m2z

Goodbye

2012-01-08T10:35:00.001-05:00

As we say good riddance to 2011, I am also saying good riddance to this blog. It's a new year and I am on a new path in my life, so it's time to create a new blog.

Follow me:

www.charming419.blogspot.com

Thank the heavens above

2011-12-07T15:19:00.001-05:00

You've been wondering where I have been, haven't you? Take a peek below and try to figure it out for yourself.

Of all years, seems this is one I wish to forget much of. It certainly wasn't ALL bad, but there was enough bad stuff to last a lifetime. Here is a recap so you can enjoy what life was like for my family...in no certain order, because I don't have the mental capacity to relive this year in order:

The boy turned 5 and had his first "kid" party at Hero's. It was really fun.
I turned 41 and the husband turned 42.
I got a 3% raise.
Our house was broken into and $9,000 worth of items were stolen or damaged.
We celebrated our 12th wedded anniversary.
The boy graduated from Pre-K.
I haven't had the energy or drive to exercise all year.
I have had awful Fibromyalgia flare ups.
Some days, it is a struggle to move.
The boy sliced his finger open with his dad's knife.
His dad passed out on the floor when he saw the blood.
I got a new tooth, my gums trimmed and my teeth whitened.
The husband had severe pain in his feet, ankles and knees and could hardly walk for a week. Possible Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Unemployment benefits dried up.
We lived on my salary alone for 3 months.
We were poor.
My car windshield is still cracked and I still don't care.
I painted the foyer (up the stairs, down the stairs), living room and dining room.
The boy started Kindergarten.
His behavior is awful and although he is academically advanced, he has behavioral issues.
The boy sits at a single desk away from the rest of his classmates who sit at tables of 6 because he cannot sit still, cannot respect others space and is distracting.
The boy had scarlet fever.
Grandma died.
Our house was broken into, again, and $8,700 worth of items stolen or damaged.
The husband beat the hell out of some guy in a convertible for stopping in the road and flipping him the bird.
The boy was in the truck and witnessed this attack.
I wrote a letter to Mayor Bell about our break-ins and got a call within a week.
The summer was hot and miserable and made me sick(er).
The husband had stomach pains so bad we called 911. Turns out he had a perforated doudenal ulcer (a hole in his intestines) and needed emergency surgery.
This was life or death surgery. LIFE.OR.DEATH.
He was in the hospital for 6 days.
Uncle and 2 cousins died.
The husband got a job.
The husband lost a job because the owner was a disorganized idiot.
The husband got another job.
The husband quit the job because at the end of his probation, it didn't look like they were going to have much work for him so he went elsewhere.
The husband took a job - making peanuts - because peanuts were better than nothing.
Lost 3 high school friends, 2 took their own lives.
The boy had a staph infection that the Dr worried was in his bones it was so bad. Thankfully was not, but he had an allergic reaction to the meds and broke out in an awful rash over his entire body.
I became an Independent Stylist for Jewel Kade and have been able to make a few large purchases and have a decent christmas.
Lost a good friend and neighbor.
The husband had cellulitis on a cut on his arm. It had to be sliced open, drained and packed. He was off work for 4 days. unpaid, on double antibiotics and pain meds.
We got a dog.
I love the dog, but he sheds. A lot!
I drove myself to the emergency room because my back hurt so bad I was not able to move for 2 days.
Grandpa died.
I had a sinus infection for 8 1/2 weeks.
And there are a couple things I can't even talk about. They're THAT bad.

And, the icing on the cake...

I lost my job on December 16th.

Two Thousand Eleven can BITE ME.

1,825 days, 43,800 hours, 2,628,000 minutes

2011-05-17T10:42:00.015-04:00

How is it possible that you are 2 million, six hundred twenty eight thousand minutes old?

How did this happen so quickly?

My baby who had screaming fits every night at 7pm between 5 and 8 weeks old. My baby who slept through the night (10-12 hours at a stretch) at 12 weeks old and never looked back. My baby who used to squeal and kick his feet when he was so happy, whose squeal sounded like a pteradactyl and I couldn't get enough of it. My baby who always ate like a champ unless he wasn't feeling well. My baby who's first words "nana (banana), cuh (Booka - one of our cats) and more" were spoken at 8 months old.

You grew up so quickly. From walking, to really talking (and never stopping), to learning to feed yourself (and never stopping) to skipping and hopping, to writing and reading (some), to learning basic math.

Every time I see you my face lights up. You are the light of my life. The photos in my office at work make me smile each and every time I look at them. Writing this blog post is making me grin from ear to ear, because I am thinking and talking about you.

You tell knock knock jokes that usually make absolutely no sense, yet I love every one of them and laugh hysterically each time.

You insist on sitting on my lap on the couch at cartoon time before bed. I tease that you need to find another place to sit and that I am not a chair...but I love every minute of it. You fit perfectly. It's like you were born to be there.

I lay in bed with you at night, after books and lights out, for about 20-30 minutes and we make up stories while I rub your sore legs (growing pains are real, who knew). There's almost always a car or truck in the stories. It could start with a turtle or a stuffed animal or planet and will end with a fire truck, police car, or dump truck. I don't think you will ever stop loving cars and trucks.

You are full of endless amounts of energy. At the park/zoo/imagination station, we play for hours. You love to help around the house and are first in line to use the swiffer, vacuum cleaner, or dust wipes. You LOVE to clean the toilet!

You love to ride your bike but say you never ever want to take your training wheels off. But, guess what, we're going to try it without them this summer! You are really getting into basketball and playing catch with a baseball. Mommy could care less about sports or sports teams, and especially watching any sport on tv, but played basketball, softball and volleyball and can show him a few of the ropes.

You love love love rough-housing with daddy. Daddy often takes you to the "swamp" with your Jeep. You like to drive the trails and get out and explore in the woods. You always tell me about all of the frogs and toads you see. You love to help daddy build things or use tools. You also love riding on his shoulders. You love when daddy is in charge of feeding you lunch or dinner because you get to eat junk.

You tell me that you want to marry me, that I am your best friend and that you want to live with me forever. You also tell me that I am the best Mommy in the whole wide world. I get so many hugs and kisses in a day, it's hard to count. But I could always use more. Each one makes my heart smile. You know how much I love your kisses and you sometimes you use them as deal makers. "Mommy, if we can do {insert activity here} or if I can have {insert food or new toy here}, I will give you a kiss".

You are still a milk-a-holic. At home you've never had juice, pop, etc. At school you get juice or fruit punch once a week. And you've had lemonade and love it. On special occassions I let you have chocolate milk. You eat darn near anything. I nearly threw up a few weeks ago when you couldn't get enough mussels. You and your dad were going to town on them and I was horrified and proud at the same time. I would say shrimp is one of your absolute favorite things. You love junk but you also love fruits and vegetables, so I guess it's pretty balanced. You love eggs, meat, chicken, fish, and most seafood. You are not a big fan of pork and your love of cheese comes and goes.

You remember everything, yet you often forget to slow down and remember the rules. You get in trouble frequently at school for not listening, not paying attention, not keeping your hands to yourself. We go through phases where you will earn a "green" every day for weeks on end, and then you'll get three "reds" in a row. When I ask you what would have been a better way to handle whatever you got in trouble for, you give me the right answers, so I know you know...you just don't stop and think. It's a guy thing.

You want to be a "Monster Truck Fire fighter Policeman" and a "worker" (construction/building) when you grow up. If there's anyone in the world who can be a Monster Truck Fire fighter Policeman - it's you.

I could talk about you for days. But instead I'm just going to end with a great big HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY to my handsome young man. I love you more than words.

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day - My Story

2011-05-12T10:09:00.000-04:00

Sometime in 2008, my back started hurting more than usual. The disk between L4 and L5 is nearly gone and I’ve had constant pain there for more than 15 years. The pain I was feeling was worse than they typical pain I had felt for so long, and it had spread though out most of my back. My shoulders and neck were also in pain. I figured the pain was due to my, then 2 year old, son getting bigger and heavier. I just figured the strain of bending over and picking him up was taking its toll. I was 38 years old, so I thought maybe this was part of getting older too.

So, I made a very difficult decision. I stopped picking my son up. It was so hard! He didn’t understand and neither did I, but I felt “broken” and was afraid I would drop him or hurt myself more. I told him that he could sit on my lap any time, but that I could not pick him up, unless absolutely necessary – like to put him in a shopping cart, or if he fell asleep in the car and I had to carry him in to the house.

For TWO YEARS I rarely picked my son up, but the pain never got better. I saw a Chiropractor. She made the pain worse. I saw a Massage Therapist. She made me feel better while I was on her table, but the pain would come back quick upon leaving. I went to a pain doctor and had steroid injections in my back. They helped my lower back for a short time, but the pain elsewhere NEVER WENT AWAY.

I often felt paralyzed with stiffness after sitting on the couch or a chair for long. I struggled to get up. And when I did get up, it took a lot of effort. I used to do what I called “the crawl”. I would scoot to the edge of the couch, use every muscle in my legs and arms to push myself up, and then (because I was bent over) would use my hands and walk/crawl them up my thighs, pushing myself upright until I was standing straight. I would have to stand upright and still for a few seconds before being able to walk.

I had to do “the crawl” every morning to get out of bed. It was a miserable experience.

If I got on the floor to play with my son, or for whatever reason, getting up was nearly impossible without crawling over to a couch/table to pull or push myself up.

I had frequent headaches. I was exhausted all the time. I had the most embarrassing GI issues: bloating, diarrhea, gas that hurt so bad I would cry. Literally cry. I had PMS that caused so much additional pain that I could hardly walk at times. I felt menstrual cramps under my ribs. I had pain in my nether regions. My eyesight would randomly get worse at times, with my glasses or contacts on. I actually could NOT SEE for nearly 2 hours one day. My hands and feet went numb frequently, and every morning when I woke up both of my hands were numb. I was often dizzy upon standing. I had trouble taking a full breath. I had occasional stabbing in my chest. My muscles would twitch randomly. My moods swung like a pendulum.

I often sobbed silently at night because I couldn’t get comfortable. My bed hurt. The blankets hurt. BLANKETS HURT.

I became so used to living with all of these issues, I had convinced myself it was normal. Just part of being “me”. I talked to my best friend about these issues and she would tell me that normal people don’t feel like that. She never had pain. I couldn’t believe there were people out there who had pain free days. Clearly she was not being truthful.

One day in 2010, while sitting on the couch, my son came over to sit on my lap to watch cartoons. His bony little knee hit my thigh and the pain sent me through the roof. I screamed. I screamed in pain and I screamed at him. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, I didn’t understand why that hurt so badly. He cried because I screamed at him. It happened again a few days later. And then again, and again. Around this same time, I noticed that when I scratched an itch…my skin hurt. My SKIN HURT.

A few months later, my right foot arch started hurting. I thought maybe I had injured it without realizing. Then I realized that I didn’t do anything to injure it. It hurt so bad I was limping. I limped for 2 ½ months.

I knew I needed to discuss these issues with my Dr. I knew these things weren’t normal. I was terrified. I thought I was dying. I didn’t want to know what was wrong. I FELT CRAZY.

During these 2 years, I kept a journal of the pain. I made a summary of these entries and then I made a Dr. appointment. When my appointment finally rolled around, I was out of my mind with fear. I thought she would tell me I was crazy. I thought she would tell me I was dying. I thought she would not understand.

I made the appointment because I had “foot pain”. While discussing the foot pain with my Dr, I started crying. No. Sobbing. She asked if the pain was that bad. I said no. I tried to tell her about the other pain. But I couldn’t talk. She sat with me. I was able to tell her that I had a list of some other things that were bothering me. She told me to relax and she would just read through the list.

She asked a few questions. I calmed down. She walked over and started pressing on various parts of my body and asking me if it hurt. Well, yes, most of the places she pressed had hurt. At that point I didn’t realize she was pressure point testing for Fibromyalgia.

She stepped back and said “Have you ever hear of Fibromyalgia”? I said, yes. She told me I exhibited many of the symptoms and I had pain in nearly all of the pressure points.

She ordered a full blood panel to rule out other conditions, and gave me a 3 week supply of Cymbalta.

I took a pill as soon as I walked out the door. I swear I felt better almost instantly. It was likely because the fear I had been carrying around for so long had finally been lifted. I wasn’t crazy after all. I wasn’t dying. And I had been diagnosed with something real. And my Dr understood, and was sympathetic.

I WASN'T CRAZY.

I WASN'T DYING.

MY DOCTOR UNDERSTOOD.

I’ve been taking Cymbalta for 8 months now. The only 'every day" pain I have is some mild lower back discomfort. The L4/L5 disc is gone, so the only way to ever have a pain free lower back is to have surgery.

My GI issues are gone! My periods come and go with little notice! I’m pretty even tempered! I’m happy! I feel good!

I pick my, now nearly 5 year old, son up and dance around the room with him! He’s heavy, but it doesn’t hurt. I can sit on the floor and play with him and then get up off the floor like a normal person would.

I did lose a lot of strength over those 2 years. Sometimes I find it unbelievable how much better I feel. I didn’t feel good for over 2 years. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say that I feel GOOD.

Family and friends have been supportive and many have said they had no idea I was suffering. I did keep it to myself for the most part. My husband knew. My best friend knew. My parents knew some of the details but not all because I didn’t want them to worry.

The only side effects I have experienced with Cymbalta are sleepiness, wild dreams and *boo* weight gain. I sleep like a log at night, am able to stay awake all day, so the sleepiness is not a bad side effect. The dreams have been disturbing at times, some would call them nightmares, but the new ME outweighs the dreams. Speaking of outweighing...my weight is out of control. I keep trying to control it, but the sleepiness leads to a lack of motivation, and I am allowing this to interfere with my efforts. I will find something that works and I will lose this weight.

I knows other sufferers have weather related pain, and I too have had a few episodes that seem to be weather related.

Our weather in Ohio has been very weird since March, and I distinctly remember my first weather related episode. March 11th at approximately 9:20am; our front desk clerk asked me to watch the front desk so she could make breakfast. As I was sitting up there, my calf (front/outer side) started hurting. No. Not hurting…STABBING. I started rubbing my leg, and the pressure from rubbing hurt like hell. She returned to the front desk and I hobbled back into my office, where I sat in so much stabbing pain I was near tears for another 15 minutes (20 all together). I continued to rub my leg. I stretched my leg. I flexed my muscles. I stood up and walked around. It HURT LIKE HELL. I was sweating and breathing heavily by the time the pain diminished.

This pain came from nowhere. Out of the blue. And hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t until I read a tweet from another Spoonie who was experiencing a lot of pain that day. From the weather. I had never noticed pain as a direct result of the weather.

Is that what I experienced on March 11th? I have no idea. But it was hell. Pure hell.

I’m terrified to ever stop taking Cymbalta. For me, it has been a miracle. I have my life back. I have ME back. A larger version of me. But a relatively pain free, happier me.

Smile!

2011-05-06T10:42:00.002-04:00

I got my new front tooth on April 11th.

Dr. Hottie removed my old crown and placed a temporary crown on for about 3 weeks while the final product was being made. He trimmed my gums to make my smile less gummy. He was originally going to only trim the gum above my old crown since it clearly didn't match up with the gum on the other side. While he was doing this, he said "how about I just trim the gums around your front 6 teeth and we'll make that smile less gummy". With all of the dental tools in my mouth, I said "mmm hmmm".

Healing the gums took only a couple days and hurt very little. The difference is pretty fantastic. I'm not embarrassed of my smile any more.

I don't "love" the new crown, it's still a bit big and definitely looks like a crown, but the shape and size are so much better. Down the road I plan to have a veneer put over the other front tooth to make them look the same, and I would also like to have invisalign to straighten up that one little crooked tooth and space my teeth out a little better. I also think I need to have the bottom gums trimmed.

All in all...so pleased. And Dr. Hottie is, well, hot. Can't beat that.

Dear Mayor Bell

2011-04-22T09:26:00.000-04:00

April 14, 2011

Mayor Mike Bell
One Government Center
640 Jackson
Suite 2200
Toledo, Ohio 43604

Re: Stratford Place, Old West End, Toledo Ohio

Dear Mayor Bell,

I am writing to you today to express my concern for the safety of my family, neighbors and neighborhood and to ask for your help. My husband, 4 ½ year old son and I live on Stratford Place in Toledo’s Old West End. Stratford Place has been a wonderful one block street between Parkwood and Scottwood Avenues, although we now fear living in the City and are considering our options. We really want to stay in the City of Toledo, but we have to protect our child from further trauma.

On January 12, 2011, at 12:00 in the afternoon, the steel back door of our house was kicked in and our belongings were stolen. Nearly $9,000 worth of electronics, a few pieces of jewelry including a very sentimental diamond ring, miscellaneous items, and cash were stolen or destroyed. Thankfully no one was hurt, although we feel violated beyond belief. We do have homeowners insurance, but the “good feelings” about the neighborhood are tarnished. After this incident, we had a security system installed in our home.

The Old West End has an Email Alert System, tirelessly monitored by a fellow neighbor. Over the past 6-8 months, we have been alerted of what seems like dozens of robberies or attempted robberies, many more than I have ever heard about in our 9 years living in the Old West End.

This past Saturday, April 9th, at 4:30 pm, our house was broken into again. This time they broke a window in one of our front door side lights, gained entry and violently hacked into our interior wall with an axe to disable our new alarm system. When the door was opened and the thieves walked in, our alarm and motion sensors were set off and our security company dispatched the police to our home. The police arrived promptly (I love the City of Toledo Police), within 10-12 minutes as near as I can tell. My husband and 4 ½ year old son were at the park and I was out running errands when this happened. We arrived home to 4 law enforcement cruisers in our front lawn only to find ourselves again robbed of electronics and irreplaceable heirlooms, victimized but alive.

The Old West End is truly a gem of a neighborhood. The largest collection of late Victorian, Edwardian and Arts & Crafts homes make this neighborhood one of the most beautiful areas in the United States. The Old West End is on the National Register of Historic Places. The rich and glorious history, architecture, and people, make this a wonderful place to live. The Old West End is home to countless historic homes and churches, the Mansion View Inn, The Toledo Museum of Art, the Toledo Symphony Orchestra TMA Peristyle, Rosary Cathedral, Collingwood Arts Center, etc. and has recently been featured in a 3 part series in American Bungalow Magazine. Our neighborhood hosts the Old West End Festival, Garden Tours, Concerts in the Arboretum, and Tours De Noel, all of which bring countless visitors from all around who put money back into our neighborhood and surrounding businesses.

We love our neighborhood. We love our neighbors. We love living in a front-porch community. We are proud to live in such a beautiful and diverse area. We had no intention of leaving our wonderful neighborhood, but we are scared and worried how to manage our trauma and how to see a safe future for our child within the City of Toledo.

The economic downturn has definitely taken its toll on our wonderful neighborhood, with foreclosures, boarded up homes, and now…more crime than we ever imagined.

As the Chief of the Toledo Fire and Rescue Department for 16 years and the lead for Homeland Security efforts in our region after the September 11 terrorist attacks, it is apparent that the safety of our great City is of utmost importance to you. I know the City of Toledo Police Department monitors our area. We also have block watches in place and the Old West End Security. While all of these efforts are greatly appreciated, they are not enough. Please help us!

Several of the notices received from our Email Alert System state that witnesses have seen 3 teenage/mid-twenty year old males with hooded sweatshirts and backpacks approach houses and knock on the door. It appears their MO is to make up a name and ask if that person is there if someone answers the door. If no one answers, they attempt to make entry. The thieves efforts have been thwarted on occasion by brave neighbors.

My parents taught me the same valuable lessons you live by, that you must treat people fairly and nothing good comes easy. Our family and home have been violated by people who do not live by these same lessons. I am now fearful to be in my home and fearful to be away from my home. This is no way for anyone to live. We are good people, we work hard for our possessions, we pay our bills, we help when needed, and we volunteer. We do our part to be upstanding citizens of the great City of Toledo and the wonderful Old West End.

I ask that you increase security in our area and that you consider addressing one of our monthly neighborhood meetings to let us know what is being done to help the wonderful people of the Old West End win this fight against crime. I know there are countless people in our neighborhood who would like to know what additional measures the City of Toledo is taking, or will be taking, to keep us safe.

Thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this matter. My family, and the residents of the Old West End look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Deb Owens-Newland
Proud Resident of Toledo’s Old West End

Ct: Chief Michael Navarre, Chief of Police

On becoming cynical and clinical

2011-04-12T10:05:00.004-04:00

Our house was broken into on January 12th. Read the story here.

Since then:

we have replaced many of the items that were stolen

i turned 41

unemployment benefits dried up

the boy had scarlet fever

grandma died

On April 9th, our house was broken into AGAIN. At 4:30 in the afternoon, a warm sunny day.

The husband and the boy went to the swamp around 2pm. I have been battling an ear infection and decided to lay on the couch with a heating pad on my ear for a bit. I vegged out in front of the tv (watching some stupid movie with Gina Gershon) until 3:15pm when I decided I should get up and get some things done. I had a couple errands to run.

I ran my errands and was milling around Fallen Timbers looking for one more baby gift for my bff's new baby. I didn't hear my phone ring the first time at 4:31pm. I did hear it ring at 4:39pm as I was checking out at Learning Express. It was one of my other bff's. I ignored it, because I think it is SO RUDE when people are yappin on the phone in stores/at checkouts/in restaurants/etc. I listened to my voice mail when I left the store.

The phone call at 4:31pm was Central Security. Our front door sensor had been tripped, and so had the motion sensors inside the house. They dispached the police. The message from my bff said that she just got a call from our security company that our alarm has gone off and they sent the police.

WHAT.THE.FUCK?

I couldn't think. I couldn't see. I had no idea where I had parked. I felt like I was in a vacuum.

ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME?

I finally found my car, and in hysterics, hauled ass out of the shopping center and made the 20 minute drive home. The longest 20 minutes of my life. I couldn't reach my husband, via phone call or text. I was driving 85 miles an hour in a 50 mile zone, weaving in and out of traffic, and crying. Totally un-safe.

Mid-way home my husband called. He had not heard the messages or read the texts, so he had no idea what was going on. He found out what was going on when he and the boy pulled into the driveway and saw 2 cop cars in front of our house and 4 cops inside our house.

Sure as shit. We had been hit again.

This time, the ballsy bastards broke one of the windows on our front door sidelights.

OUR.FRONT.DOOR. 4:30PM. BROAD.DAYLIGHT.

They reached in and unlocked the door.

Once inside, they filled their backpacks with our new laptops, new wii+controllers+games, new dslr camera, and pulled the new tv off the stand and destroyed it - kicked it, jumped on it or beat it with something. Upstairs they destroyed my husbands external monitor and filled their bags with TWO JEWELRY BOXES of jewelry I have collected over the last 40 years. Woops...41 years.

The majority of the jewelry missing are earrings and bracelets from my friend Jenny. 8 years of buying from and working for her jewelry. Also missing are diamond earrings, a diamond pendant, several gold/semiprecious rings and gold bracelets, lots of silver including a couple tiffany pieces, john hardy bracelets and my pandora bracelet full of charms. Some costume stuff, but mostly gold and silver. My necklaces hang on a rack and thankfully that was untouched.

Not really sure how to put a price tag on a lifetime of baubles. $5k? $10k? UGH.

It was A.LOT.OF.JEWELRY.

As I was crying hysterically over the missing jewelry, my almost 5 year old boy was so sweet and grown up. He calmly told me everything would be ok and that he was here for me. He asked if I wanted a hug. As we were hugging, he told me he was glad I wasn't home when the bad guys came because they could have shot me.

The thieves were clearly pissed that we had an alarm system. They destroyed the key pad and violently RIPPED IT OFF THE WALL...with a hand maddock. The hand maddock was still sticking out of the wall when we arrived...for effect, I'm sure.

Glass all over the floor...and in/on our shoes (because, you know, we take our shoes off at the front door and that's where they sit). Glass. 101 year old wavy glass. They just don't make it like that anymore.

Our cats, once again, were not harmed. I am sure they ran and hid when the window was smashed. Thank goodness.

So, here I am. 13 days later. The boy - yeah, he's sleeping in our bed. Because I want him there. Everyone I see with a backpack is a suspect. Every group of kids I see walking around the neighborhood are suspects. In my dreams I have staged elaborate sting operations where I end up shooting the thieve(s). In the face. With a shotgun.

Neighborhood email list has documented many of the break-ins, and there have been many recently. Witnesses of other break-ins, or attempted break ins, have seen a group of 3 teen/early twenty year old males in (apparent) action. One will walk up to the door, knock, and if no one answers, two of them will break in while the other stands guard. If someone does answer...they will ask if "so and so" is home. When they are told they have the wrong house, they leave.

Our awesome little street alone has been hit 7 times in the past 6-8 months. This is our 9th year in our house and we have never had a problem. Only incident I ever heard about from a neighbor was a stolen car...a car that was parked on the street and unlocked. I guess our windshield was smashed several years ago, but so were 20+ others in the neighborhood. Just distructive jerks with baseball bats. Not a huge deal.

I've seen how the economic downturn has hurt our neighborhood. There have been many foreclosures. There are now many houses boarded up. I have been thinking about photo documenting it...but don't want to attract any (more) bad press. And now, I don't have a camera anyway. It seems as if the bubble has popped.

We love our house. We love our neighborhood. We love our neighbors. We don't want to move. We don't want to let the skumbags win.

I.DON'T.WANT.A.DOG.

I don't really like dogs. And I'm worried about my 12 year old cats. They go ape shit bonkers if someone brings a dog up on our porch. I don't want to stress them out. They're old. And they are our first babies. BUT, we are considering a dog. Talking about it. A puppy. A puppy who grows up into a big ass dog. Hubby wants a German Shepard. We have not said a word about it to the boy, because you know he REALLY WANTS A DOG. He's been asking for one since he could talk.

Eventhough I am upset about the weight gain from this medication, the meds do help keep me sane. Otherwise I think I would be committed to a mental facility by now.

100 Things About Me

2011-03-15T15:58:00.005-04:00

How about 100 Things About Me that you never wanted to know, but I am going to tell you anyway. Or, who knows, maybe you did want to know.

1. I got married when I was 29 years old
2. I started getting acne at 29 years old
3. I'm still married
4. I still have acne
5. I've known my husband since 1985
6. We did not *ahem* date in high school
7. I have had a crush on my husband since 1985
8. I hate being hot
9. I hate summer
10. I hate beaches and beach vacations
11. I had my only child at age 36
12. He is the love of my life
13. Actually, I am lucky enough to have 2 loves of my life, my husband and son
14. I smoked for 13 years
15. I don't really remember being a smoker
16. I think my son is cuter and smarter than all other children
17. My biggest regret is that I did not go to college
18. I manage to make as much as many of my degreed friends, despite this
19. I love shoes and handbags
20. I like to paint...walls
21. I read every night
22. I like monster truck shows
23. I gained 65 lbs with my pregnancy
24. I still have 40 to lose
25. I hated, no HATED, being pregnant
26. Breastfeeding gives me the willys
27. I have, and will probably always have, boob issues
28. I don't care if this offends you
29. I like being entitled to my opinion
30. I cannot understand a thing most pre-schoolers say, except my son
31. I love Facebook
32. Twitter does little for me
33. I am a spend thrift
34. I manage to squander away money too
35. Some of my friends are trainwrecks
36. Compulsive lying irritates me
37. I have Fibromyalgia
38. I thought everyone was in pain all the time
39. I have been coloring my hair for 15 years
40. I am proud of my fair skin
41. I've had 2 squamous cell carcinoma spots removed from my back
42. I sleep 8-9 hours every night
43. I love coffee
44. Vodka is my liquor of choice
45. I love beer
46. and wine
47. I have an older brother
48. We haven't spoken since I was 16 years old
49. I have 2 large tattoo's on my back, 7 tats total
50. I love my Blackberry
51. I have recently considered getting a Droid and feel guilty
52. I am learning how to shoot a gun
53. I love shooting guns
54. I'm damn good at shooting guns
55. I love the rush and feeling of control that shooting gives me
56. I think my husband is incredibly sexy and has an amazing physique
57. I hate being fat
58. I thought I was crazy for 2 years before my Fibromyalgia diagnosis
59. Sometimes I really like my job
60. I love gardening, as long as it isn't hot outside
61. I would move to Europe in a minute
62. I own one Apple product and hate it
63. Desperate Housewives is the only show I watch regularly
64. via on-demand, because I can't stay awake that late
65. I like Kick Buttowski, Suburban Daredevil
66. My son will be attending private school for free
67. Because we live in the 'hood
68. I love my 'hood
69. I wouldn't live anywhere else in Toledo
70. Eventhough our house was broken in to and $9k worth of stuff was stolen
71. I love Mexican, Indian, Asian, Middle Eastern foods
72. I rarely eat american fare
73. We try to patronize local restaurants as often as possible
74. My car windshield has been cracked since last June and I don't care
75. I prefer 30 degrees to 80, any day
76. The smell inside Subway (restaurant) makes me gag
77. My husband and son love Subway
78. I am a huge procrastinator
79. I love my parents dearly
80. I have 2 cats that I love dearly too
81. My son wants a dog
82. I really do.not.like.dogs.
83. I like to take pictures
84. I text my husband and bff at least 30 times a day
85. My parents are the only people I talk to on the phone
86. Outside of work
87. I love the way Cymbalta (Fibro med) makes me feel, but it's making me fatter
88. Which makes me feel rotten
89. I think Madonna (Ciccone) is amazing
90. My bff and I have very little in common
91. I am lazy
92. I hate to exercise
93. I find it absolutely impossible to put away my laundry
94. I love chocolate
95. I ate chocolate every day while pregnant
96. I don't like ground beef
97. You couldn't pay me to eat celery
98. All other vegetables are yummy though
99. I wear black every day
100. Nobody reads my blog, and I don't care

A smile is worth...

2011-03-08T14:50:00.002-05:00

So, sometimes I'm not very bright. I learned late last year that our Health Savings Account (HSA) money could be used for dental and vision too. This is pre-tax money that we put into an account, the amount equal to our Health deductible or more, and we have a debit card to use at Dr offices, pharmacies, Hospitals, etc. Once our deductible is spent (from the HSA) all of our medical is covered 100%. Well, at the end of the year, we still had about $1200 in our HSA. No biggie, it can be carried over year to year, and the amount put in by-weekly can be adjusted if you wish.

However, if you use any of the HSA money for Dental and Vision, it doesn't count against your deductible. It's best to use any cary-over money for Dental and Vision, because if you have more medical expenses...yep, it comes right out of your taxed pocket.

Once I learned that we could use this HSA money for Dental and Vision, I looked through our preferred provider list to find a new dentist. I hated our last one (Reynolds Corners/Corner Dental - DO NOT EVER GO THERE), and needed to find a new one.

I occassionally listen to 92.5 KISS-FM in the car - actually, I never really listen to anything. It's pretty much background noise, so whatever is on is on. Anyway, on the morning talk show, when Carlos Diaz is on, he promotes Dr. Frankel. Good enough for Carlos, good enough for me.

Sure enough Dr. Frankel was a preferred provider. And, ooh, goodie, free whitening for new patients.

So, I made an appointment in November. I've since had 6 fillings filled - some of them old old silver ones that had cracked - with the new and improved white porcelan looking fill. My mouth no longer looks like it's full of metal. YAY. And I've had a wisdom tooth extracted. ICK.

So, next up was the free whitening. I was a smoker for 13 years, I've drank coffee for 20+ years, I've never whitened my teeth. I didn't know what to expect, and honestly I do see a difference in the photos, but it's not huge. When I smile in the mirror though, it is like WHOA, HOLY SHIT, MY TEETH ARE WHITE!!!

What do you think?

Next up, the crown on my right front tooth (left one, looking @ the pics). I've never been happy with it. Its always been too big. I've had it for about 13 years. My insurance covers 60% of it, so I'm getting a new one. I am so excited!

On March 21st, the old one will be removed and a temporary one will be put on until the new tooth is made. I hope it doesn't take long, because I am consumed with excitement by the thought of having a new front tooth. HORRAY!

Down the road, I will probably do Invisalign, to straighten up my one little crooked tooth on the bottom, but the extra HSA money is almost gone for now.

BONUS: Dr. Frankel is YUMMY! So nice and a pleasure to look at. Can't beat that.

A Lesson for Daddy

2011-01-31T12:48:00.008-05:00

My boy and I ran errands on Sunday. Got paint for the Dining Room, looked for new Living Room furniture, got the car washed, picked up a few things at Menards.

Menards had a aisle with random children's toys. The boy found 4 in 1 deluxe city, with roads and all sorts of fun stuff for his Hot Wheels. It was on clearance for $12, so I got it for him.

He was super excited to put it together when we got home, so Daddy sat on the living room floor with him and they opened the box. I watched as they dumped the contents, cars, little packages of tracks, trees, traffic signs, etc on the floor. I headed to the kitchen to put some things away and then upstairs.

I hear my husband make this loud gutteral noise I hadn't heard from him before, and then I hear blood curdling screams and cries from my boy.

I head downstairs to see what had happened. I found the 2 of them in the kitchen, My husband holding my son and holding my son's hand up in the air. The water was running.

I saw blood and pinkish-blood water dripping down my husbands arm and down my son's arm.

"What happened?"

"It's ok, it's ok. It's just a little cut. He's ok." my husband replied, panting.

"How did he get cut?"

"I gave him my knife to cut open the packages."

"You did what? You gave him a knife?"

"Yeah, my Leatherman."

"Huh?"

At this point, my son was sitting on the counter while my husband continued to hold his hand up. My son was sobbing and asking for his mommy.

I crawled under the arms in the air, and hugged my son and patted his back and told him he would be ok. I continued to hug and soothe him.

My husband walked around to my other side and asked me to hold the boy's hand up. I obliged. I'm still bent over, hugging my child who is sitting on the counter, only now I am holding his hand in the air too.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my husband moving funny. So, I turned my head to look at him. I watched a series of weird head twitching, stumbling side steps and the next thing I know he is falling backwards. His head and shoulder crash into the counter and he falls to the floor.

I look in disbelief, my boy has stopped crying and is staring at his father on the ground. I'm standing there, looking back and forth at my son, who's hand I am still holding in the air, to my husband who just fell to the ground. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? My son is cut and my husband is lying on the floor.

I reach to my husband (still holding my son's hand up) and grab his arm. I make my way to his hand and start shaking him, saying his name over and over again.

He opens his eyes.

"Dan, Dan, Dan, are you ok. Honey can you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. What are you talking about? What's wrong? What happened?"

"You passed out. Or had a seizure. Or a stroke or something."

"I did?" He looks around, and sees that he is on the floor. He gets up off the floor. He is pale as a ghost and panting.

He reaches in the fridge for water. I turn back to my son and notice that the cut has stopped bleeding. I look at my husband again.

"Did you just splash water on your face?" I ask.

Panting, "No, why?"

"Oh my gosh, you are covered with sweat then."

He stands there and steadies himself. I go back to my son. I take the paper towel off his finger and get ready to put Neosporin on the cut and wrap it.

I look at my husband again and and he is so pale he is almost green. I send him to sit down with water and a granola bar.

I wrap up my sons finger, give him a Tylenol, pick him up and head to the living room to hug him on the couch for a while. My husband is laying on the floor. Not passed out, but still green.

After a few minutes, he gets up, his color is normal and he joins us on the couch.

I asked if he thought it was a good idea to give him the Leatherman.

"No."

$9,000 Charmin Ultra

2011-01-18T13:06:00.008-05:00

On Wednesday, January 12th at approximately 11:00 am, my husband left for the grocery store to pick up some toilet paper. We were out. At 11:58 am, he arrived home and caught a glimpse of a black sleeved arm and a black shiny thing.

It took a minute to register, but that black shiny thing appeared to be a TV and it was being carried through our neighbor's fence. Quite certain it wasn't our neighbors Harry or Wanda, my husband got out of his truck and yelled "what the f*ck are you doing", and the black sleeved arm dropped the TV and ran. My husband proceeded cautiously to the dropped TV. He thought to himself..."gee, that looks like our TV". (shit) He looked toward the back of our house and saw foot prints leading up to our back door. (shit) He knew the foot prints were not his because it was fresh snow, and he had not taken garbage out yet. (shit) He walked to our back door to discover that it was wide open and damaged. (shit) It had been kicked in. (shit) He grabbed a knife out of the drawer in the kitchen and walked through the house. (shit) Thankfully, there was no-one inside.

He called the police. He called me. Then he started looking around the house. Initially he noticed the TV (broken and in our neighbors back yard), the Wii, his laptop, my laptop and his laptop backpack were missing. I arrived home, and thankfully the police were still there. I noticed that our Christmas cash was missing (somewhere between $300-400), digital camera, digital camcorder, the Wii controllers and nunchucks, Wii games, 3 of my Coach handbags (that were hanging on the coat rack in the foyer...I know...STUPID), my Kindle, some jewelry.

The thief stuffed the laptop backpack (which I went to the ends of the earth to find and spent a hundred bucks on) with the missing items. The laptop backpack was purposefully big enough to carry a 17" laptop and school books and accessories. It was HUGE and sturdy...perfect for a thief.

Over the next day or so we noticed that our "spare" cell phones were gone. The ones I kept in my desk drawer as back ups incase something happened to our current ones. Lightwave 3D was IN his computer disk drive, his scientific calculator was in the backpack, AND a mug he got in Germany - about 25 year ago - was missing. The mug was filled with miscellaneous treasures and trinkets...and his SOCIAL SECURITY CARD!

So, now, not only do we have to deal with personal property theft, we have to deal with possible identy theft. I've reported it to the police, the SS office, the Credit Bureaus. I've changed all of my usernames and passwords that may have been prefilled on various websites on my computer.

And while I was changing those usernames and passwords, I completely forgot what new login I had just set up for our bank accounts. I ended up getting locked out of our account for 3 days because I kept trying versions of what I thought I changed it to.

I didn't eat for 2 days following the event and felt broken. I hated being in my house. I hated not being in my house. I slept with my son for the first 2 nights, for fear of an intruder taking him or hurting him. I have allowed him to crawl into our bed for several nights since the intrusion.

We decided not to tell our son what had happened. We didn't want to scare him. We figured the only items he would notice were missing were the tv and the Wii. We made up a story about our cats wrestling (and boy do they wrestle, WWFF {World Wrestling Feline Federation}) behind the tv and accidentally knocking it, and the Wii, off the tv cabinet. He fell for it.

He did ask his dad why he had a different laptop (because we replaced it the next day). His dad said that he took his other one to school and traded with this one. He fell for that too.

So, the items missing total roughly $9,000. Our insurance company was absolutely wonderful and fast with the claim. State Farm rocks.

Most of the items taken is just stuff. I am sad about the digital photos on my laptop. I did save all of my photos to disk about 6-7 months ago, so I'm only missing 6-7 months worth and a lot of them are posted on facebook, so I can get some of them back. The camcorder had the boys holiday program on it. I'm sad about that. But I have photos.

My dad gave me a diamond channel set ring 13 years ago after his double bypass heart surgery. When he returned home from the hospital, I basically moved back in with my parents while he was recovering. I helped him get out of bed and get dressed every day. I helped him up and down the steps. I made him do his lung exercises. I made him eat. You see, he listened to me. He wouldn't do these things for my mom. He called me his Drill Sargeant. After he recovered and was feeling good, he and my mom got me a 1 carat diamond channel set ring as a thank you. Completely unnecessary, as I would do absolutely anything for my parents, but it was very important to me. They picked me up at the airport, after a trip out to Arizona to visit my then boyfriend (now husband) and surprised me with it in the airport. I was so touched I silently cried in the back seat all the way home. And now...it's gone.

Sold for crack.

We spent over $200 securing the doors and windows on the first floor. Another $200 on wood blinds for the front bay window - in lieu of the sheer curtains that hung there.

We spent $655 having an alarm system with cellular communication installed.

This has been one of the most miserable experiences of my life.

And certainly the most expensive Charmin Ultra in the world.

A year in review

2011-01-01T16:14:00.007-05:00

Well, I guess it's an annual thing now, plus I really want to try and blog more than 5 times this year, so here goes...our year, twentyten:

My boy turned 4
I turned 40
My husband turned 41

I got a 5% raise
Husband is still collecting unemployment, despite 2 stupid roadblocks by the repugs
Have received many compliments regarding my work and have been invited to sit down in my bosses office (very unusual)

Went to North Myrtle Beach
In the summer
Wore a bathing suit in front of people
In 100 degree weather
Watched my bff get married for the 2nd time

Was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia
Started taking Cymbalta
Have no neck pain, little back pain, no GI issues, no headaches, no painful skin, few mood swings, the list goes on
I feel great
I feel like a WHOLE new person

Husband is an Honors Student, loves Math and building Digital Circuits
He is enrolled at UT for Grad School
Hopeful employment will come quickly after graduation in the spring
His Professors at Owens continuously ask him if he is going to TEACH after graduation

My mom suffered chest pains and it was determined it was not her heart but the worthless Gall Bladder
My dad suffered halucinations, uncoordination, uncontrolled out of body experiences and it was determined it was his sugar pills (diabetes) and dehydration (from having the flu). Medicine has been adjusted and he is feeling great.
My boy had croup a couple times, but his Ped has assured me it is not asthma and he will grow out of it

I did not renew my membership to Lifestyles for several reasons
I found it an absolute pain in the ass to get there
I think the facility is filthy
I hate the fact that overweight girls work there and eat at the front desk
I decided to start walking in the morning and then took a stab at jogging
I wasn't very good at jogging, and never really jogged further than a mile
The mornings got too dark and since that was my only real time to do it, I gave up
I will exercise again
Someday

My husband and I celebrated 11 years of marriage
We had some deep heart to heart conversations and are closer than we have ever been
He is truly the love of my life

My boy moved from the Preschool to the Pre-K room
He is very smart and easily bored with school
He aced both 2010 skills assessment tests

We are in the process of remodeling our upstairs bathroom
The tub enclosure was ripped out and a claw foot tub was installed
Floor is partially tiled and wall surrounding tub is tiled
Walls are painted

I know there's more, but I have been fooling around with this thing off and on for a month, so I'm finished.

What awaits us in 2011....

READ ME if your child has seasonal allergies

2010-11-10T16:56:00.002-05:00

In early October, my son (and I) were blessed with our usual seasonal allergies*. We both experience coughing (from the sinus drainage), itchy eyes, sneezing, and stuffiness. I usually enjoy a cocktail of Sudafed Allergy + Sinus and Mucinex. The boy has taken Zyrtec in the past, but does not like the taste. A friend mentioned he and his daughter both take Claritin and it works well for them. So I bought some for both of us. Children’s Claritin** Chewable in grape flavor, for my son.

While the Claritin provided wonderful relief from the allergy symptoms, it seems to have wreaked havoc on my child’s behavior…

Half way through the first week on the meds, my son earned a Red at school. His school utilizes the Traffic Light system to keep behavior in check. Now, it’s definitely not uncommon for my son to get the occasional red, so this really was no big deal. (He moved into the Pre-K class at the beginning of September, and there seemed to be some transitional issues which resulted in more reds than we felt he should have earned, but the reds became fewer. We thought we were on the road to recovery.) However, the next day he earned another red. And the day after that, and the day after that, and finally a yellow, but then 2 more reds. This pattern repeated the following week. My husband and I were at wits end trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with this kid and why he seemed more hyper than usual.

On the days he earned a Red, we would all sit in the foyer and talk (er, yell/scream) about what happened. When he told us about his day: I hit so-and-so, I was upset because I didn’t get to go first, I didn’t want to stop playing to listen to story time, I was mad at the teacher for putting my name on the board, etc. After the talk, we usually made him sit in the naughty chair, with no toys/no cartoons/no distractions, for what seemed like hours. After this, he was allowed to play quietly while we got dinner around. After dinner, more quiet time, no cartoons, etc. The first few times we even threw away toys. Trucks, his favorite stuffed animal, etc. (most of which were rescued by me after the fact and hid) While this tactic seemed to have an immediate affect, he got over it quickly. During this time he lost 2 play dates and a special outing with his Grandma and Grandpa.

He started taking Karate in September, and while he was hyper and easily distracted (normal) during his lesson, he wasn’t the only one, so I didn’t think much of it. Besides…isn’t that why parents enroll their young children in Karate – to help with focus and self control? We noticed that during the same 2 weeks he had terrible reports at school, he was completely and utterly out of control at Karate as well. We are with him at Karate (as opposed to school) so we had the pleasure of witnessing the insanity. On October 14, after witnessing him bouncing off the walls and dancing around like he had ants in his pants and doing everything except karate, we decided that he had attended his last Karate class until he could show more self control.

I posted on Facebook numerous times about our frustrations with his behavior. I received a lot of advice from other parents who have experienced, or are experiencing, similar behavior from their child(ren). Of the MANY welcomed suggestions, we decided to implement two of them when other tactics weren’t working: “don’t punish at home for something that happened at school” and “incorporate some structured activity into every day at home”.

Those tactics, along with a suggestion (from the person who recommended Claritin) that maybe the Allergy meds were to blame, seem to have joined forces to re-create our energetic, fun, happy child who listens as well as most 4 ½ year olds do - but who doesn't act like a complete lunatic.

Last week he earned 3 greens and 1 yellow (had one sick day), and so far this week all greens. We are so happy to have our boy back.

*I did not have seasonal allergies until a year after my son was born.

**The warnings on the box of Claritin do indicate that the medication may cause hyperactivity in children. But who really pays attention to that stuff?

North Myrtle Beach

2010-06-23T19:12:00.012-04:00

On June 17, we left for our journey to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We drove about 7 hours and stayed at a Comfort Inn in Max Meadows, Virgnia. Shortly after we got there, the boy wanted to get in the pool, natch, so, we got our suits on and headed to the pool. Upon looking at the pool...we thought it was weird that there was a film on the top. I couldn't convince him to wait a second, so Zane and I started down the steps and Dan popped open the filter. The inside of the filter was coated with brown gunk. Dan thought it looked like someone had vomited in the pool! OMG!!! We immediately got out and told the front desk clerk. She apologized and said she would call maintenance. We went back to our room and showered and headed to dinner. The boy is addicted to Cracker Barrel, so that's where we ended up. When we returned, we saw that the pool was being cleaned.

Since we were stuck in our room in a podunk town in VA waiting for the pool to be cleaned, we entertained ourselves by jumping beds and the boy threatening to turn the heat on in the room.

After totally restless hours of tossing and turning, listening to the a/c unit click on and off (stupid energy saver), and the cackling women in the room next to us, I finally decided to stick my earbuds in my ears and was able to drown out the noise enough to get about 4 hours of sleep. We headed down to the pool in the morning, before checking out and it appeared to be clean and ok for use. We spent an hour in the pool before showering and hitting the road.

We drove the remaining 5 1/2 hours through the beautiful mountains in West Virginia, and then through some really random - almost residential and back woods - places. I'm used to driving to NYC (after all, I've been doing it at least once a year for 18 years) where you take the turnpike the whole way. There was a lot of navigating, so I had to almost pay constant attention. Not fun when your kid wants you to sit in back and watch movies or read or play games.

My husband drove the entire way, and round about Winston-Salem, NC, his driving frightened me enough to make me cry. CRY! He was playing chicken (or whatever you want to call it) with some idiot on the road. He was driving recklessly, weaving in and out of traffic, slamming on is breaks, veering toward this guy, etc. I was so scared. Z was so upset with him for making me cry. After telling him he can do that shit on his own time and not when Z and I are in the car, I didn't speak to him until we arrived NMB, other than to give him directions.

About 20 minutes outside NMB, it started pouring. So hard that people were pulling off the road. My husband, was of course, speeding. It cleared up and then a few minutes later began to hail.

We arrived at The Bay Watch Resort, and I think the front desk clerk upgraded our room because I paid for a non-beach front room. We ended up with beach front, a balcony, 2 bedrooms, full kitchen, spa tub and murphy bed in the living room. I paid $120/night for this room...it was pretty friggin awesome. It was about 5pm by the time we checked in and unloaded, so we didn't bother with renting an umbrella and chairs. We just headed right down to the beach and picked a spot. We spent the next hour or so going in and out of the ocean, digging in the sand and searching for seashells. We headed inside for some dinner. Decided to order pizza so we could get the most of our first few hours before heading to bed. We ordered from the Ultimate California Pizza. I ordered the usual all meat pizza for Dan and concocted what ended up being the best pizza I have ever had in my life for the boy and I. Pepperoni, hot peppers, black olives and smoked gouda cheese. It was a dream.

Saturday morning, after a 30 minute battle to get the boy to take his antibiotics (was diagnosed with pink eye on Monday), and after an hour long punishment of staying in the room, we headed down to the beach and enjoyed our rented ($25/day) umbrella and chairs. The breeze and getting in and out of the water frequently, made the 95 degree weather almost bearable. Plus, drinking beer helped. We packed up our bags and headed up to our room to change for lunch. On the walk, not realizing how hot the sand would be once we were away from the wet/water soaked sand...the bottoms of my feet were getting burned with every step. I was able to stop long enough to dig my flip flops out of our bag and put them on only to hobble the rest of the way to our hotel. We went into town for lunch and nearly passed out when we stepped out of the car and onto the pavement. It had to be 105 degrees or hotter. Disgusting! At lunch, I checked the bottoms of my feet...sure enough...BLISTERS. 4 of my toes had big fat blisters on the bottoms. Yippee!!! We ate, picked up a few groceries at WalMart and headed back to the beach. I never thought I would WANT to go back to the beach, but despite the blistered toes it was so much cooler than in town. It was a relief to get back and I made sure to wear my flip flops when we walked in the sand. We spent some time in the pools too. Later, we changed our clothes and headed to dinner before going to Mel and Jacques' beach house for a "night before the wedding gathering". We had fun playing in the pool, drinking beer and hanging out.

Sunday morning came early, and we got dressed for the wedding. I wore a maxi dress and Z and daddy both wore linen pants and nice shirts. I was a bit shocked by what some of the guests were wearing. Swim trunks and tshirts, jean shorts and tshirts, etc. Um...it's still a wedding. No matter that it was hot as hell, and on a beach. STILL A WEDDING. Respect. Anyway, at 10am it was already 85 degrees.

It was a scorcher by the time we walked down onto the beach and found a nice spot to have the ceremony. We formed 2 lines, and Mel and Jacques walked between us while we hummed "Here Comes the Bride". It was fun. Then we all gathered around and watched as they exchanged vows. She made a beautiful bride...and you could tell she was as happy as could be to be marrying her prince on the beach. After a few group shots, we headed back to the beach house. A few minutes later, my blackberry screen went white and a message appeared that said "internal error, take in for service". AGHHHH! Despite being unconnected to the world, we had a great time sweating our asses off, sucking down margaritas and partying until dark. So grateful for the tweens who were there and doting on my boy all night. Ahhh, now that was awesome!

It was awful and not awful all at the same time. Would I go again? Probably not unless I have to. I'm not one to just sit on a beach, or play in water all day. I like to DO and I like to SEE. We really only had a day and half to ourselves, so we had no time to do or see anything but water and sand. That's not my thang. NOT AT ALL. I did enjoy people watching, but after a while I just start to find annoying things about people. If we would have had more time, I would have liked to check out Broadway at the Beach, the Aquarium and Amusement Park, Shopping, Medieval Times (loved it in NJ - but that was before Z came along), Put Put Golf, more shopping, etc. But there was no time for any of it. I am SO GLAD we were able to go to celebrate Mel's wedding. That's what the trip was all about. It wasn't about me. I was SO GLAD to see my boys face when he saw the ocean for the first time and the first time he stepped foot in it. He had a blast. That's also what this trip was about. It wasn't about me.

So...would I go back. Yeah, probably, if that's what my boy really wants to do (although...on the ride, he mentioned that he likes NYC way better...he was only 2 the last time we were there though...so I'm not sure there's much meaning to that). But we would have to pack some entertainment into the trip. Even only a day and a half was too much "nothing" for me.

I would definitely never go in the summer again. That's just INSANE!

Big Boy Turns 4

2010-06-23T19:03:00.003-04:00

So, I'm a bit late for this. Over a month late. Life is crazy. What can I say.

My boy turned 4. We had a family only party at the house, and he was showered with gifts.

4 seems to be a bit better than 3. He understands so much, is doing so well at school and the fits and sass seem to have settled...somewhat.

His birthday cake was an awesome monster truck show re-creation. I must admit I did a great job!

His 4 year well visit went well. 50th percentile for weight and off the charts for height. Dr. S said he would likely be 6'5"ish, which is no surprise since my brother is 6'6" and I have a tall family. Daddy's uncles are tall too.

yakkety yak

2010-02-18T19:26:00.010-05:00

It's been a while since I have posted. I am so swamped at work, I hardly have time to screw off on my Blackberry and on Facebook. Yeah, I know. Poor me.

My new(ish) position is completely insane. I am pulled in 10 different directions every day, by a dozen different people. I have 2 people who I manage, who have had a few PTO days recently, which means I HAVE TO COVER for them while continuing to do my job. This consists of, depending who has the PTO, either manning the front desk and answering phones, shipping an enormous amount of things, miscellaneous nonsense I haven't had to deal with in years, or hours and hours of word processing, formatting, report assembly, etc. On top of these duties, I still have to perform my usual duties: administering the office, writing checks, working in our janky accounting software, invoicing for not one, nor two, but 7 people in the office which has amounted to 50 invoices that are not cut and dry and include a lot of back-door work, balancing the founders various accounts, managing the founders various projects, managing the founders everything, fielding complaints and dealing with said complaints, remodeling the conference room and dealing with people asking me a thousand times a day when it is going to be finished, and many other tasks daily and still doing all I used to do in my old job. I am lucky if I get to enjoy 2 lunch hours a week.

I am whipped when I get home. I rarely get online. I am in bed by 9:30pm.

I'm still trying to lose weight. I'm sort of in panic mode now. BFF's wedding is in 4 months. In Myrtle Beach. I can't think of anything that scares me more than spending a few days in the south, on a beach, in the summer. I hate being hot. I don't wear bathing suits in front of people. I don't like sun or water. And, well, I like to keep my gross old body covered.

Still doing weight watchers, and have lost the 10 lbs I lost and gained several months ago. Have given up on the gym (see above...no time, exhausted + inconvenient), but recently got a used (free) treadmill. Have been waking at 5am to either do the treadmill or my Walk Away The Pounds dvds. The treadmill motor seems to be going bad, so it's not really functional right now and I don't have the energy to fight with it every day, so I'm doing the dvds. Husband is mechanically inclined, so just waiting for him to fix it.

Need to lose 32 lbs to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My son will be 4 in May. This is now considered "Pre-School Weight".

The boy. Well, age 3 has been very challenging. But I have to say that as we close in on 4, things seem to be improving. He is a very strong headed boy, but he is also very sweet. He loves him some mama! The sassy mouth is a bit under control and he is more agreeable. He knows limits and doesn't push every one every day anymore. And he knows he has to "earn" special outings/things by behaving well. I purchased a "Barrel of Monkeys" at the beginning of the year - because sticker charts do not work anymore - and he earns a monkey for each time he gets dressed without a fight, brushes teeth, eats dinner, keeps the sass in check, etc.

When all Monkeys are earned, we have a special outing. Last outing was the Hands On Museum, Clover Leaf Restaurant, and a new truck. He still sort-of fights getting dressed and brushing teeth nearly every day, but it seems as long as I either distract him with talking nonsense or watching cartoons, I can whip his clothes on in no time. He was getting time outs every morning, we would have yelling matches, everyone was stressed out, it was terrible. So, things have definitely improved. I have to hide the toothpaste way down inside the bristles because "I don't like toothpaste", so, in order to brush with toothpaste I have to hide it. Daddy has little patience at all with this morning fighting, so I am handle getting dressed and brushing teeth. I am hopeful that my techniques will eventually sink in with my husband and he can take over. Until then...Whatevs. (see above...no time, no energy, etc)

I love his school, his teachers and having him across the street from me. He doesn't cry when I drop him off anymore. I get one kiss and one hug instead of the crying and clinging and whining I got every day for nearly 3 months. He can spell several words and some of the things he says seem (to me) like things "big boys" would say. IE: Mommy, why are Pine Trees used for Christmas Trees instead of another kind of tree? And one day when Daddy put him in a time out, he was really upset about telling me why he got a time out, because "I don't want you to be mad at me".

At school, his BFF is Dominic. This boy is super sweet, adorable, and has a fantastic personality. He even hugs me every time I see him. I have his mom's phone number and intend to set up a play date. Making the first move and talking to someone I don't know is completely out of my comfort zone, but well...the things we do for our kids.

Bedtime is better. We have gone from sleeping in his bed with him - what a terrible habit that was - to sitting in the chair until he falls asleep, to sitting in the chair for 10 minutes, to not being in his room at all after books are read, hugs and kisses are given and friends are tucked in with him. We leave the hall light on all night and that seems to help. There is the occasional middle of the night where he is afraid of one thing or another and comes into our room or just calls for me (ME!) in the night. When he calls for me, I send daddy in...because, guess who has a job and who doesn't.

Daddy is in his 2nd semester of school and is doing really well. Should have an Associates in Applied Electrical Science by the end of the year. He will be able to collect unemployment for another year after that, so will likely go on to UT to work toward an Electrical Engineering degree. As long as we can manage financially, this is the plan.

Finished our taxes this week and the most bizarre thing happened: despite making (gasp) $24k (!!) less in 2009 than we did in 2008, we are getting nearly 5 times as much back as we usually do. For the first time ever, we are getting money back from the state. For the first time since the boy was born, we were able to claim child care. Also got the credit for insulating our house, and several different credits because daddy is a displaced worker, a veteran and is getting re-educated. We are getting more back this year than we did when A) we bought our house and B) when the boy was born. We've dipped into the savings account a couple times, so for me and my constant freaking out about balances, this couldn't come at a better time. Plus I was really feeling guilty about dipping into savings for Myrtle Beach.

We've made it through a full year of daddy being unemployed, and I'm happy to say that we've been able to make the finances work without adjusting much (well, my shoe and purse purchases are under control - kinda sorta), have only dipped a bit from savings, and have not accumulated any credit card debt. It is lovely being credit card debt free - going on our 6th year.

We made a few inexpensive changes to the half bath and it has made a world of difference. It looks like a different room to me. Will use a bit of the tax money for a couple other small improvements. Also plan to get a DVR and a blue-ray player so we can stream in Nexflix. Never ever thought I would see the day that I wanted or saw a need for a DVR, but the day has come. I am just too damn tired to stay up and watch my shows and I really sort of like waking up at 5am to exercise. It's the only time there is no chaos.

I try to read some of my favorite blogs, and still read books at night before falling asleep. I have a couple hard cover books I need to finish up and then I plan to get a Kindle. The library doesn't work well for me, and I get sick of looking at stacks of books around the house. While I love most of the blogs I read, I have to say that there are a few bloggers who drive me absolutely insane with their constant complaining and misuse of certain words...I need to stop reading them, but it's like a train wreck, ya know?

I turned 40, which isn't as bad as it seems. Love that people seem shocked I am THAT OLD. Got a big butterfly tat on my back as my gift to myself. It's beautiful. Am already dying for my next one. The addiction runs deep.

Things are well. We are making it work. I am working my ass off. I only wish I was really working my ass off. Seems like I say that often.

Is it next year, already?

2010-01-02T21:20:00.012-05:00

Jeesh. I know it's 2010, but I didn't really realize it was next year already.

2009...in a nutshell.
ο Celebrated my son's 3rd birthday
ο My company merged with another company
ο Got a 5% pay raise and a promotion in the merger, and now manage 2 people
ο My husband lost his job
ο My husband quit his part time/temporary job working with his brother
ο My husband remains unemployed, but is a full time student
ο Obama is giving my husband $6000 per school year (september to june) for school and school related expenses
ο Obama bought my husband a new laptop
ο We took the boy out of the "home sitter" and put him in full time preschool
ο I joined weight watchers (again) and continued to struggle
ο I celebrated 10 years of being smoke-free
ο Celebrated 10 years of wedded bliss
ο My house is fully insulated, but is still drafty - UGH
ο Finally have a new light fixture and fixed ceiling in the half bath
ο My family didn't go on a vacation
ο Tried a Spin class and actually really enjoyed it
ο Reconnected with one of my very best friends in the whole world
ο Nobody died, and there were no Emergency Room visits
ο A cousin (39) was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy only to discover they didn't get all of the cancer
ο Found an enormous lump in my left breast and had a mammogram and ultrasound and found out that it was a completely normal cyst

ο Got a new Blackberry, er, Crackberry
ο Leased a new car
ο Surprised my parents with a basket of goodies in their hotel room when they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary since I threw a big bash for their 45th

ο Enjoyed a date night (with boy sleeping over at Gma and Gpa's) nearly every month

ο Went to the Holiday Parade in downtown Toledo for the first time ever

ο Celebrated one year of not having to deal with diapers

ο Contemplated letting my gray grow in, but end up coming to my senses and coloring every time

ο Appeared to have shocked several people when I told them my age - will color hair and wear sunscreen forever

ο Celebrated my husbands 40th birthday with a parents + kids party

ο Dismantled the boys crib and assembled his full size bed

ο Battled nap time for several months after the bed conversion before totally giving up

ο Painted and repaired our garage, and got it added to our homeowners insurance

ο Realized that I should never have listened to anyone who told me it was time to take my son out of the crib. If I could go back in time, he would be in it until he no longer fit

ο Lost and gained 10 lbs

ο Had 2 steroid injections in my back and after experiencing 3 numb fingers on my left hand, discovered that I have 2 herniated discs in my neck

ο Hung myself from our home traction unit every day for weeks and got better results than with physical therapy

ο Was given a recipe for 1 point muffins and I absolutely cannot imagine not having 2 of them every day

ο Voted for Adam Lambert and still love him and his raciness

ο Donated clothes and shoes to a few charities

It was a year of ups and downs and refocusing. I'm looking forward to seeing what this new year brings us. How could the year Twenty Ten not be great?

A Brown Christmas

2009-12-25T21:59:00.007-05:00

The day started with excitement oozing out of my 3 1/2 year old. He woke up at 6:30am, came downstairs and was thrilled to see that Santa did indeed make a stop at our house.

Santa overdid it, of course, because if it's worth doing...it's worth overdoing. That's just this Santa's policy. We spent the day playing trucks, legos, Candy Land, Dominoes, Bendaroos, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and learning how to use the Leapster 2. It was fun, for about a couple hours.

Then the overstimulated "fortunate" boy (read: spoiled rotten) started getting whiny, cranky, etc. (See? See what I did there? I talk about overdoing...and then complain that my child is a brat. What the?) Anyway, we popped in the new Tom & Jerry DVD and while that worked for a while, he was still pretty wound up. Obviously overstimulated.

After fighting to get dressed (just like any other day...because he hates clothes, remember), we scooted out the door and headed to Grandma and Grandpa's. Thank goodness for that trip! He took a nap in the car, all 45 minutes of it. It was nice to get out of the house and have the opportunity to pawn him off on G'ma and G'pa for a bit. Plus, there's the fact that he is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT child when around G'ma and G'pa.

Anyway, he had piles more gifts from G'ma and G'pa, and was pretty well behaved for about 2.5 hours...then it went way down hill. Tired. Overstimulated. Time to leave.

He was awake the entire ride home, but once home and laying in bed, he fell asleep within minutes. Barely made it through the first book. Thank goodness!

Speaking of books...THEE coolest gift of all. "Twas the Night Before Christmas" narrated (recorded) by G'ma and G'pa. This is something I think the boy and I will both treasure forever.

It rained the entire day and the dusting of snow we had is now gone and we are left with mud. A brown Christmas. Pfft.

Check. Check. Is this thing on?

2009-11-24T21:08:00.004-05:00

Hi, yes, it's me. I am alive. Just caught up in, er, life, I guess. I'm just going to ramble on a bit, how's that?

The boy started his new school. He cries every morning, doesn't want me to leave. But when I pick him up, he rambles on and on about how much fun he had. He has been going almost a full month, and still cries every morning, was sent home with a fever of 101.5, still has a cold, has had the croup. The joys of new germs. Yummy.

They've been practicing for their Holiday Program, which I am insanely excited about. If we wouldn't have made the switch from home sitter to daycare, I wouldn't get a Holiday Program until Kindergarten. So excited I can't stand it, and it hasn't even happened yet.

The boy occasionally asks why he doesn't go to Pat's anymore. I wasn't sure what to say. So, I said "Because Pat wasn't teaching you anything and we want to make sure you are ready for Kindergarten when you get bigger". He bought it. He talks about his little friend Tommy (at Pat's) a lot. I should probably try to get Tommy's moms phone number.

My job is insanely busy. This is good, yes, but I am absolutely beat at the end of the day. I wear about a dozen or so different hats throughout the day and am amazed each and every day when I look up and it's 5pm. Where did the day go? Did I finish one thing from start to finish...likely not. Hats strewn about my desk are very distracting.

The husband quit working with his brother because they can't seem to get along. The 2 days he was working with him were also making it difficult for him to get his school work done. So, now he is staying home all week. He is doing all of the cooking, all of the laundry, and most of the cleaning, which is lovely to come home to. Not sure how long we are going to survive on my salary plus unemployment, but we're going to give it a shot.

I feel like a slug. Failing miserably at WW. Needed a "break" from spin. That was 2 weeks ago. I want to go to spin, and I want to follow WW...but all of those hats are very distracting.

Christmas shopping is done except for nieces and parents. Everything is picked out, just need to buy it. Should be done tomorrow.

Dying for a vacation. Out of my mind that I don't get my annual trip to NYC this year. Have to keep reminding myself that this situation won't last forever and will be in NYC again soon. Also need to remind myself that we are going to Myrtle Beach in the summer. GADS. Every time I say it, it makes me want to barf. Summer in the South. I can't think of anything less appealing. Well...frogs are less appealing. But, that's about it. OMG, and especially if I don't lose this weight. Can you imagine.

Need new living room furniture desperately. No money for it. Husband says it's at the bottom of the priority list. Completely disagree.

Time to wash this L'Oreal Dark Brown hair color out of my hair and hope the gray is gone. If not, I guess it's a good thing I have so many hats.

15 minutes = $30

2009-10-31T21:04:00.005-04:00

[googly eye glasses that Grandma and Grandpa were handing out}

The first costume Zane picked out was a Tiger. It was sized for age 3-4. I didn't think to try it on him before we left the store. Because, well, he's size 3-4. A couple hours after we got home, he said he wanted to try it on. Well...we tried to put it on. I think the size was more like 24 months...it was a 1 piece "suit" and it was about 5 inches too short from going over his shoulders, and the legs were 4-5 inches too short as well. So the Halloween Store's policy...No Returns, No Exchanges, No Refunds.

Well, that is, unless you are me. Natch.

We went back to the store that night, about 4 hours after we purchased the Tiger costume, and I explained the situation. She hemmed and hawed a bit and then decided that as long as we pick something that is the same price or more we could exchange it.

YIPPEE.

So, we settled on the Thomas the Tank Engine costume, $30 - more expensive than the tiger. Again, natch.

He wore it for approximately 15 minutes tonight. We went to 2 houses in Adrian (Grandma and Grandpa Owens' neighborhood) and then he was done. He didn't even want to sit on the porch and hand out candy. He wanted to sit inside and play with his trucks/trains. He didn't even want to eat any candy.

Daddy is disappointed that he appears to have developed his mother's love (read: dislike) of Halloween.

FREE BREAST IMPLANTS!

2009-10-25T20:50:00.004-04:00

Doctors. They're supposed to help, right? They are supposed to be healers. They are supposed to make us feel better. Right? Right???

Well, last week I noticed a wet spot on the cups of my bra. Nipple discharge.

After the fog cleared around me, I picked up the phone and called my Dr's office. I was able to get in first thing the next morning.

I arrived 10 minutes early (why do I always do that for Dr appointments, knowing damn well they will be late) and was under the impression I would see MY Dr. It wasn't until this obnoxious red haired bitch walked in that I realized I got in so quickly because I was seeing the Dr that was available.

Her ramped up demeanor, belittling attitude and obnoxious tone of voice had me retracting the instant she walked in. I told her why I was there, and that I had recently had a mammogram which said that the large (um, nearly the size of a tennis ball) cyst in my breast was perfectly normal...and now I have stains on my bra from discharge. I also told her that several people, including someone who HAS breast cancer right now that started with finding a "perfectly normal cyst", have recommended that I have the cyst biopsied. This is when she went off the deep end.

The attitude got even worse and she spoke to me as if my concerns and the concerns of other people were inconsequential. She told me I shouldn't take advice from anyone who isn't a "Dr" (complete with the finger "quotes"), and that the cyst is completely normal and I should think of it as a FREE BREAST IMPLANT and stop worrying! Yes! She said this to me. A female fucking doctor, talking to a freaked out patient who is convinced she has breast cancer! How inappropriate was that?

Anyway, my mind was whirling the entire time I was there. I wanted to ask her who the hell she thought she was. Or who she thought she was talking to. I wanted to tell her to leave the room and send in Dr. W. I wanted to PUMMEL HER.

She did refer me to a surgeon who could drain the cyst (for comfort sake) and told me that if I wanted to have it biopsied, to go ahead but she wouldn't refer me to anyone, and she ordered blood work to have the levels in my pituitary gland checked. If I have a tumor on my pituitary gland, that can cause nipple discharge. We'll see.

*the discharge could be any number of things: stimulation, from the pressing and squeezing of the mammogram, tumor on the pituitary gland, etc...

Infinity Plus Ten

2009-09-25T08:31:00.000-04:00

Ten years ago today, Dan and I exchanged vows in the Evergreen Hill area of Hidden Lake Gardens. I had big plans of surprising him with a visit to the site in which we exchanged vows, we were going to have wine and a picnic lunch. We were going to be driven by limousine. We were going to have the day to ourselves to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

Then reality hit. The boy has Zoo Preschool from 9am to 11:30am on Fridays. My husband has school from 8am to 2pm on Fridays.

My plans...out the window.

Then my mom made an offer we couldn't refuse. "How about if your dad and I keep Zane Saturday night (over night)?"....well, HELLS YES! This would be the first time in Zane's 3 years, 4 months and 6 days that he has ever slept in a house/hotel/apartment without us. Which also means this is the first night in 3 years, 4 months and 5 days that we've had a night alone.

So, how exciting is that? Wow!

No clue what we'll do (heh!)...but it will be fun. And I can't wait. Was supposed to go back to Paris for our 10th, but I suppose a night alone is second best.

Anyway, Happy Happy 10th Anniversary to my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life.

9/11/09

2009-09-11T12:36:00.005-04:00

This day of rememberance has always left my heart heavy. I will never forget where I was, what I was doing or how I was feeling. I will never forget my visit to NYC just over a month after the attacks. I will never forget the site. I will never forget the smell. Oh, the smell. I will never forget the mourners. The still standing church just mere feet from the rubble. I will never forget the photo's of victims...some already declared dead. Some "missing". Walking up and down the streets surrounding the WTC was perhaps the most humbling experience of my life.

But this day, 9/11/09, will be a day I remember forever for the good things it brought.

The boy started Preschool today at The Toledo Zoo. We've been talking about it a lot in hopes of preparing him to go to school, with people he doesn't know, without mommy or daddy. He did a SUPER job. He instantly made friends with a boy named Jake. When the teachers arrived and told all of the kids to hang onto the rope, my son abliged without any argument. I wasn't aware he could follow instructions.

He held the rope (if one of the kids drops the rope, the group stops) all the way into the school. He didn't look back. He didn't cry. Meanwhile, I was standing around the corner (peeking) with tears streaming down my face.

I finally got in my car and headed to my next destination. St. Anne's Mercy Cancer Center.

2 weeks ago I experienced sharp shooting pains in my left breast which lasted for about 2 hours. I scheduled an appointment with my GP and she felt a large mass, and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.

At 10am this morning, I had both tests. I have been a NERVOUS WRECK for 2 weeks. There is history of breast cancer on both sides of my family. Not first degree relatives, but 2nd and 3rd.

Since my tests were "diagnostic" and not just preventative, the radiologist read the results immediately.

Turns out I do have a cyst. A PREFECTLY NORMAL LOOKING CYST. So normal, in fact, that they said no further tests or procedures were necessary.

So, thank goodness. My 2 week breast cancer scare is over.

I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER.

I.DO.NOT.HAVE.BREAST.CANCER.

*breathe*

Sand and Surf

2009-08-01T21:34:00.006-04:00

We went to the beach today. Lake Erie, Vermillion Ohio, Volunteer Bay beach area to be exact.

85 degrees and blue skies. Too hot for my blood. But, I suppose it wasn't about me.

The boy had a great time. From digging, to driving trucks in the sand and the big hole, to looking for shells, to floating in the water, running along the shore, acting like a dog, running up the steps, etc.

None of it held his interest for long. It was non stop from one thing to the other and back again.

We had fun, oh sure. Could I ever see myself doing this every day? No. Could I ever see myself vacationing on a beach? Highly unlikely.

He dumped sand on his friends head. He got a time out. ON THE BEACH.

Miraculously they said they wanted us to come back up again soon. And we will. It was a good time and the boys played great together, except for the whole time out ON THE BEACH thing.

Good news is that I'm feeling good about Weight Watchers. Had an excellent and super motivating meeting this morning. So, maybe someday I will get in a bathing suit and in the water with him. Maybe someday I will be back in front of the camera instead of always behind it. And maybe someday I will want to take a beach vacation. Maybe. Someday. Maybe.

A more deserving couple there is not

2009-07-12T21:17:00.003-04:00

Very good friends of mine are hoping to adopt a child.

Please visit their website to learn more about them and their dreams of having a family.

I am asking you to spread the word...keep your eyes and ears open...contact my friends or I if you learn of a mother considering adoption.

They are everything that parents should be and more...

Sleep with me

2009-07-10T20:49:00.005-04:00

On, Friday, June 3rd, Mommy put together your big boy bed. A full size bed with super cute truck/car bedding.

You were incredibly excited to see it and immediately climbed up and began jumping and twirling and singing.

On your first night, Mommy crawled into bed with you and read you two books. You wanted Mommy to stay. So I did. I woke up to you tapping my shoulder saying "Mommy, I woke up in my big boy bed, lets get up". It was 7:40am. Good job buddy.

Day two naptime came. I sat in your bed and read you a book and then told you that you could read and play IN your bed, but we need to have quiet time. I heard you horsing around for a bit but then it was quiet. You napped for 2 hours.

Day two bedtime was the same as the first night. Mommy woke up at 11pm and went in her own bed though, instead of staying with you all night.

Day three nap was not such a success. Daddy laid with you (mommy was out running errands) and said you were jumping all over him, so he left you to nap. An hour later, Daddy said you were wandering around upstairs. No nap.

Bedtime that night you were exhausted. So, bath time and then mommy laid with you for 15 minutes, read 2 books and told you that you could continue reading or playing IN your bed and I would check on you in a little bit. 5 minutes later I hear you padding around upstairs. You have to go to the bathroom. You use the bathrom and it's back to bed. I peek up 15-20 minutes later, your light is on. I open the door and tell you lights out, to which you reply "I'm reading and I need the light to see my book". Ok! Lights out when you are done with our book. I checked back in 15 minutes, your light was out and you were quiet.

Day 4, I laid with you for a few minutes and told you that you could read. You turned your light off after 15-20 minutes and were quiet. Naptime at the sitter, no clue how that went.

Day 5. Same routine only you were pretty wound up. You were jumping around and acting like a maniac for what seemed like forever. Mommy and Daddy left and I heard you padding around upstairs after just a few minutes. You had to pee. After your business, you went back to bed. 15 minutes later, you are sitting at the top of the steps calling my name. You want to show me the string you pulled off your jammies. I send you back to bed, only to hear you (fake) crying 10 minutes later. I come in and you tell me you need the yellow duckie from the hanging stuffed animal bin. I gave you the duck and left. I come up to bed at 10:15pm to find you awake with an enormous amount of stuff (everything else from the hanging bin) in your bed reading books. I turn out the light and tell you I am going to bed and not coming back in. You go to sleep. Or, at least I think you do. Sitter...no idea about the nap.

Day six...wound up, acting like a crazee, had to pee, want me to stay, etc. I left after 15 minutes. You screwed around until I came in at 10:15pm. You said you were afraid of the firecrackers. I crawled into bed with you and slept with you until 12:30am. You were up at 6:15am. Nap at the sitter...I think.

Day 7 - had to pee, acting crazy, insisted that I stay after reading. I stayed for 15 minutes. You were up there screwing around for quite some time, I was exhausted and couldn't deal, so I crawled into bed with you. At least that way I knew where you were. Sitter for nap.

Will someone tell me why it was so necessary to get him in a big boy bed? Was three and a month and a half really too old to sleep in a crib? Because we never had sleep issues in the crib. He has been a dream of a sleeper since he was 3 months old. And now I have to deal with this?

MEH. MEH, I say. MEH.

Before and After

2009-07-03T11:49:00.003-04:00

Thank you Gus&Max for 3 great years of Mod Cube Bedding.

Thank you Land Of Nod for the next (hopefully) many years of Department of Motor Vehicles Bedding.

I can't wait to see my big boys face when he see's his new room.

Exciting and sad at the same time.

rambling. oh, and more rambling.

2009-06-30T20:55:00.002-04:00

Phew! It was difficult, but I did it!

2 posts in June.

Pathetic.

So....there are many things swirling around in my head. Things I want, things I need, things I want to do, things I need to do. I'm a bit obsessed with thinking about these things, yet, I have very little motivation for the things that need to get done and not near enough money for the things that need to be purchased.

...new dishwasher (current one no longer *cleans*), front porch furniture, upstairs bathroom remodel, living room furniture, new mattress, mastopexy...garage door painted, picnic table painted, broken Adirondack chair fixed and both painted, back screen door painted, front porch painted, toys and outgrown clothes donated...

I have drawn 3 tattoos that I want to get, and am searching for a big colorful butterfly, or a group of them, too. I have to earn these new tattoos, by losing weight, and have joined Weight Watchers again (on June 9) and have lost 6.4 lbs in 3 weeks. I feel ok about that. It didn't come on overnight, it certainly isn't going to come off that way. At 20 lbs lost I can get my next tattoo. I am motivated by this. I am also motivated by having WW buddies this time around. I had buddies when I was successful and made Lifetime 5+ years ago. I have joined 2 times since the boy was born, and have failed miserably. I'm ready. I'm excited. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my skin anymore. My husband is so fit. SO incredibly fit. And even more so now that he does hard physical labor all day. We must look really silly together. Ugh.

I want to wear all of my skinny clothes. I spent a LOT of money on those clothes.

I want to go on a family vacation. Very much need to get away, but think travel with a rambunctious 3 year old boy will be more frustrating than relaxing. Plus, it would have to be fun for all of us, which is difficult when your child loves water, hot weather, being outside, etc. and mom hates all of those things. Ugh. Need to look for a place nearby that has something for everyone. I hate being hot...so it will probably have to wait until the fall. And then we'll have Zoo Preschool schedule to deal with. Ugh.

Need to decide what classes to take and get registered. Hello. Why am I procrastinating this?

Moving to our new office on the 17th. Exciting and scary at the same time.

There's more. I'm just very well prepared.

THUH-RHEE

2009-06-04T21:12:00.005-04:00

Ok, yes, I love my son to pieces. But...

The early stages of three are making me insane. Where to begin?

The mornings...he will stand and cry until I pick him up and CARRY him down the steps. He weighs 35 lbs and I have a friggin herniated disc in my neck! Pain.

He eats breakfast in front of cartoons...which is fine, it's peaceful...but then REFUSES to brush his teeth. I have to bring the tooth brush to him and practically SIT ON HIM to brush his friggin teeth. Every.Single.Morning. Exhausting.

Lately, he wants me to CARRY him to the car too. UGH.

We were at a party a couple weeks ago, and all of the kids (ALL) were lining up and getting ready to take their turn at hitting the pinata. My son stood in the middle of the kids and screamed at me, in the nastiest 3 year old tone ever, "Nooooo Mommy. I don't want to stand in line...I just want to use the bat. NOW!!!!" Nice.

The time out chair does not seem to work anymore, so time outs are now taken standing with his face in the corner. He hates it. Maybe it will work.

He sobs when he doesn't get his way. Sobs. Huge tears streaming down his face. Throws himself on the floor. Gags and coughs like he is going to barf.

He also sobs when his feelings get hurt. I feel sort of bad. But not really.

The night time putting on pajama issues have settled a bit...because I decided I should start doing bedtime alone again. Since daddy lost his job, we have been doing bedtime together...I think the boy felt the need to entertain us and see what kind of reaction he could get. He was out of control and often times daddy would have to PIN HIM DOWN to get his jammies on. Since I have been doing it alone, there is less craziness. So, we're going to go with this.

He gets over stimulated/excited/whatever and acts like a complete jerk. He gets upset when friends play with his toys, and sometimes even acts out by dumping a pail of sand on a friends head, or hitting a friend with whatever toy he is playing with. It's ridiculous.

He wants to be the center of attention. He cannot stand it when the world does not revolve around his every breath.

There is so much I don't like about three that I really can't put it all into words.

I love him to pieces and absolutely cannot imagine life without him. I am hopeful that three will only last until four and not until five like some other parents have told me. UGH.

Three

2009-05-19T07:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Zane,

The time has past so fast and I am amazed and awed by you on a daily basis. Who would have guessed my little Sweet Potato Pumpkin Pie would have turned into such a big boy so quickly. There's no way I could ever compile a comprehensive enough list of YOU, so here are just some tidbits I can think of...

*Vocabulary = incredible. Our neighbor (an early education teacher of many years) claims that you have the vocabulary of a 6-7 year old. I'm not sure I believe that, but you are awesome.

*You have an outstanding memory.

*You have started to spell a few words.

*You know your full name and birthdate.

*You were potty trained (pee) in 2 days, and about a week and half for the other.

*You are about 36 lbs, 39" tall.

*You wear a size 8 shoe.

*You are very excited that Daddy is home more and you want to play with him around the clock.

*When you are tired/hurt/sick/crabby, you only want Mommy.

*You are very nice and gentle with the kitties and they are now showing you how much they love you.

*You weren't afraid of Santa Clause, or the photographer who took our family pictures and your 3 yr portraits.

*You say cheese and look at me (usually) when I want to take your picture, which is a welcome change from you saying NO and running the opposite direction.

*You act like a wild boar when it's time to put jammies on for bedtime, but after 2 books, you still settle right down in bed.

*You are still in a crib although we have been talking about your big boy bed recently. Grandma and Grandpa gave you big boy bedding for your birthday.

*You like to have your door open at night now, and you occassionally talk about monsters, but believe mommy when I tell you that monsters can't get into our house because the kitties would eat them.

*You love trucks, trains, rocks and dirt. You are all boy.

*You hate time-out, but you continue to do the things that get you there.

*You like to use several different voices and like to make up your own words.

*You love when I use differnt voices when reading books and you always tell me to "talk like the truck/cow/kittens/car wash/slide, etc".

*You are wearing mostly 3T clothes, but many of them are too short. 4Ts are huge around if they don't have an adjustable waist.

*You went to the dentist for the first time and acted like you have been there a hundred times.

*When mommy is acting silly by calling things in books by the wrong, or goofy, names, you either say "nooooo, it's a ____" or you look at me like I am crazy but you don't want to hurt my feelings and say "okay".

*You have recently started picking up your things when I ask you to...which is very helpful.

*You love to HELP with anything.

*You are obsessed with the hose. You love to water the plants (you tell everyone..."I'm growing tomatoes by feeding them with the hose"), and the rocks in the back yard.

*You are still a great eater. Sometimes it's hard to keep you in your chair, but you still eat well and a lot. And you like most everything.

*You are still addicted to milk, and have never had juice or pop.

*You are a junk food junkie, but it appears you have your father's metabolism.

*Sometimes when I ask you to do something, you reply with "I can't, my back/neck/arm hurts" and it makes me feel terrible.

*You are very outgoing and will talk to anyone. You very rarely act shy around anyone.

*You pout, and sometimes cry big crocodile tears, when you don't get your way.

*You say you don't need a nap anymore and cause quite a ruccus sometimes but you settle right down once we are in your room reading books.

*You love to snuggle under a blanket on the couch with me.

*You hate brushing your teeth and fight it almost every day.

*You love to look for bugs.

*You collect sticks, rocks, leaves, grass clippings, etc. whenever we walk around the neighborhood.

*You love to talk on the phone and can actually hold a conversation (well, as much as a 3 yr old can).

*You love playing with your dad's tools.

*You love to push big trucks up and down the sidewak (and anywhere and everywhere). You are a pusher.

*You are on the go...go...go, around the clock.

I have so much love for you. People without children can never truly understand how much a child changes your life.

I love you buddy,

Mommy.

What a Girl (Mommy) Wants

2009-05-11T20:43:00.003-04:00

Mother's Day 2009

Sleeping in until 8:30am followed by a home cooked breakfast followed by a gift card to her favorite makeup store and a Zane original on canvas followed by Daddy and the Boy heading out to the park/woods/swamp to play for a few hours while mommy did whatever she pleased.

Ending with dinner with Grandma and Grandpa, in which the boy was incredibly well behaved even after waiting an hour for a table.

It doesn't get much better.

Ramble On

2009-05-05T20:48:00.004-04:00

As I was sitting on my office buildings City Room deck during my lunch break, I was thinking about some of the things that I love these days:

*The current weather. Rain or shine...60s and low 70s are just my style.

*Neurontin.

*That my new company offers tuition assistance.

*That when my son gets a boo-boo, only "I" will do.

*"It Sucked and Then I Cried", by Heather Armstrong. So much of it seems so familiar. I'm not sure I needed to be admitted to a mental hospital, but I guess we will never know. (and thanks Steve for getting me a signed copy)

*That my husband is home EVERY night and EVERY weekend. At last.

*That my new company dress code is a little more business casual and less slob.

*That my son corrects me when I call a piece of construction equipment by the wrong name.

*My new tattoo, especially after the touch up and added magenta heart.

*That I feel OK about having to take my check card out of my wallet in order to make our new budget work.

*The 75% off ($6) leather and suede flats I bought at Target to replace the $100 fsny flats that fell apart from too much love.

*That I feel good about cutting carbs and caffeine.

*That my husband agreed to do a "family only" 3rd Birthday Party for the boy.

*My Scion xB.

*My flower beds/yard/pots.

*That my best friend of 35+ years found a "nice guy" who treats her well and makes her happy. I won't mention that I tried to hook them up 15+ years ago.

*The Toledo Zoo, Metroparks and 'Hood adventure walks with the boy.

*That the parts of my job I dislike most will no longer be my responsibility.

*The sound of my son's laughter, even if he does occassionally sound possessed. That's part of his charm.

Throat Slitting

2009-04-30T20:35:00.002-04:00

I was out of my mind with anxiety over the thought of having this cervical surgery. Out of my friggin mind. Out.Of.My.Mind. Did you get that?

OUT.OF.MY.MIND.

On Tuesday, I met with an Orthopedic Surgeon at UT Medical Center. After talking to his assistant (a cute-ish Dr in training), he and the Ortho reviewed my MRI. They both came back in and did a couple strength tests, and then the Ortho said this (kinda sorta verbatim):

You do have a ruptured disc, but since you've only been feeling this way for a few weeks, I do not think surgery is the right thing to do at this time. Lets start with some medication and physical therapy. We'll do that for about 4 weeks. If that doesn't work, we will schedule a steroid injection. And if that doesn't work, then maybe we will talk about surgery. BUT, I think you will find much relief from the medication and physical therapy and won't even need to get the shots.

WHA?

Then he said this: I am very surprised that the Neurosurgeon you saw said your only option was surgery. That is not at all how we feel about your condition, and we feel other options should be explored/exhausted before we consider surgery.

WHA?

So, my PT starts next week and I am taking Methylprednisolone (a 6 day pack) and Neurontin. I'm thankful that the Methylprednisolone is only for 6 days as there is the chance of weight gain. That't the last thing in the world that I need. The Neurontin could cause all sorts of weird mood issues like "frank psychotic manifestations"...whatever the heck that means But, it could also cause euphoria. So far...euphoria is the only side effect I have had. And I rather like it.

My arm is a leetle bit sore, my index finger is still numb and I occassionally have muscle twitches, but the terrible pain and feeling that my arm is going to fall of, or rather is being PULLED off has gone away. I am giddy and giggly and feel good. It's very weird. Sort of...er, euphoric.

I'm diggin it.

And lastly, my son named his stuffed dog "Rudy Kazootie"....where does this random weirdness come from.

Lemony Snicket's Got Nothin On Me

2009-04-27T20:42:00.006-04:00

I've been absent. I know. I'm sortof just trying to keep my head above water right now.

On Friday, April 3rd, sitting at my desk at work...not really doing much of anything, my left arm started feeling tingly, heavy, painful, twitchy and my index finger and middle finger went numb. I shook it off to just weird "me" and enjoyed the weekend. Monday morning I still felt weird, so I got in to see my massage therapist right away. After an hour long massage...I felt the same. No relief whatsoever.

I made an appointment with a General Practioner. I have been terrible about having regular checkups with a doctor and was long overdue for a visit. Part of the problem was that I needed to find a new one, which seemed like a miserable daunting task. Since it was an emergency, I asked around and found a Doctor who was recommended and also a preferred provider on my insurance.

10 days after the initial incident and 10 days of eating Motrin & Advil like candy, I saw the doctor. First off...I love the Doctor. Her bedside manner was great, she was a new mom and was actually carrying her baby in a sling (oh, and the nurse was cool...tattooed, and her daughter works at the tattoo shop I go to)...anyway, she ordered bloodwork and an MRI.

I have the blood drawn on the 14th, the MRI on the 15th. The Dr's office calls on the 16th to tell me I have a protruding disc in my neck and they want me to see a Neurosurgeon. I ask if they can tell me what to take, or prescribe something, for pain because Motrin and Advil are doing nothing. She gives me a prescription for Ultram.

I see the Neuro on April 20th, and after a couple strength tests, and before reviewing my MRI he tells me exactly what is wrong. A ruptured/herniated disc at C6/7. He puts the MRI up and confirms that it is indeed a ruptured/herniated disc and it is actually pressing on my spinal cord. Hence the arm issues. I also have a ruptured/herniated disc at C5/6, but not as bad.

His recommendation? Anterior Cervical Microdisectomy/Fusion...which consists of an incision in the FRONT OF MY NECK, navigating thru my neck tissue, carotid artery, voice box, trachea, and esophagus to get to my spine where the ruptured discs are removed and replaced.

Recovery period is 2-8 weeks! I wouldn't be able to lift more than 10 lbs for 3 weeks and 20 after 4 weeks, which will make life with a 3 year old very difficult.

I am SOBBING when I leave the Neuro's office. There HAS TO be another option.

I decide I should get a second opinion and after talking to a friend, have made an appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon. My appointment is tomorrow.

I have no idea what I will do if his only recommendation is to CUT. I realize they are surgeons, but it sure seems like some sort of therapy or other method of recovery/pain management would have to be exhausted before jumping into CUTTING MY NECK OPEN!

And...on top of all of this nonsense, my employer announced their merger last week. The merger is a good move for the company and I have very positive thoughts and feelings about this merger, but there's still a bit of me that is scared. I've been down this road before.

And, And...my husband's severance has run out. We are now living in reality.

And lastly...our 1 and only credit card company (Bank of Fucking America In The Ass) sent a notice that our 6.99% FIXED rate is being changed to a VARIABLE rate...currently 25.65%!!! We have a modest balance, pay on time (automatic payments), pay the minimum, etc. We have never ever done anything wrong. WHY? WHY? WHY? Mother fuckers.

Must.Remain.Positive.

I love this little boy...that's positive.

four-oh

2009-04-19T14:11:00.003-04:00

My love is 40 today. FORTY!

And still as hot as hell.

WOW!

So sweet

2009-04-05T21:12:00.003-04:00

How did my baby get so big? I am in denial that he is going to be 3 years old next month. The "almost three" has been a bit of a challenge, but he still brings me so much joy.

I know I boast about his vocabulary and brilliance frequently, but this kid is really and truly amazing. No matter where we are, another parent asks how old he is and seems to be amazed when he tells them how old he is. He's very sweet and very polite.

I really only have one other child to compare him to, and that's a little boy at the sitter who turned 3 in February. He talks very little, is very shy, is very short and just overall tiny. Zane and this boy seem miles apart in their development.

I'm so proud and so much in love with this kid.

How do I love thee

2009-03-23T16:28:00.002-04:00

My posting has been a bit lax as of late. I had no way of knowing how much “having a family” would interfere with my procrastinating.

We are settling into a family routine and I must say I LOVE IT!

My husband has been working with his brother every day since losing his job. Which is good and bad. The good…he’s working. YAY! The bad…he’s racking up miles on his truck and we’ve already had a $408 repair bill for a new water pump...which is a whole other story.

Anyway, he is done early enough to pick the boy up on his way home. I’m on morning drop off duty, which I don’t love, but it beats having to do drop off AND pick up.

We all arrive home around the same time each night. I typically cook dinner and leave the 2 of them to eat and play while I scurry off to the gym. I love having the opportunity to go to the gym every day. When I return, I scarf down dinner and have nearly an hour of play time with the boy before bedtime. I love this new schedule.

On the weekends we have been doing things as a family, as well as giving each other a break to do whatever we want. Last Saturday we went to the Ann Arbor Hands on Museum. The boy and I have been several times, but this was the first time Daddy was able to join us. Daddy loved it! I purchased a membership since we still have money flowing in. We had a great time and also hooked up with an old friend (thanks FB) for lunch. The boy really took to her. Sunday, I took the boy to the zoo and to lunch so Daddy could have some time to do things around the house...our electrical was jacked up, our back door was falling off the frame, etc.

This past Saturday we met friends at a park and caught up while the boys played (their boy is 5 1/2 years o ld and only about an inch taller than our boy...ut oh), then we all went to dinner. We tried a new Mexican restaurant called El Nuevo Vallarta . You know how snobbish I am about Mexican restaurants…I admit that this place was pretty good. I’m convinced, however, that it’s somehow related to El Camino .

Sunday morning the boy and I headed to the grocery store – one of his favorite places, my least favorite. We did see 4 Toledo Firemen shopping and stopped to talk to them. They liked the boys frog boots. One of the firemen asked if he was going to turn into a frog, to which my son replied "no, a tadpole first". That's my boy. Thanks Curious George.

Later in the day Sunday, daddy and the boy played outside and gave me some time. I have been dying for new living room furniture, and did manage to get a new tv stand, but since we can’t afford a whole room of new stuff right now, I settled for re-arranging and cleaning everything. This sure helped! I have felt lately like clutter is taking over my house and I'm determined to beat it.

My back hurts a bit from rearranging furniture, but I’m confident that it’s only temporary and my injections are still working.

I'm thrilled by how much happier I feel. I have a family, I have a bit of freedom, I’m getting exercise, I see my husband more...there's so much RIGHT right now. It seems almost surreal that I would be so happy given our situation.

We’re still living off severance, so we haven’t felt the true effect of living on one income plus unemployment yet, but I feel confident that we will be ok. Especially if his brother's company remains busy. We do have a bit of a nest egg built up, and we can manage on one income plus unemployment wages, we just have to be frugal (WTF is that?) and live on a budget. It can and will be done.

I actually feel sort of like a new person. I am really really loving life right now.

Linkback Contest

2009-03-12T10:15:00.003-04:00

I'm absolutely dying for new livingroom furniture and really want/need 2 mission style end tables, a coffee table and a tv stand. I found this awesome online store...and love love love this! Now if I can only afford it!

Good news is, they're having a linkback contest. I could win a Mission Tiffany style lamp or a Mission bookcase. What fun!

Clutter

2009-03-12T08:40:00.002-04:00

I'm not a fan of it. But it seems to haunt me.

A friend of mine will be welcoming a grandson in May. Her son and daugher-in-law are in a financial pickle (who isn't?) and so she asked if we had any boy items we would like to sell or give to them.

I had already donated most of his clothes from the past 2 years and kept a bag full of sentimental-ish clothing that some day I will have made into a quilt, so I really have no clothes for them. I recently sold all of his baby Robeez on eBay. And even most of his toddler/walker shoes, too.

So, I took inventory of the things we still have that would be useful for a newborn: we have 2 Diaper Champs and 2 changing table pads and 4 changing table covers. Yet, our son has been out of diapers for 3 months. We have a pack-n-play and a pack-n-play sport (for outdoor use) - we have never used the Sport, and haven't used the other since October of last year and even then it was not a success. We have a booster chair that hasn't been used since before he turned 2. We have a floor activity gym (the panda) that was given to us by a friend - probably my sons favorite thing when he was an itty-bitty - but hasn't been used in more than 2 years. We have a snap-n-go stroller frame (that you snap the carseat into and it becomes a stroller), that was probably used 10 times - and certainly not since he was about 3 months old!

All of these things are NO LONGER IN MY HOUSE! It's an incredible feeling.

I was up at 4:15am this morning (due to going to sleep at 7pm last night, thanks to 2 valium and another shot in the spine) and was very excited to have my half bath back. No changing table pad on the counter, and no diaper champ on the floor. I promptly put all the other stuff that was in a basket on the counter, in a drawer (creams, lotions, bandaids, hand sanitizer, thermometer, etc). I put the basket on the back of the toilet and put bath spray, and the books my son likes to read while he poops in it. WOW. What a difference. No more chaos in the half bath.

I wasn't able to do anything with the changing table in his room this morning. My husband built a shelf in the closet and that's what was used as the changing table in his room. It was very handy and very inconspicious. Until I can get that shelf taken out, it will probably just sit there with nothing on it and that's fine by me.

I'm going to try to tackle some other clutter areas of the house. Next stop: the Living Room.

Pig pen

2009-03-08T21:29:00.003-04:00

He picks up toys at the sitter. He's a sweet boy when we have play dates and is always very helpful and eager to please when others are around.

This is a photo of his playroom after the weekend. He refuses to pick up any of it. He dumped every single toy from every bin.

I am not cleaning this room. Forget it.

Hey, whassup?

2009-03-02T21:26:00.009-05:00

Wow. It's March already. I posted two whole times in February. Clearly, I am an overachiever.

So, a lot has happened...I bought a car. A '09 Scion xB. I absolutely love it. I do think this car would still have been in my top 4 if we weren't working on a tight (unemployment) budget...I probably would have added a few extras though. But, it's super de duper fun to drive. I love the way it looks. The boy loves it and tells me so everytime he rides in it. It's just plain fun. And I needed a little fun. Photo of the boy in the car, saying cheese and chewing on his coat. He started chewing on his coat when we "lost" the ninny's.

My husband's last day was the 26th of February. I am afraid and anxious about what our future holds. My husband isn't the type to just sit around and collect unemployment. He is meeting with an advisor next week to talk about furthering his education. His brother has told him to plan on working with him every day until he says otherwise. So, that's awesome. As long as he is working steady with his brother, the financial shock of $452 minus taxes per week won't hurt so bad. Plus, he's getting severance pay for the next 8 weeks, so we'll bank the money he earns with his brother. Thank goodness.

I had a Lumbar Epidural Steroid Injection in my lower back. The procedure was completely painless and I have been pain free for 2 weeks. It's amazing. I am so used to living with this pain that I often find myself doing simple tasks, that used to cause pain, with the same delicate manuvering I was so used to. I catch myself and then realize...Hey, this doesn't hurt! I still have neck/shoulder pain, but it's manageable, and my visits with my massage therapist are helping! It's stress...I carry stress in my shoulders and neck. Always have.

The boy had the first ear infection of his life. He was up nearly the entire night - the night of my back injection. Thankfully my husband was "off", so he was able to stay up/comfort him since I was not supposed to lift more than 5 lbs for 12 hours. I stayed home from work the next day and snuggled him back to health.

About 2 days later, I ended up with the crud. And then a couple days after that my husband got it. We have been a sick germy household for 2 weeks.

This is the first time any of us have been sick all season. It was a real bummer.

We're as busy as can be at work. I'm putting in some OT, and I sorta dig it. It's job security. And now that my husband isn't working that stupid schedule, I can actually put in extra hours if need be. I always felt guilty for not being able to stay late on any given day. Plus, the OT $ will come in handy.

The boy is potty trained. We put sleep underpants (a pull-up) on at nap time and night time. He is often dry after his nap, but still wets quite a bit at night. I presume the nighttime thing will just work itself out. During the day he is in underpants and always tells us (or whoever is "watching" him) that he has to go potty. He likes to stand up and pee and often steps up on his stool and pee's without any supervision. We haven't had any pee accidents since about the first 3 or 4 days and haven't had a poop accident in at least a month.

I started back to the gym again after 2 weeks of the crud. And now that I don't have to deal with my husbands stupid schedule, I can go every night if I want. And...I think I want to, which is very exciting. I still dream of running, and now that my back doesn't hurt, the only hurdle left is the fear of image. I will get over it. I so want to lose this weight. I don't know this fat chic.

We're settling into a family routine which is really nice. I quite like this new gig. Being a family.

My Johnny!

2009-02-09T20:46:00.011-05:00

So, as you are aware...my lease is up, and I am in search of a new car. This search comes at an absolutely terrible time for us. But, I suppose it's better that it happens now rather than in 2 months! Let me tell you. It ain't easy trying to find a car you like, that is big enough for your family, on a limited budget.

Here is a summary of my test-drives:

Volkswagon CC = pure, unadulterated lust = too expensive. Finally a VW car that doesn't make me feel like the jolly green giant. In a different situation...this car would be mine! In three years...maybe it will be.

Nissan Altima = still really like inside and out. Insurance has drastically increased for some reason which makes it too expensive. Returning Nissan lessee advantages.

Nissan Rogue = super-de-duper cute and fun. Rear visibility issues. Price is right. Returning Nissan lessee advantages.

Hyundai Sonata = very nice interior, super smooth ride, good meaty car. Very impressed. Hyundai has changed a lot over the years. Love the Assurance program...especially now. Price could be right if the salesperson wasn't a cross between Peter Griffin and Homer Simpson. He doesn't want to work with me, so I am walking away.

Toyota Corolla = "Sport" package. Super cute. Fun to drive. Nice interior, fun sporty exterior, nice handling. Teeny back seat. Price is right.

Toyota Camry = Nice smooth ride, asthetically pleasing interior. Bored to tears. Nothing, absolutely nothing, about this car makes me want to buy it. Couldn't wait to get out of it for fear of falling asleep at the wheel or my hair turning blue.

Mazda 6 = slick, super slick, exterior. Big bold front end. Nice interior. Terrible ride. Sluggish. Bumpy. Ick. Don't even care how much it costs. Not interested.

And now the top 2:

Scion xB = decided to drive on a whim. Have always thought they were fun and funky. Enter vehicle=LOVE. Drive vehicle=LOVE. Price vehicle=love. No haggle price...don't love. Aside from the funk-factor of this vehicle, I love the cavernous interior, the layout of everything on the inside - the use of space is fantastic, the ride is nice and smooth, firm handling, meaty feeling. The price is right...the gas mileage - eh, not so much.

Prius = Love. Love the roomy interior, love the handling, the smooth shift from battery to gas, super quiet cabin. I'm a city driver...this is the perfect option for me. 48 mpg average. Price = HIGH.

Now the fun stuff:

The Prius dealership brought the vehicle to me for a test drive. Quality customer service. The price was high. I started negotiating pretty agressively by asking for $4000 off the MSRP, there is a $1000 cash back bonus, so I was really asking for 5k off. They couldn't do it, but claimed they had shaved all they could off the price. It was too much for our limited budget, so I thanked them and walked away.

I fell in love with the xB and had convinced myself that I was going to get it, the only thing holding me back was the terrible gas mileage (22/28, really?). The Prius sales manager would occassionally send me emails and I would reply with "still looking", "the Prius is too expensive", etc. They also sell the Corolla, which, other than the small back seat, it was still in my top 4.

Then all the sudden, the Prius guy sends me another offer, which happens to be nearly $40 less per month. Hmmm. The only catch - he can no longer do a dealer trade at this price, so I am stuck with one of the three he has on his lot. Red, light blue or white. Well...white is the only one I would even consider. I've had white vehicles in the past...do I care? I'm not sure. I really wanted black. The xB is black!

Insurance on the xB vs the Prius is within a few dollars. And now the payment is within a few dollars. They are lined up side by side...I love them both, they are the same cost monthly...except for one nagging factor. The gas mileage. 22 mpg vs 48 mpg. There really is no comparison.

I really think I HAVE TO be practical, for once. It would really be stupid of me to get the xB simply because I love the funky factor and blackness.

I do love the Prius. I think I have to get it. When gas prices top $4/gallon again (and you're kidding yourself if you think they won't) I will be smiling! *cheesy white car smile*

****

I wrote the above blog entry Sunday night. I was 90% sure I was going to get the Prius. I woke up Monday morning, cancelled the appointment for my husband to drive the xB and went to work. I, once again, weighed pros and cons. You may think I'm obsessing, but given our situation, there really isn't much wiggle room where I need to be with the overall monthly cost of the vehicle. I started drafting an email to the Prius dealer, telling them I liked their offer and would like to buy it from them.

Then my blackberry buzzes. The xB guy. He's sorry I cancelled & *needs* to talk to me. May be able to work out a deal. Basically, I tell him if he can meet or beat the Prius offer and get me one in black - he would win the Prius purchase. If he could make the xB more attractive, to make up for the gas mileage issue, I would re-consider the xB.

He can't even come close to the Prius deal. But, be comes back with a payment of $40 less per month than the original **NO HAGGLE** pricing on the xB, same terms. Huh? I ask for details. I get them. I told him I thought the xB pricing was "Pure Pricing" and there was no negotiating. He said he wasn't negotiating. He was breaking the rules. Hmmm. Well, rules ARE meant to be broken.

So, now, I'm back on the xB bandwagon. I mean, seriously, the $40 payment difference makes up for the gas mileage, it's black, and it's what I wanted to begin with. Done. We get it Saturday.

The pursuit of happyness....Johnny Cab style.

*cheesy black car with terrible gas mileage grin*

Ramblings

2009-02-02T10:53:00.005-05:00

I rounded the corner after making lunch for the Boy to see his latest project. Ugly Dolls napping on the steps!
*****
LaRiche Toyota, of Findlay OH, delivered a car to my office on Friday for a TEST DRIVE. Yes, a test drive. It was a Black Prius. I love it. Much roomier than I anticipated, and fun to drive. A little out of my price range, but if they are willing to drive 45 minutes for a test drive, I'll bet they are willing to work for my business. Customer service wise - they WIN. Still have a few others to drive. Waiting for February lease offers to come out too...today or tomorrow.
*****
Got our January Gas bill...only $479.82.
*****
Another weekend alone with the boy. I love this boy more than I can put into words, but it is exhausting and I tend to holler at him a lot. I don't want to, and I don't mean to, but he gets so whiney and needy and it just drives me nuts. I need medication. Thankfully, my husband's nightmare schedule will be over in a month! Anyway, Saturday morning we went to Target, which was fun. He picked out a new truck (surprise, surprise). He wanted one of the big, noisy, $20 trucks, but I told him no. He had to pick a smaller truck and $6 was the limit. He already has about 2,000 trucks, and we need to cut back. After arguing and crying and threatening to leave, he choose a fire truck for $5.99. We headed to Michaels for some new Dot painting books and Scooby Doo cupcake cups/papers. On our way home...he spotted Rudy's Hot Dogs. "I need Rudy's Hot Dogs for lunch mommy!" So, I figured why not. Sunday morning we headed to Adrian to see Grandma and Grandpa. Fun times people, fun times.
*****
In addition to Rudy's for lunch on Saturday, I didn't pay one darn bit of attention to what I was putting in my mouth. I ate and ate and ate. And I ate junk. Not only did I bake cupcakes, I ate 3 of them. It was out of control. I am out of control. I am never going to get this weight off if I can't control myself. Thankfully I'm back to the gym tonight. I saw a "bigger" girl jogging on the treadmill last week, and you know what, she didn't look bad. So, I may try it. I shouldn't care about what I look like at the gym, but that's not me. This fat ass isn't me either. I'm not even comfortable in my skin right now.
*****
Found out on Friday that we will be getting year-end bonuses at work (we got a $1k Holiday bonus already). 2008 was the most profitable year in our history. It's awesome to work for a necessary evil and I'm very very thankful for this job.
*****
I think I'm getting a sinus infection. My head feels like it's going to explode and I have snot draining down the back of my throat which is making my throat itchy and I feel like I need to clear it 400 times a day. Mmm. Oh, and sinus infections and nose rings...not such a good combination.
*****
Got the results of my MRI. I have a bulging disk on the last vertibre on my spine. It's not herniated...yet. I see a Pain Specialist on the 10th. I told my Chiropractor about my husband's job and asked that we try and do everything we can to get me on the road to recovery in the month of February, since I will not likely be able to afford to visit 2-3 times a week any longer.
*****
I absolutely cannot stop looking at the wonderful handmade jewelry on etsy. Jewelry By Natsuko is my current obsession.
*****
Didn't eat any junk last night. Amazing how much better I feel.

My boy!

2009-01-27T12:39:00.003-05:00

Daddy worked all weekend (gawd, I can't wait until he is done working at that awful place!) so it was jut me and the boy. Saturday morning we had a play date. A friend of Mommy's and her 2 boys came over for a few hours. The boys had a BLAST and it was super fun for me to A) not have to be the one playing with him all day long and B) see him have so much fun with his friends and C) visit with my friend.

They left shortly after lunch (for naptime, natch) and my son cried for 20 minutes.

"I need my friends!"
"Mommy, I want my friends to come back!"
"Ma-a-a-me-e-e-ee! I neeeeed them!"

It was sad. It was pitiful. I felt terrible, actually. I realized how much this boy NEEDS to play with other kids. Sure, he plays with other children at the sitter. But, we're down to only 3 days there per week now, which means 4 days are spent with adults only. As much as I LOVE winter, and I do love love love it, it seems that we spend all of our time holed up (and alone) in the house. It's been really cold too, too cold to play outside on most days. And that's sad too because we all really dig playing in the snow. Plus...going places for me typically means buying stuff and I've really been trying to adjust to living on a budget. It's really really hard, so I would rather just not go anywhere. Not be tempted, which turns out to actually mean...I'm punishing my child for my own lack of control. Urgh.

So, Sunday morning I decided we needed to get out. We headed to the mall. I do think the play area at the mall is disgusting. A breeding ground for germs and gross kids I wouldn't really choose for him to play with while their parents yap-yap-yap on their cell phones. While their 10+ year old children run rampant in a baby/toddler/preschool play area. The type of parents who consider this area their "free babysitter". I hate it.

Anyway, so we headed into the mall. He spotted the "Build A Bear" store immediately. He wanted to go in and see if they had any "Dinosaur Bones" (not sure why, but he was convinced he would find dinosaur bones at the mall). He spotted a Panda Bear who he thought looked like "Little Pim", from his Mandarin Chinese DVDs. I asked if he wanted to watch them put stuffing in his belly and pick out an outfit for him. He sure did. So, that was fun. 20 minutes and $26 later, we had a bear named "Pim" and a whacky shirt and hat for him.

After adopting Pim, he told me he was hungry for lunch. We headed to the food court where he decided he wanted noodles. I spotted Nori Japanese. I ordered noodles and breaded chicken (like sweet n sour chicken), we split it. It was decent, and he loved it. The people sitting next to us couldn't get over his vocabulary and his noodle slurping abilities. We had one noodle that was, no joke, at least 18 inches long. I held it out while he slurped it up. The people just giggled.

We headed over to the ride on's after lunch. The ones that are NOT near the germy play area. The ride on's are germy, but they just don't seem as disgusting. He rode the dump truck 7 times. Finally, I told him I didn't have any more money and asked if he wanted to see if we could find some dinosaur bones.

We looked for dinosaur bones but didn't find any and headed out the door.

He was getting snoozy on the car ride home, so I told him he could watch 10 minutes of Scooby and then it was nap time. I got the typical throw yourself on the floor, hide your face and whimper and say "I don't want to take a nap. It's not nap time". Sorry, little man, it IS nap time. So, we headed up read a couple books, I hugged & kissed him, plopped him in his crib, covered him up, closed the door and left.

I started my typical naptime ritual of sitting on the couch with my laptop, catching up on all the Facebook happenings. I hear him CRYING! SOBBING!

I rarely go back in his room after I close the door for naps or night time, but this time it sounded different. I opened the door to find him sitting in bed, tears streaming down his face, holding Pim. Pim's hat had fallen off. He was devistated. He couldn't put it back on.

It's one of those hats that just has little elastic loops that fit around the stuffed animals ears. I put Pim's hat back on, layed his head on the boy's pillow, covered them both up, patted the boys head only to see that he was already sound asleep. Ahhh.

After his nap, we headed to the grocery store. I never, ever, ever, take him to the grocery store with me. But, I thought I would rather go when it was light out than deal with going after daddy gets home from work. So, he refused to sit in the cart, which I figured would happen sooner or later. He wanted to push. He loves to "help", so I put him to work. I told him which things to get and how many, and he got them and put them in the cart. More like threw them into the cart, but it's hard when you're only 37 1/2 inches tall. He was a great helper...and it wasn't as miserable of a experience as I anticipated.

Fun times, people, fun times.

Pride & Eloquence

2009-01-21T11:57:00.005-05:00

WOW! What a day!

Yesterday was really something special, and something I will remember for the rest of my life.

Barack Obama, the first black President.

Do I really care so much that he is the first black President? Well, sorta. Do I care that he is a Democrat and that we finally have control back? YES! Do I believe he, and his staff, will do everything they can to fix America and that he is the right man for the job? YES! YES! YES!

I feel a new sense of hope. A new sense of pride. A new sense of accomplishment. A new sense of desire. Desire to be better. Desire to be a better person / wife / mother / daughter / friend / employee / neighbor.

It's refreshing to have an eloquent President. To be able to comprehend his words. To be INTERESTED in his words. To smile when he speaks. To cry when he speaks. To feel proud when he speaks. To feel compassion in his words. To feel urgency in his words. To feel desire in his words.

I hope this man inspires others (and you know who you are) to be better. To do better. To have pride. To have hope. To have desire. To strive to accomplish.

I'm excited to see what each new day / month / year brings.

And, his smile. It's infectious.

snippet

2009-01-19T14:43:00.004-05:00

Daddy worked yesterday, so it was just me and the boy. The hilarious little guy that he is...

*****

Boy: "Mommy, do you have feet?"

Mommy: "Yes, of course I have feet. Don't you?"

Boy: "Nope, I don't not got feet anymore"

Mommy: "You don't? Where did they go?"

Boy: "They got smashed by a MONSTER truck!"

*****

(mommy peeing)

Boy: "You pee'd mommy?"

Mommy: "Yep, I sure did!"

Boy: [hug] "I'm so proud of you! You are such a big girl!"

*****

(boy ON dining room table, eating lunch)

Mommy: "Please get off the table and eat your lunch sitting in your chair!"

Boy: "I can't! My back hurts!"

(think he's heard that a few times?)

*****

New words (pronounced perfectly, I might add): Constantinople and Timbuktu, thanks to Dr. Seuss' "Hop on Pop"

*****

Boy: [lick] "Hi Mommy, I'm your new doggy!"

Mommy: "Yuck! I thought you were my big boy, not my doggy"

Boy: [twirling around] "I'm a cook-a-roo!"

*****

(on potty)

Boy: "I pooped! I did a super great job!"

Mommy: "Yep! You sure did!"

Boy: "Wanna look at it mommy?"

Mommy: "No thanks sweetie, I heard it plop"

Boy: "Me too! It PLOPPED loud!"

*****

He never ceases to amaze me, and can always make me crack up. As exhausting as it is to solo parent, and doubly exhausting with a bad back, he still brightens my every day.

Jammin'

2009-01-14T10:00:00.003-05:00

I just love the way he is holding his guitar now.

It's almost like he knows what he is doing.

My little rock star! Rock on, big boy!

(Yes, his father is building with foam blocks behind him...what of it?)

I was dreaming when I wrote this...

2009-01-12T16:08:00.004-05:00

2009. The year of ME. Right?

Well, I got my hair chopped off. Needed to do something with it. It was too long and stringy. And too MOM.

Got my nose pierced. I've wanted to get my nose pierced for like...forever. What better time than when you're weeks away from your last birthday. Not my last birthday because I'm dying. My last birthday because I turn 39 & there will be no more.

I'm going to a chiropractor to fix up my back and neck. X-rays reveal that my neck curves almost the exact opposite way it is supposed to, my mid back curves to the left, my hips are crooked, and the very last disk (low back) on my spine has worn down over time and is well...almost gone. So, it's practically bone on bone down there. Mmmm.

I knew about the low back last disk problem...it stems from playing "catcher" during my 4-5 years of playing softball in the 90s. I've been dealing with the pain for many years. It is, however, the worst it has ever been. Some days, I can barely move.

Visits to the chiropractor seem to be helping my neck pain considerably, but I'm afraid the low back stuff just isn't going to be fixed by adjustments/alignments. The chiopractor wants me to have an MRI and will likely refer me to a pain specialist. Mmmm. I guess that either means...drugs or injections. Well...whichever. If it makes me whole again. I'll do whatever it takes...and whatever my insurance covers.

On to the eating healthy, exercise, weight loss part of the "year of ME". Well, I'm a major f*ck up. I can't seem to stop eating crap. I go to the gym a couple days a week, but miss a day and then fall off for several more days. It's a terrible cycle.

I have MANY dreams of running on the treadmill at the gym. I see a lot of other women doing it. Thin women. Were they thin when they started running? Did running make them thin? Will running make me thin? I suspect it can't hurt...if I can make myself eat healthy. I have reconnected with a lot of friends via Facebook, and many of them run. I want to be like them. I have one friend who lost 25 lbs in 4 months by only adding running to her day. No diet changes.

I'm going to try. I'm going to try tonight. I worry what I will look like trying to run on a treadmill. I need to get over that. We are all at the gym for the same reason, right?

Must.Get.Over.Fear.Of.Image.

I have fear that it will hurt my back too, but I must try. Must.Try.

I decided to quit WW since I am throwing money down the drain by not following the program. Plus, well, my husband is losing his job and it's a cost that can be cut. I'm going to continue to try to do it on my own though, which shouldn't be hard since I know the program inside and out.

We're potty training the boy. He's doing a great job. Pooping is taking some coaxing, and getting him to actually slow down to pee is a bit of a challenge, but he is getting there. Still wearing underpants all day, and pull ups ("sleep underpants" for naps and nighttime). He had 1 accident all weekend. Doritos for pee, kitkats for poop. Mommy has eaten as much of these treats as he has. Bad mommy.

He's the funniest kid ever. We played in the snow a lot this weekend. He plopped his butt in the snow, cracked up and said "look mommy, I made snow butts". He also enjoyed sledding, helping to shovel, pushing (or trying to push) trucks in the snow, throwing snowballs at mommy, taking snowballs for sled rides, and just plain being outside. We got several inches of snow, but it wasn't as bone chilling cold as it has been, so we spent a lot of time outside. It was fun.

While reading a book this weekend, I asked what letters he saw on the page. I don't know why I do this...he knows the alphabet. I guess it's habit. He replied "no mommy, I don't need to talk with those letters right now". I guess he told me.

Now if he would just tell me to stop eating his snacks we'd be all set.

Too funny not to post

2009-01-08T15:15:00.001-05:00

Thanks ladies at "Go Fug Yourself" for this one...

I am still laughing. The trash shoes crack me up.

I needed this today. Thanks. XOXO

Oh crap!

2009-01-05T11:48:00.011-05:00

It's official. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.

2 weeks ago, I got a new tattoo. I've been wanting another one for a long time and finally got around to doing it.

Last Wednesday, I went to see a Chiropractor. I have been needing to see one for many years - I think the last time I saw one was 2001. My back has progressively gotten worse since having a child, but I rarely take time to take care of myself so I have been letting is slide. This isn't really a "mid-life crisis" thing...but it is something unusual.

Last Friday, I got about 8 inches of hair cut off & my nose pierced.

I've done absolutely nothing to try to lose weight recently. But that is going to change too. This fat person isn't me. I'm over it. It's time for a new me.

I'm not really sure if this is a mid-life crisis as I'm only 38 (gonna be 39 in a few weeks - ick), I think it's more of a "boring mom crisis". Boring ME crisis. What happened to ME crisis. I think a lot of women go thru that phase...after having a child...where you put everyone and everything else before you. True, true, my son is nearly 3 years old...and I do buy a lot of things and that is self indulgent, but I rarely do anything to "take care" of myself. Well, I'm over it. It's time for a new me.

*****
We got a letter - or, rather, a MEMO - from my husband's employer. They are closing the location where he works. There were rumblings that this was going to happen, so we knew, but it didn't become official until we received the MEMO, on plain white paper, on December 31st. Happy Friggin New Year. The "permanent layoff" is effective March 1, or within 2 weeks after. So, he'll be unemployed. Unless he finds another job, that is. Which is a great possibility since there are so many darn good opportunities out there (insert sarcasm here).

A national statistic. Yippee.

A few weeks ago his employer announced a 10% paycut, across the board, in an effort to keep people employed. The pay cut became effective on January 1st. So, we're coping with 10% less money until March 1st, and then 50% less (unemployment), which will actually equal 60% less than he was making on December 31st, thanks to the 10% pay cut. So, yippee. We're going to try to live on my income plus 40% of my husbands previous income. This should be, um, interesting, to say the least.

Of course, we have completely mixed feelings about this. On the one hand...he's been wanting to get out of there FOREVER, and has been looking for a new job for some time. The need to leave was exacerbated by recent events involving physical harm to my husband by a subordinate, which resulted in some unpaid time off and a slap on the hand for the assailant and basically no support or protection for my husband from the company. And on the other hand...well, you can guess. Unemployed = less $. There are opportunities within the company, if we want to relocate. I really don't have a problem relocating...but not for this employer. Forfuckingetit.

It is interesting to see the change in my husband though. Knowing his time there is coming to an end. He's happier. He's sleeping better. He's more agreeable and less arguementative. So, I am going to think positive - and call this a good thing.

Of course, if he doesn't find a job right away we will save on childcare as the boy will be home with Daddy a minimum of 2 days per week. And we're confident that the home improvement business will pick up once the weather breaks and once people start receiving tax refunds, so he will be able to supplement by working with his brother. It will be ok. Really, it will. I do, sortof, feel like I have to keep saying that though. It.Will.Be.OK.

We're not broke. We do have a nest egg. He will likely get a severance. We aren't in debt up to our eyeballs. BUT.STILL. Who wants to go through this?

So, all of my talk about being on a budget and learning how to curb my spending...well, now it's a reality. And that's ok. And my vehicle lease is up on March 1st. What timing. My plan is to get something before March 1st, that way they won't know we are in the poor house. Without 2 incomes, I can't get what I want, but I can get another Altima. And I do like my Altima. So, there, it's settled. Unless of course, he finds a new job making lots n lots of fat cash, then I will get the car I want.

Surprisingly, there have been quite a few nearby positions that my husband seems suited for - but we have to remember that there are, oh, about 500 thousand other people applying for those same jobs. Humf.

*****

This past weekend, we tackled Potty Training. We talked about it with the boy on Friday night. He seemed hip to trying to use the potty the next day. We've talked about it for several months, and every once in a while he has wanted to sit on the potty, but we never encouraged it. I really don't want this to take forever. I have friends who say their child(ren) took a year to potty train! No thanks!!! I want it to be done in a weekend and move on.

Anyway, Saturday morning rolled around and after he ate breakfast and drank some milk, we took off and said good bye to his diaper, sat on the potty, and then put on big boy underwear. About every 15-20 min, we asked if he had to go potty. And about every half hour or so we went into the bathroom and sat on the potty, just to see if there was anything in there ("my penis is empty, mommy"). He successfully peed on the potty after about the third time sitting on it, he was very excited! He did have 2 accidents in his underwear. But, as soon as he started going, he told me he was going, and we ran to the bathroom. He peed in the potty again before his nap. For his nap, he wore a pull-up, which he hates. Since I already knew he hated them, I called them "sleep underwear". He thought that was ok, and agreed to put them on.

After his nap (he woke up dry!!) we changed into big boy underpants and spent the rest of the day asking, trying, and going. His typical poop timeframe rolled around (right after dinner, go figure) and when I heard a "toot" we headed to the bathroom. We read books and held our hand up to our ears to "hear the toots in the toilet" and low and behold...PLOP PLOP. The look on his face was awesome. He told me that he pooped. And sure as shit (pun intended) we looked in the toilet, and there was his poop. He thought that was cool. I was very impressed as I have heard that pooping in the toilet is the hardest part. He's advanced, I can't help it.

Day number 2 went just about the same as day number 1. A couple accidents in the underwear, but a pretty successful day with several pees on the potty and a poop too. And day 3 was spent at the sitter. She said he had 1 accident.

Since this kid is motivated by food, his rewards for peeing = doritos, and reward for pooping = kitkats.

He is doing such a great job and I am so very impressed and proud of my big boy. I realize that, going forward, my days with him are going to be spent asking if he has to go to the bathroom, but I'm so sick and tired of changing diapers and having all that crap (pun, again intended) in my house. I can't wait to throw away the changing pads and diaper champs. Can't.Wait.

Plus, hello, cost savings! No more diapers! Hopefully the 20 pair of underwear I bought him last until Daddy gets a job. Ha ha.

auf wiedersehen, 2008

2009-01-01T14:10:00.001-05:00

The author of one of the awesome blogs I read posted a list of things that happened in the year since her last birthday (she turned 35, damn it), and I thought it was an awesome post. I am posting something similar, only, this post covers the year 2008, instead of the year between birthdays. I am sure I cannot compare to her awesomeness, and I am sure I will miss some things, but here's my futile attempt.

2008: A Year In Review
ο I had an evil monster (Mirena) expelled from my uterus
ο I cried & celebrated when my son turned 2
ο I spent some time in a job trailer
ο I got a 12% raise at work - because I asked for it (and deserve it)
ο I celebrated 9 years of wedded bliss
ο I thought I was losing my mind, and was relieved to learn it was just the IUD making me crazy
ο I celebrated my husband's vasectomy
ο I traveled to NY 2 times - NYC and Niagara Falls
ο I got locked out of my house, and out of my running car and spent 2 hours outside in 25 degree weather dressed for work, not dressed for "outside". I cried when my husband finally saved me
ο I got a new tattoo
ο I celebrated 9 years of being smoke-free
ο I joined weight watchers (again) and am struggling to lose the "baby" weight
ο I donated clothing to Goodwill and shoes to Soles4Souls
ο I donated more shoes than I purchased this year
ο I sold stuff on eBay
ο I dreamed about cigarettes
ο I reconnected with some long-lost friends
ο I started blogging
ο I joined a gym (and actually go occasionally)
ο I celebrated my son's 3rd Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas...and all the other holidays after May 19th
ο I proudly voted for Barack Obama, and sobbed when he won the election
ο My house has a new driveway and is partially insulated
ο I took my son to the Emergency Room for the 1st time
ο I took my son to the Emergency Room for the 2nd time
ο At 38, I am the oldest person in my office
ο I mourned the loss of a parent of 4 of my friends, and the loss of 1 friends husband
ο I missed my 20 year high school reunion
ο I celebrated my husbands 10% pay cut...it beats losing his job altogether*
ο I attended my first NYC wedding
ο I proudly put a political sign in my yard for the 1st time
ο I supported my husband as he prosecuted one of his employees for assault
ο I celebrated 5 years with my employer
ο I went to my high school homecoming, to catch up with friends I missed at the 20 yr reunion - it was the first football game of any kind I have attended in, oh, 20 years
ο I converted our spare bedroom into a playroom for the boy, and he loves it
ο I re-connected with my long-lost niece, who turned 18 this year
ο I got a Blackberry and now completely understand the moniker
ο I still love the taste of beer, but rarely drink it or any other alcohol
ο I gave support to friends who were diagnosed with Hepatitus C and Stage 2 Breast Cancer
ο I gave Bratwurst a second chance and have decided it's not half bad

*More exciting news on this later…

All in all, it was a good year for us. A few bumps and bruises but I think you can always expect that.

Here's to 2009. The year of ME, where I intend to get the weight off, get my back fixed/aligned, get my acne cleared up, get my hair cut off, get another tattoo or two, and many many other things.

10 days & Holidays

2008-12-29T15:01:00.009-05:00

I'm so proud of my big boy. This is his 10th day ninny-free. He did ask me about it Saturday night. Told me that he "needed" it. I promised him that I would look for it again.

Last night as he was winding down watching a little Curious George before bedtime, he was laying with his head on my lap (gosh, I just love that) and was sucking his fingers. Hmmm. Hopefully this is not his new "ninny". I can't take fingers away. Or lose them. Well, you know what I mean.

Christmas was a huge hit. He tore into the presents! He liked to stop occassionally to play with new toys (after daddy took them out of the box), but would dive right back into tearing. Grandpa had him distribute the gifts, which was really cute - he really is a good helper. With each one that was for him, he said in a surprised tone "this one's for me??" He did get 2 outfits from grandma and grandpa and after he opened the box and saw what it was he handed it to me and said "here mommy, these are for you". Gee thanks.

He got so much stuff from Grandma and Grandpa - I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with all of it. It's just insane. I have been pretty good about sorting thru his toys regularly, but it seems like he plays with most everything that we have now. I just don't know what to do. His playroom is STUFFED and our livingroom and diningroom are still cluttered. He has way to many ride-on toys, but I know they cost a fortune, so I feel terrible donating them. Maybe I will try and sell some of it on eBay or Craigslist?

The biggest hit was the train set! Daddy and I put it together on Christmas Eve Day and kept it from him until after he opened the gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. We asked if he wanted to see his "special surprise" in his playroom. Yes, of course. He was so thrilled when he saw the train set that he ran over to it, and before really playing with it asked (surprised) "this train set is for me?" Yes, of course. (that is what he is saying in the photo)

We spent so much time playing trains over the past few days! I will be glad when the holidays are over and we can have some kids over to play so I can take a break from playing trains for a while.

He does call the train set his "special purprise" - for some reason he can't or won't say surprise and says purprise instead. On the way to the sitter on Friday, he asked "does Pat (his sitter) have a special purprise for me too?"...um, no buddy, the special purprises are over for now.

Daddy got up early Christmas morning and baked homemade sticky buns. This is the first time in our 11 years together that he has baked...food...from scratch. They were absolutely delicious. He told me that this is a new tradition. What fun.

I am so very thankful for my wonderful husband and son and feel so lucky to have them in my life.

**Spacing issues...no idea why**

Ink, Cookies and Pacifier - update

2008-12-23T20:35:00.002-05:00

Healing tattoo's suck. Especially in this location. Gah.

Cookies...4 left.

Pacifier ("ninny")...he's down for his 5th night without it. 4 full days without it. Such a big boy. So very proud. He hasn't mentioned it once today. I guess one was found in a toy box at the sitters, and one of the bigger kids took it and hid it before the boy could see it. Awesome.

I'm off for 5 days. And then next week, I'm off for 5 days too. WOOT WOOT.

Happy Holidays.

Ink and Cookies - update

2008-12-22T08:52:00.002-05:00

Ink - I forgot how annoying a healing tattoo is. GAH!

Cookies - my husband has eaten another dozen. That's 2 dozen large decorated sugar cookies in 2 days. When I told him that they were for Christmas Eve at my parents house, he said "oh, I didn't realize you made them for anything other than eating". Do you honestly think I would go thru that much time and effort to make 3 1/2 dozen cookies just for you to scarf down? NO! Grrr.

Cookies

2008-12-21T14:16:00.004-05:00

So, this weekend - since Daddy worked ALL weekend - the boy and I had a craft extravaganza. We played with play doh, colored, painted, painted mugs for grandma and grandpa for christmas, recorded special messages in those "record-a-message" hallmark cards for daddy and grandma and grandpa, and we baked and decorated cookies.

As you know, he will sit still and color for about 15 minutes (MAX), he will play with play doh a little bit longer than that, and he will paint a little bit longer than that.

Cookies...he decorated about 8 or 9 with me before he was done. He did a super great job and ate a handful of sprinkles for each handful he put on the cookies. I think he really enjoyed it...but the attention span just isn't there. He is so go go go - all the time. It was an exhausting project. In total we (I) baked and decorated about 3 dozen.

I packed up a plate full for an OWE party, and as I was putting the boy down for bed - daddy proceeded to eat a dozen of them. Yes, a dozen. Huge stars and teddy bears. A dozen. And I'm the one with weight issues. Grrr.

Good news though. We are on day number 3 without a pacifier ("ninny"). He lost the last remaining one. We couldn't find it anywhere. I promised him I would look for it Friday night while he was sleeping. He asked about it first thing Saturday. I told him I couldn't find it. He asked again at naptime, same response. Then again at bedtime Saturday night and Sunday morning and Sunday naptime. Same. He's handling this really well. I'm concerned that he will "find" one at the sitters tomorrow and we will have to start over again. But, in the meantime, I'm enjoying that he is such a big boy and seems quite able to sleep and get thru the day without the damn thing.

Play Doh

2008-12-14T21:34:00.005-05:00

I don't know why, but today was the first time the boy and I played with play doh together. I really have no excuse, except maybe I just didn't think he would be interested since he won't sit still and color for very long. I figured I'd get all this stuff out and he would be interested for 2 minutes, and then I'd have to put all this stuff away. It was pure laziness. I should have known...play doh has the potential of being messy. So, he loved it. Of course. And you know what, so did I.

Who says broken cars can only be drawn:

Salad 101

2008-12-07T20:50:00.004-05:00

Dinner tonight: A salad. Mixed greens, tomatoes, carrots, orange peppers, avacado, artichoke hearts, hard boiled eggs, smoked turkey, feta cheese, blue cheese dressing.

He's such a good eater!

Percentages

2008-12-05T11:15:00.004-05:00

So, the jobless rate is at a 35 year high: 6.7%

We've been on pins and needles all week waiting for my husband's employer to announce their new "aggressive actions" for cost savings measures. They have made numerous company wide job cuts, so we feared we were going to be a national statistic.

I created a plan. A survival plan. IF his job was cut, and IF he was able to collect unemployment, we would survive. We would save on childcare as I would expect him to keep the boy home a minimum of 2 days per week, I would cancel our home phone - which we have talked about doing forever since it's a nuisance and we never use it, we would shop around for better auto/home/life insurance rates, we would buy the bulk of our groceries at ALDI, and I would CURB my spending. There is often the opportunity to pick up extra work with his brother, so that would also help fill the gap. It really would be OK. We could do it.

My employer seems to be going strong, as we are sort of a necessary evil. We've had a banner year as far as profits are concerned, and just last week were catapulted into a half a million dollar project. A great way to wrap up the year. Additionally, I asked for and received, a 12% pay increase just a few months ago. We've hired 2 new employees in our Toledo office in the past 3 months. I couldn't be happier with my employer right now.

We've talked about refinancing the house since the rates have dropped to an all time low. I'm concerned about hour home value since there are so many foreclosures and short sales in the area. I think we would be disappointed in our home's current appraised value and can't really deal with that disappointment right now. The cost savings would be nice though.

So, the agressive plans were announced on Friday. They are cutting ALL employee salaries by 10%, effective January 1. Effective July 1, they will give back 5%. Bonuses and merit increases are suspended, as well as 401k matches.

Agressive? Yes. Can we live with it? Yes. Does is royally suck? YES!

The insluating project (that was on hold pending the outcome of this announcement) is back on. And we're going to have a splendid Holiday.

I'm making changes to my spending habits. I purchased a $119.99 pair of Sorel snow boots on endless.com 2 weeks ago. They are a little big, but I thought I would try them on with socks and wear them around a bit before I decide to return them. I really need snow boots as my old pair got trashed last winter and I had to throw them out. I have nothing "snow proof" to wear on my feet. I tried them on again. They really are too big. So, I boxed them up and will ship them back tomorrow. Yesterday at Target, I thought..."what the heck, who says I can't wear snow boots from Target". I found a pair. They are REALLY cute, and I wore them last night to the tree lighting ceremony in my neighborhood - and they are WARM, and COMFORTABLE. And, did I mention...really cute! They were $39.99. See what I did. I just saved $80! I'm on the right track...right?

I just purchased holiday cards online. I have spent over $70 on holiday photo cards the past 2 years. I saw a friends "feed" on facebook about a site called vistaprint. I hopped on, found a layout that I like, uploaded a photo, and ordered them, for $11.99! WOW. That's good, right? I saved a ton of money.

I'm getting the hang of this...this whole living on a budget thing. Or, at least I'm trying. Baby steps. Which reminds me...I need to go thru the boys old shoes and see if I can sell any of them on eBay!

Christmas in November

2008-11-29T22:19:00.005-05:00

So, the in-laws winter in Texas and they like to get out of town as soon after Thanksgiving as possible. They won't return until sometime in April or May. So, we had Christmas with them today. We had a ton of fun. The boy was definitely more into it this year than last year. He loved to open gifts and loved playing with all of his new toys and everyone and gave lots of hugs and kisses and thank you's. He loved everything he got...especially the...front end loader. Battery powered scooping, here we come!!!

He got a ton of stuff (no clothes!!)...the loader, a cascading roadway, melissa and doug puzzles and a puzzle rack/holder (thank you), congo bongo monkey (he's in the foreground of the photo), "career" hats (police man, construction worker, race car driver, and fireman), paints (so he doesn't have to use daddy's acrylics anymore...what a mess that is), a new laptop & some cars and trucks. I'm not sure if that's all...but that's the stuff that is sitting in the middle of my livingroom to deal with tomorrow.

Now mommy needs to find some time to go through old toys and get some stuff out of here. Yippee for me.

Insulation, Organization and Manipulation

2008-11-24T15:31:00.006-05:00

It's the holidays. That is for sure. Saturday morning after hubby got home from work (his last night of night shift for TWO MONTHS - YIPPEE) we headed to Target for family holiday photos. We actually didn't have to wait - as we have the past few times - and our photographer was absolutely wonderful. She got the boy smiling as big as can be and got him to sit when and where she needed him to. He was a great little instruction follower...which is not typical. Our photos turned out great too!

We returned home so hubby could get some sleep as his brother and daughter (our niece) were coming over in the early afternoon. I kept the boy up so he could play with our neice for a while. He went down for a nap at 2:30, without a fight. Since that's about an hour and half after normal naptime, he was exhausted, and didn't fight eventhough his cousin and uncle were still there.

His cousin is 11 and while he was napping, she organized all of his toys on our first floor! Categorized, organized and just plain neat! It was incredible. Of course I told her she did not have to do this, to which she replied "I loooove doing this". I said "You're hired!!" Within minutes after the boy woke up, there was disorganization everywhere, but I was able to enjoy some chaos free time.

While she was organizing, her dad was walking thru the house to give advice on insulating. Hubby started the insulating prep work today. Next up...insulation! WOW! No more $500 monthly heating bills? Are you kidding me?

Saturday night, I was able to get away and enjoy dinner (El Camino, natch) with a friend who I lost contact with 6 years ago, who I have recently reconnected with via Facebook. We had a great time catching up and it was great to get out. I was home by 9:15pm though. Ha ha. She has 2 boys - age 4 and 18 months - so we'll have some upcoming playdates, which is always exciting!

Sunday we headed to Adrian for a family get-together. Relatives from down south were in town so we (about 25 of us) headed to Family Kitchen for a late lunch. We went to great-grandma and grandpa's house before lunch so we could play and visit for a while since lunch was scheduled for 2pm (naptime) and we knew we wouldn't likely be able to stay too late without a nap. The boy was a trooper. Impressed everyone with his vocabulary and eating skills. He insisted upon eating part of my salad, and everyone was astonished that he liked salad. He also ate some fruit and nut mix at great-gma and gpa's house, which seemed to surprise everyone as well. He was pretty wound up toward the end (he had a brownie, which didn't help matters), but he was still a good boy. He fell asleep within the first 5 minutes of the ride home.

Dinner consisted of cheese ravioli's and grapes. Lately, he thinks it is ok to sit on the table. (He only does these things at home, thank goodness). Witness sitting on the table, sans pants, eating cheese raviolis.

The $130 Answer

2008-11-20T14:04:00.008-05:00

I realized yesterday that the reason I can't make WW work for me is because I can't even force myself to journal. As an x-lifetimer, I know - oh so well - what the tools are and how they work. I know what things you HAVE TO do in order to succeed with WW. I weigh in and attend the meetings weekly. That's really the only tool I use. I don't weigh or measure my food. I try to calculate my points in my head. I don't ever journal. I rarely drink all the recommended water. Etc. I do, however, only bring 10-12 points worth of food to work with me every day, so daytime is no problem. Dinnertime is not usually a problem...it's after the boy goes to bed where I get into trouble. Munch, munch, munch.

On the way to my meeting yesterday, I thought "Hey, I wonder if I can use e-tools (which is FREE with my monthly pass membership) on my BlackBerry?" I sat thru the meeting, drove thru McDonald's for my Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad with LF dressing, and headed back to work. I looked online. Sure as shit...mobile e-tools. So, I logged in via my BlackBerry and immediately started journaling. I journaled every bite I took yesterday. Turns out I used 6 of my flex-points without even a second thought. Hmm. This, too, could be why I can't lose any weight.

I joined WW 13 weeks ago. At approximately $10 per meeting, I have spent $130 to come to this conclusion. I have also spent $130 to lose 3.8 lbs. Sometimes, I am just plain dumb.

So, onward and upward. I've journaled everything today, it's easy as pie. That CrackBerry is in my hands or in my pocket during all waking hours, so if I can't make a mobile journal work, I should just throw in the towel. I have a renewed sense of excitement for WW. I'm ready to do this. I have 24 lbs to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. Sad but true. My goal is to have that off by my birthday. Completely doable. I'd like to try to get another 20-ish off by the boy's 3rd birthday. Whew.

I'm going to the gym on hubby's "off" days, and as soon as he goes back on day shift, I will be able to go more frequently. Realistically, I can bring the boy with me since I paid extra for the Kids Klub, but after he had that meltdown (6 months ago?), I just haven't had the heart to bring him back.

I have been searching for a couple long sleeve, feather weight, layering tees with exaggerated long sleeves for months now. You know, the kind that come half way down your hand (or longer)...I love it! I did run into one by Splendid, but opted not to spend $58 on a t-shirt. At least, not until I lose the weight. I popped into H&M (always a fave for disposable clothing) to see if I could find something for family photos on Saturday. Not only did I find something for photos...I found the exact long (exaggerated) sleeve tees that have been consuming my [clothing] thoughts for months. And at $12.50 each, I bought 3. I would have bought more, but they only had 3 larges. I'm wearing the purple one today and l-o-v-e it. Yippee!!!

I have been suffering from back pain for evah. We're getting a new matteress for Christmas, so hopefully that will help. I'm searching for a chiropractor downtown who I can visit during my lunch break. And I just bought some Turmeric (herbal supplement)...the lady at Claudia's assures me it will work. I also bought some detox tea...just for shits and giggles.

I just found out that a friend's husband passed away on Sunday. This is a high school friend who I have recently connected with via Facebook. He battled colon cancer for 2 years. They have 3 little kids. I am so very sad for her. Life is too short and you just never know when someone you love will be taken from you. Cherish those you love.

Two and a Half

2008-11-19T08:38:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness, little man. I cannot believe you are 2 and a half years old today. I can't even begin to explain how much love I have for you and how much you have changed my life.

You are a sweet and strong boy. You have recently become a Mamma's boy, big time. You choose me over Daddy frequently and demand my undivided attention. You frequently tell me you love me & you give me lots of kisses and hugs. Just the other day while I was giving you a piggy back ride, you hugged my neck so tight and without any prompting, said "Mmmm. I love you SOO much mommy". I melted.

Your vocabulary is incredible. You can and will repeat anything I ask you to, and occassionally I can't understand you, but for the most part...you speak as clear as can be. One day I asked if you could say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious". You shook your head and replied with a simple "Nope". So, I guess there are limitations. Otherwise, you understand pronouns, you know all the words to a dozen or more songs - songs that I had no idea you knew, you have known your abc's and the abc song since long before you turned two and you still love to say them and to sing the song, you count to 16, you have memorized several books, you know a lot of colors and many shapes, and you love to tell daddy all about the things you and I see and do when we're out and about. Especially if we see contstruciton equipment or a train.

You are ridiculously outgoing and love to talk to everyone. When kids don't speak back to you, you tell me they are "sad". You have been known to ask them what is the matter, or you ask if they are sad. It's a little embarrassing. You think the lobsters are the grocery store are sad too, and I agree. A parent at a halloween party last month thought you were 3 1/2. He said your vocabulary was amazing and was surprised that you know so many different shapes (really?). He also said that mommy was doing a great job. That made me proud.

Aside from your incredible smarts [beaming with pride], you are incredibly fearless when it comes to playing on jungle gyms and the like, but are terrified of things like the "shower". You love to take a bath, but if I tease that I am going to turn on the shower...you look at me, terrified, and say "No Mommy, No, not the shower". It's really bizarre. You have recently started talking about monsters. The dining room light was off the other night and you told me there was a monster in there. You then tip toed into the bathroom and whispered "come on mommy, let's hide from the monster". So, we hid in the bathroom for a while before sneaking into the dining room to confront the monster. He was a silly monster, not a scary one, so we were ok.

You are incredibly S T U B B O R N, too. Last week after we got home from the sitter, you discovered the remainder of your blueberry muffin from breakfast (yes, it was left out all day - sue me) and ran over to it, grabbed it, and said "yummy". You took a bite and threw the rest of it across the room and said "YUCK!". Your dad and I told you to pick it up. You said "No!". So, we sat you on the floor next to the yucky blueberry muffin and sat on the floor with you instructing you to pick the damn thing up. You refused. We put a bowl on the floor for you to put the muffin in. We instructed you to put the muffin in the bowl. You went thru phases of tears, pouty lip, looking around distracted, flicking the muffin, scooching away, etc. After over 10 minutes of sitting there NOT picking up the muffin, we decided to give you a timeout. After 2 1/2 minutes in timeout, we plopped you back on the floor next to the muffin, where we went thru another round of your phases. After another 10 minutes, your dad took your hand, put it on the muffin and instructed you to pick it up and put it in the bowl. He put your hand on every piece of muffin and you picked it up and put it in the bowl, while sobbing. After all pieces were picked up and in the bowl, you jumped up, grabbed the bowl and exclaimed "I will throw it in the garbage!" Your dad and I looked at each other, puzzled. Wasn't that what we have been trying to do for the past 22 1/2 minutes?

You eat. Boy, do you eat. Everything. There are very few things that you dislike or won't at least try. Although you are starting to pretend that you don't like certain things, but I ignore your protests and you end up eating said things. We don't eat out often, but El Camino is your favorite restaurant! You love healthy stuff like fruits and veggies - you especially love salads, you drink gobs of milk, but you are also a junk food junkie. I think as long as we make sure you are getting more healthy stuff than junk, it's ok. And hopefully you have your dad's metabolism. You can't sit for long, so dinner often consists of you in and out of your chair. You have never had juice or pop and have never asked for either of them, and I'm going to try to keep it that way for as long as possible.

You love cartoons and will sit and watch your favorites, but you are also on the move a lot. If you sit for 10-15 minutes at one time, it's amazing. But you love Scooby, Wubbzy, Thomas, Bob, Mickey & Word World. I refuse to pay big bucks for cable, so we have accumulated a nice stack of dvd's. Sometmes these dvd's are as important to me as they are to you. I'm not ashamed to admit that I encourage you to watch them when I need to get lunches packed in the morning, or get dinner cooked, or do any other sort of chore that's difficult to do with you underfoot. If there is something other than cartoons on the TV, you don't particularly care. You rarely demand to watch anything. You ask, but if I tell you no, you're usually ok with that. You would rather "vroom" your trucks around the house or cook something up in your kitchen.

You're wearing 2Ts, although most of them are too short, and sort of big around. You weigh around 31 lbs and are about 37 1/4 inches tall. You're tall and thin. It's funny, you are so thin in the morning but by the end of the day - after all you eat eat eat - your belly is round and bloated. You wear a size 8 shoe. One of your friends who is 3 months older than you wears a 5, and another friend who is 5 years old...wears a 10! So, uhm, I think you're going to have some mighty big feet! You don't like clothes or shoes, so you spend most of your time running around in a diaper. You love to wear my shoes though...and especially my Harley boots or Ugg boots, because they are big and clompy.

You have 3 "loveys"...a ratty old burp cloth that you call "tag" because you love the tag on it, a blanket that used to be silk on one side and flannel on the other, but the silk is long gone - this is your "blankie", and you have Bubbles the Blabla kitty - called "kitty". You are also still addicted to your pacifier - "ninny" - but we really only let you have it at nap time and night time. And you are usually ok with that. I keep telling you we are going to give all the ninny's to the babies soon, and you tell me "no, we're not giving the ninnys to the babies".

You love trucks! The bigger the better. And if it makes sounds and/or lights up, it's even better. You know that when we go to Target, that I will buy you a new truck. Probably not a great habit that I started, but I enjoy making you happy. You have a little bit of interest in coloring...but you usually can't sit long enough. You do like to paint...probably because it's so messy. You are the king of messy. You like dinosaurs and other animals, and you frequently take them for rides in your big trucks, your shopping cart, your wheel barrow or for piggy back rides. You still won't "pedal" your bike. You prefer to be pushed around in it.

You are extremely exhuberant in all that you do. You love to push mommy's buttons, and trust me, you know every single one of them. You are very sweet and equally sassy. (It's ok for a boy to be sassy, right?) You are quite possibly the cutest child I have ever seen. I'm shocked that you don't have an agent yet.

We bought you a piano for your 2 1/2 birthday. You are drawn to piano's immediately upon entering a house or business that has one. So, mommy found one on ebay. The best $35 I ever spent! You love it! And we love you. Happy Two and a Half, big boy!

Harmless toys?

2008-11-09T21:08:00.003-05:00

This thing. This Polaris Ranger RZR caused us to spend over an hour this morning at Toys R Us. Why did I take him to Toys R Us, you ask? Well, because we were in the mall parking lot at 10:30am...and, damnit, they don't open until 11am! So, I looked around for something to do...and spotted Toys R Us. I thought it might be fun. It was...at first. We did the typical thing...up and down the aisles...the boy tells me he "needs to see [such and such]", so I get it for him, he plays with it for a few minutes and decides he "needs to see" something else.

We turned the aisle and came upon this thing. "Lemme out, mommy, lemme out, I need to drive it" he exclaimed. Harmless I thought. 30 minutes later, he is still "driving" it. I tried everything to get him to move. This thing retails for $599. Needless to say, I don't think he is getting this for Christmas. I finally convinced him to head up front for a ride on the plane.

On our way up front, he spotted a train table/set. We played with that for another 15 minutes or so. We had planned to get him one for Christmas, so I'm glad he liked it as much as he did.

Damn the mall for opening late on Sundays.

Clothes

2008-11-07T08:19:00.003-05:00

The daily battle to get the boy dressed seems to be getting a little better. Why? Because I just let him do it. He picks his pants and shirt, chooses which coat to wear (last year's winter coat which still fits, or a tan jacket), and which shoes (frog boots, brown shoes, dinosaur shoes [which are almost too small] or black shoes).

Today he choose: Camoflage pants, a red & gray long sleeve tshirt with a crane [construction, not the bird] on it, the orange and blue winter coat, green frog boots and at the last minute put on his camoflage Elmo hat.

My child is a fashion plate. We're all about style around here.

Warm?

2008-11-06T20:14:00.003-05:00

Bath time. It's always an adventure. The boy has SO much stuff in the tub with him...it's quite hilarious. There's hardly room for him! There are foam numbers and letters that stick to the sides of the tub, no less than 5 cars/trucks, 2 ducks, 2 measuring cups, a spoon, and 2 squirt toys. And we always use the duck washmit. Among other things, he likes to fill it up in the faucet...well...as much as you can actually fill up a washmit. Tonight, after I turned off the water (we have to let it run the entire time he's in there - of course) he grabbed the washmit and said "Turn it back on mommy, I want hot water". I shook my head no. "cold water?" Again, shook my head no. "Warm?" Again, no. "Please mommy, I want warm water!" I didn't turn it on but thought my son was pretty amazing...asking for Hot, Cold and then Warm water. He's such a smarty pants.

Yes we did

2008-11-04T23:06:00.002-05:00

You did it, my man. You did it. What an incredible day and an incredible journey. You have an incredible task ahead of you. You inspire me. And, it's evident that you inspire our nation too.

Change we can believe in.

Congratulations.

Amazing.

I am crying tears of joy.

GoBama

2008-11-04T08:58:00.001-05:00

I voted this morning. Some of my anxiety is gone. The waiting game begins...

I'm sitting on pins and needles.

Thankfully I'm wearing new underwear.

Halloween

2008-11-01T15:11:00.003-04:00

Well, you all know I'm not a fan...but I suppose it's not about me. So, we went to Adrian to see all the grandparents and thought we'd take the boy to a couple houses (his friends next to my parents house) for trick-or-treating. He loved to say Trick-Or-Treat and Happy Halloween, but he didn't want any candy from anyone. I guess that's good. So, we didn't bring home any candy other than what the grandparents put together in special Halloween gift bags - which also contained books, trucks, play-dough, non-candy snacks, a Handy Manny roller backpack, and other goodies. My thighs thank you!Since he fights all clothing, we decided to just dress him in his Bat Man jammies. I was even able to sneak the cape on him when he was busy playing with his new bulldozer! I'm not sure if he thought he was Superman instead of Batman though...because he tried to move a big truck in my parents driveway. Man of steel. And of course, there's no such thing as a posed picture with this kid - he's got way to much to do and see, so here are some action shots!

Didn't earn it

2008-10-31T14:42:00.003-04:00

Ok, so, I got a new Blackberry Curve today (silver with a metallic pink cover - it's super cool!) I had every intention of making myself earn it...through weight loss. Really. I did.

I didn't wait. And I didn't earn it.

But, in my defense, this is what happened: My husband told me last night that his phone isn't holding a charge. He would charge it until it said the battery was charged, then take it off the carger and within minutes it was almost completely drained of battery power. It's been sort of dying for a while now. And since his cell phone is really the only way that I can "sometimes" get in touch with him - usually via text - I thought I had better do something about it. I was planning to give him my Voyager and get a Blackberry anyway. When I *earned* it.

So, this new situation just sort of accellerated the need for a new phone. See. See how I did that. See how I can justify any sort of shopping/spending. URGH!

I can't leave the damn thing alone. I can see why they are called Crackberrys. It is totally addictive. WOW.

My brother in law and family and us are going in on a iPod Touch for my Father in Law for Christmas. I know absolutely nothing about iPod's...about Apple products...etc. I think I will just buy directly from the Apple store and not even deal with searching for a better price. This way I know what I'm getting, right? Who knows. I have no use for the things. Especially not now. HA HA.

After VZW this morning I stopped in Tea Tree Bistro for some takeout. It was delish as always...but has left me feeling sort of bloated and blah. Blah.

And today is Halloween. We'll see how scared the boy is tonight of everyone's costumes. We'll see.

Ramblings

2008-10-28T11:14:00.002-04:00

Every morning I battle with my son. He hates getting dressed. And he basically refuses to wear a coat.

In the evening, darn near the minute we walk in the door from the sitter, he takes of his shoes, socks...and PANTS. We live in a 98 year old house with no insulation. It's freakin cold in our house unless I have the heat set at 70+ degrees. And with $500 monthly gas bills, I refuse to turn it up that high. Especially in freakin October.

So, he runs around the rest of the evening in only a long sleeve tshirt & diaper. He often takes off the diaper too.

Back to the morning battle. I have to leave the house at 7:25am to get to the sitter and to work by 8am. Sometimes I don't have the patience in the morning to fight with him about changing out of his pj's. So, he gets to wear his pj's or half of his pj's - whichever half I can get off and replace with clothes. It's me. I know it is. He plays me.

He hates coats, sweatshirts, sweaters, etc. This morning I held up 2 coats for him to choose from. A tan jacket, and last year's winter coat (which still sorta fits). He needs a new winter coat - but if he is just going to refuse it, what's the point? Anyway, first he choose the winter coat. So, I started putting it on him. "Nooo! Not that one, mommy, not that one!" as he's squirming all over the place. So, I grab the tan jacket. "How about this one?" I say. "Mmm hmmm". And he thrusts his arms into the arm holes and then hugs me while I zip it up. It was weird. But, it worked.

I think giving him a choice may work.

He also likes to pick out his own shirts. I grabbed his favorite dump truck shirt out of the closet this morning and while I was trying to put it on him...he said "No! Not the dump truck. I wanna pick". So, back to the closet we went. He wanted to wear a (really cute) polka-dot linen button up shirt. I told him that wouldn't be warm enough (although, in hind-sight, if he would have let me put a long sleeve tee under it, it would have been fine). So, we went thru all the long sleeve tees - most of which have trucks on them - and he picked a Polar Bear tshirt from last year. It still fits...so, yay. We have a shirt! I changed his pants while changing his diaper - he was still half asleep so he wasn't paying attention.

Now I have friends telling me that their 10+ year olds give them crap about wearing coats. I really hope I don't have to go thru this for another 7 1/2 years.

Smoking with the boys!

2008-10-26T20:34:00.005-04:00

So, 9 years ago today the husband and I quit smoking. I had smoked since I was about 17 years old. Not at my parents house, but pretty regularly otherwise. And since there was nothing else to do in the small town I grew up in, we drank and partied a lot, so I had plenty of opportunity to smoke it up on the weekends. When I was old enough to go to bars, I smoked near 2 packs per night. It was one after another, along with beer. Hubby smoked as long, and probably much more than I ever did.

Our brand at the time of quitting was Camel Wide Lights. Oh man. Talk about a smooth cigarette. And there was something extra special about the Wides too. I loved them. I still, after 9 years, occassionally dream about them.

Back a few months ago, when I had the Mirena/IUD and had completely lost my mind (seriously), I had REAL LIFE dreams that I was smoking. I drempt that I was hiding cigarettes from my husband, going out in the middle of the night to smoke, etc. Hell, maybe I WAS doing those things - I was THAT crazy when I had that damn thing.

Our reason for quitting was that we wanted to start a family. Or at least, we wanted to buy a family from the local animal shelter. 2 weeks after we quit, we headed down to pick out 2 kittens to take home with us. We adpoted John and Luke - who became Norman and Morpheous. Who are actually known today as Booka and Beady. Don't ask. I picked John, who was a cute fluffy cuddly little guy with a polka dot on his nose. I changed his name to Norman while we were in the waiting room because he was completely Psycho once out of the cage...he is now known as Booka. Dan picked Luke, the sleek skinny guy who was hanging upside down from the top of the cage. The naughty one. His name became Morpheous immediately...but is now Beady.

To this day, Booka remains crazy - totally bonkers, and Beady - naughty. Very naughty. They're good cats though, and we love them.

Now on to my son. Is it just boys, or do all pre-schoolers think bodily functions are hilarious. This kid cracks up histerically when he "toots". And will try to force more toots out. When he toots, he will put his hand over his mouth, eyes real big and say "what was that noise?" and then crack up! Same goes for burps. He is the king of burps and loves to entertain us with his fake burps. In addition, he like to watch himself pee. He's not using the potty yet (training starts in a couple weeks) but in the bathtub when all of the water has drained out, he likes to watch himself pee. He will stand or squat and contract his bladder until he pees. Then he cracks up the entire time he goes. He thinks it's hilarious. Last night after his bath, he was fake burping and it was a real long exaggerated fake burp and in the middle of it, he actually burped for real. I didn't think this kid was ever going to stop laughing. Hysterics.

I need to make an appointment for holiday photos, and think that our gimmic to get him to smile for the camera is going to have to be BURPING. Oh joy. Can't wait. The things we do, as parents, to get a good photo. *burp*

And I almost forgot...I made huge salads for dinner last night. Mixed greens, orange and yellow peppers, mushrooms, bean sprouts, tomatoes, cukes, black olives, feta cheese, grilled shrimp and topped with raisins and pepitas. My son...ate every last bit! Such a good eater! I can't imagine having a picky eater...we really lucked out. Knock on wood.

Buff-A-Yuck-A-Lo

2008-10-20T21:03:00.007-04:00

So, let me just tell you about our trip to Buffalo/Niagara Falls.

Day #1: Friday morning an hour or so after my husband got home from work (he's on night shift) we hit the road. I drove, so he could sleep. I stopped around noon so the boy and I could have lunch and gas up the car. We stopped in Madison Ohio. The boy and I had lunch at McDonalds where he proceeded to dump an entire jug of milk on the floor. Off to a great start. Then he did his typical lick the caramel sauce (from the "healthy" apple dippers) from the container while it drips all down the front of him, trick. Fun fun. Thankfully the table of mullet wearing folks next to us helped with the milk spill and helped dump our wrappers and leftovers since I was trying to wrangle the boy and daddys food out to the car. We drove a little further down the road looking for a gas station - I think we found the only one in Madison and the price was $2.44! Yes! That's right...two dollars forty four cents for a gallon of gas. Jack pot. Madison is actually a very cute town despite the overabundance of mullet sightings.

So, on we go. While my husband and son napped, I enjoyed the easy peaceful drive and the absolutely stunning fall colors. We arrived at the hotel around 3:15pm. Our trip took just less than 5 1/2 hours, which wasn't bad considering we stopped for lunch. Gas prices in Buffalo...$3.67! Yep! The hotel (Comfort Suites) was nice and clean. We relaxed for a few minutes and discussed what we should do. We knew most of the attractions closed around 6pm so it didn't seem worth while to even try. So, we decide the boy might like a dip in the pool. We decided that we would order dinner in and maybe run out to a park or something for a while...to tire the boy out, you know. So, despite how I feel about bathing suits in public, I thought...what the hay. I don't know these people. Who cares. So, I put on my suit and we headed to the pool. It was very nice, and clean, and vacant. Not another soul around. Whew. There was a hot tub as well. We had a great time playing in the pool and hot tub. We headed back to the room and my husband asks where we should go for dinner. "Oh, uhm, I'm not going anywhere...I was just in a POOL. Look at me!" I said. To which he replied "Uh, well, I thought we were going out to dinner. I don't want to order in. We just got here...let's DO something." He completely forgot the conversation about ordering in. Nice. So, I took a few minutes to dry my hair and put on a little makeup. Yippee. Let's go out in public.

We stopped at the front desk for recommendations and for directions to the closest park. She points us to St. Angelo's Italian restaurant. Family friendly, good pizza, nice people. Sounds great. Our waitress seats us and takes our drink order. 5 minutes later she returns with our drinks. Uh oh. A sign of things to come? She takes our orders. At least 15 minutes later, she brings my husbands and my food out. The boys is not done yet. WHAT? This is a family restaurant? Don't they know that you NEVER bring out food until the child's food is ready. OMG. So, we sit there for at least 10 more minutes before the boys food comes out. I start eating my Greek Chicken Salad...there must be more fat and gristle than actual chicken meat on this plate...and...and...wait for it. Brown lettuce! I think I am going to throw up. I pick out the feta cheese and am done with it. My husband doesn't see what the big deal is. He says his sandwich is delicious. Well, yippee for you. In my book...this place was a complete joke and a waste of my makeup and dried hair.

We head across the street to the park...only it's 7:30pm by now and is totally dark and cold! We play for about 20 minutes and call it quits.

Back at the hotel room, I'm taking off my makeup and getting ready for bed. The boy usually goes to bed at 8pm, and since we are sharing a room, we all go to bed at 8pm. He is in the bathroom with me getting into everything, driving me completely nuts. I usher him out and tell him to go play with daddy. He says no and starts throwing a little fit. So, I start closing the door. Only half paying attention - and definitely irritated - I notice resistence. Well, it's typical for him to push back on closing doors so I can't close it. It wasn't until I hear blood curdling screams that I stop pushing. I open the door, he is standing there with CRUSHED FINGERS, screaming, sobbing. OMFG! I just closed his fingers in the fucking door! Daddy has jumped up by this point and is telling me to go get ice and he is running the boys hand under cold water. I come back with ice. The boy is screaming and sobbing and clinging to daddy for dear life. He won't even look at me. I'm hysterical. Crying, pacing, freaking the fuck out. Daddy sits with him for a while with ice on his hand, hugging him. He tells me to go relax. Yeah right. Daddy is able to bend the boys fingers (and the boy didn't scream when he did so), so we don't think they are broken. Finally, the boy wants me to hold him. I hold him and hug him while daddy goes to the store for pain reliever and bandaids. He comes back and tells me that the pharmacist recommended that we take him to the ER, even though we were able to bend his fingers. OMG! So, off to the front desk we go, for directions to the closest hospital. Ok, so apparently the closest hospital isn't great, so they strongly suggest we take him to the Women & Childrens Hospital of Buffalo - which they referred to as the "Best" hospital in Buffalo. Ok, we're there. Only 20 minutes away, but we find it absolutely impossible to find as it's not marked well and is on a dark residential street. We finally find it. We check in at 8:50pm. They call us back to an exam room at 1:30am. The Dr comes in and asks some questions and looks at it and said he wants to take an x-ray. That's what we want too. So, he said the x-ray tech would be down in a few minutes. 45 minutes pass. Then an hour. I'm like...are you fucking kidding me? I carry my sleeping child out there and ask if someone is ever going to take his effin x-ray. Oh...they haven't been down yet? Obviously not you effin moron. So, another 10 minutes pass and I walk over there again and I stand there until they FIND someone to take the effin x-ray. We get up to the x-ray room and the x-ray tech is busy complaining about her schedule and some other random bs for 5 minutes before she even comes into the room. And then she has the nerve to put on this super sweetsie voice as she straps the boy down and sends us out of the room. He is scared to death, crying and screaming the whole time...I'm dying on the other side of the door. We finally get to him and are sent back downstairs where we are ushered back to our room. I ask if someone is going to read the x-rays anytime soon and actually let us know the status. Oh, yes, yes, it shouldn't be too long, they show up on this computer within minutes. So, within 1o minutes, I am standing in the hallway, staring at the dr/nurses station with "the look" on my face. Finally the Dr comes over to tell us there are no broken bones and that he needs to write release papers. We were like...we'll wait at the desk while you write them. He writes them instantly and we are out the door. We get back to the hotel at 3:30am.

Awesome first day of vacation!

Day #2: The boy wakes up at 9am. Nice. So, since none of us got much sleep, we thought it would be good to take it easy today. Stay close, not do too much, make sure to come back to the room for a nap. So, we head to the Buffalo Museum of Science. This is a sorta-cute museum with a dinosaur bones exhibit that the boy loved and a toddler area that I didn't think we would ever be able to leave. The building's arcitecture was fantastic, but the museum was housed within the Buffalo Science School and was sort of hodgey podgey. It was cute and the boy seemed to enjoy it, so that's all that mattered. But...not really the cailber of museum we are used to. It was located in a really fabulous neighborhood. Now, it probably isn't a fabulous neighborhood - it's probably pretty seedy, but it reminds me of the OWE with big fantastic old homes. We went to Holiday Showcase Restaurant for lunch. We sort of expected some 50s diner with crazy stuff on the wall and funky music, but it was really just sort of "big boy-ish". The boy dropped his hotdog on the floor within minutes of receiving it. They replaced it free of charge, which was nice, but then he said it was "gross". It was a hotdog in natural casing, so his mother would definitely think it was gross too. I can't fault him for that.

We head back for a nap. After 45 minutes of horsing around, I finally convince the boy to sleep. I slept with him, which I never ever do, but was just exhausted. Daddy ran out and got a book and some misc stuff for the fridge. After the nap, we went to a local park to play for a while. We decided to head back to the hotel and hit the pool and order IN. So, the boy and I headed down to the pool while Daddy ordered food. I opened the door to the pool to find at least 10 MEN sitting in and around the hot tub, drinking beers and whooping it up. There I was. In a bathing suit. They were all staring at me...or at least in my head they were. I was Mortified! I argued with my head...this isn't about me. This is about the boy. So, I took off his shirt, whipped off my coverup and got in. They were nice and actually sort of flirty, which was odd considering I was in a bathing suit, and were very nice to the boy. We brought a ball with us and a couple of the guys threw it around with him for a while. One guy even called me the boys "sister". They asked if I was in any way offended that they were drinking in the pool. Um, no. And in my head...I thought "give me about 6 of those so I can deal with the fact that I am wearing a bathing suit in front of you". Ha ha. Funniest part, though, is that they all seemed to leave the minute daddy walked in the door.

So, an hour passes and we head back to the room as our delivery from La Tolteca Mexican Restaurant should be there soon. The food arrives at 8:15pm. (yes, 15 minutes after bedtime) Nice. So, we divvy up the food and discover that they completely forgot my chicken taco salad. For some reason there is a big container of beans and daddy ordered extra chips and salsa, so I ate chips, salsa and beans for dinner. It was good, and fine, but Daddy was irritated!

Day #3: We at breakfast at the hotel and finally headed to Niagara Falls. An easy 25 minutes from our hotel, and we're there. Being the sometimes stupid parent that I am, I ask the boy if he wants to ride in the stroller or walk. "I wanna walk mommy. I promise to hold your hand." Off we go. We aren't even a block away and he pulls this crap "carry me mommy, carry me". Um, no thanks. So, we turn around and get the stroller. He protests at first, but after a few minutes is fine. He gets out of the stroller when we cross the first foot bridge. We walk and walk and he picks up rocks, sticks, leaves, etc. We stop every once in a while to check out the waterfalls, but he just really isn't interested. Great. So, we walk and walk some more. We get to the falls. He likes looking at the water for about 2 minutes and then has had enough. I snap a bunch of photos and then we head into some of the grassy areas...he chases squirrels, birds, picks up rocks, etc. We go on like this for what seems like forever. We walk over to the horseshoe falls and check that out. He's more interested in the hill and the steps. Ok. After 20 minutes or so, we head up the hill to look for some lunch. He wants to be carried. Um, no. So, I put him in the stroller. He throws a fit. But after a couple minutes he is sound asleep. We stroll back to the welcome center to pick up a few souveniers and check out the lunch offerings. This place...that actually says on the building "Official Niagara Falls Welcome Center" is like some flea market with food vendors. The souvenier offerings are pathetic. Serious junk. And don't get me started on the food. So, we sit on some ratty old chairs for a few minutes to let the boy nap and try to figure out where to go for lunch. We decide we'll hit the Aquarium of Niagara first and then have lunch. Ok. The Aquarium is a total joke. They have some very sick looking seals, some fish and that's about it. We wake the boy up when we get inside and he seems very excited, so I guess it's worth the $18 admission. After about 15 minutes, we have seen the entire aquarium. No joke.

We head to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch. Pathetic, yes, but also a relatively safe choice and since most of our dining experiences so far had been not-so-great, we thought safe was good. Everything was fine, and overpriced, but it was ok.

After lunch the boy wants to go play in the park, so we head across the street to play for a while longer, and then startd heading back to the car. By this time, he wants to be carried (we dropped the stroller off before heading to lunch), and only wants me to carry him. Fine. As I'm walking, I don't see the big pothole ahead and step right into it and nearly die. My already completely out of whack back is screaming with pain. I practically throw the boy to daddy and am paralyzed. After what seems like forever, I hobble to the car and slip inside. I am hurting pretty bad by now.

We get back to the hotel and daddy and the boy head down to the pool while I head to the store for some sort of back pain relief. It was a toss up...did I want to deal with the boy, or get away for a few minutes. Once everyone is back in the room, we decide that we don't want to go out to eat, and that after a late/large lunch we're just going to skip it and go to bed at 8pm. We have some snacky things in the room, so the boy munches on that for dinner.

Day #4: We head down to breakfast and kick around the idea of going somewhere on our way home. Check out is at noon and it's only a 5 hour drive home, so we could do something before we hit the road. We get back to the room and the boy is acting like a maniac. Daddy and I decide...fuck it. We're going home. We pack up our shit and leave. We were checked out by 9:15am.

We didn't stop for lunch and got home around 2pm, and after relaxing for a few minutes decided that we needed some good food and headed to El Camino. The perfect ending to a not so perfect vacation.

**We have decided that it's pretty miserable taking a 2 1/2 year old on vacation and plan to wait a couple years before we go anywhere again**

WW

2008-10-15T13:24:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I went to WW today. I was nervous. I feel like I have spiraled out of control. I still haven't journaled. I did journal last week - on the day of weigh in - and then not again all week. I don't know what my problem is. I need to get back in the habit.

Anyway, I stepped on the scale. I told the lady behind the counter that it wasn't going to be pretty. She said..."well, you're down" and then sort of whispered the rest. I thought she said "point 4". I was ok with a .4 loss since I thought I would have gained.

She gave my book back and I went into the meeting room and sat down. I opened my book. I lost 2.4! WHAT? Are you joking? I was totally and completely off track this past week. My weigh in's have been so all over the place I don't know what to think.

I ate at El Camino - 2 TIMES - this weekend. I ate 2 chocolate cupcakes...with chocolate frosting AND sprinkles. I ate a half bag of kettle corn at Farmer Charley's. I didn't go to the gym once.

I'm blown away. But, I'm also sort of GEARED UP! That means...less than 9 lbs until my first goal...and a reward.

Hmmm. Our trip to Niagara Falls will be difficult, but hopefully it will entail a lot of walking and/or carrying around a 30 lb kid. And I will "try" to eat sensibly. I don't think Niagara Falls/Buffalo are really known for their excellent fare, so hopefully I won't be too tempted to cheat. :)

I CAN DO THIS! I WILL DO THIS!

Disorder(s)(ly)(ed)

2008-10-14T12:34:00.007-04:00

It really is a problem. Compulsive Shopping. I admit I have a problem. I think that's the first step...admitting it. I am trying to correct it. Really. I am.

I haven't purchased anything for myself since 10/2. I did buy 2 sweatshirts for my son. He needed them. Last years no longer fit. And a new pair of shoes for him. I purchased a really nice pair of leather shoes on endless.com for him a month or so ago. They're black leather with a brown stripe on them. I bought them with the intent that they would be his every day shoes - covering the black or brown shoe dilemma I often have. After a week of wearing these to the sitter...they were showing signs of wear. 1 week. $69 toddler shoes. Scuffed. I was not thrilled, to say the least. But, honestly, what did I think would happen? Did I think [hope] my son wouldn't "play" in these shoes? Did I think [hope] he would tip-toe around and avoid dirt and concrete and whatever sticky/gross/gooey stuff kids attract? COME ON. USE YOUR BRAIN! So, in an effort to save my sanity over these shoes staying "nice", I purchased a very cute pair of brown leather (cheap leather - not "Handmade in Italy" leather [help me]) shoes at Sears. These are his every day/play/baby sitter shoes.

The failing economy is making me increasingly nervous, and I KNOW that I have to change my spending habits in order for my family to survive. I used 2 coupons at the grocery store on Sunday. I haven't used coupons in...um...ever. I do make a habit of only buying items on sale, or store-brand items, as I'm not really very brand loyal when it comes to grocery items. I will not, however, skimp on organic milk, organic meat, or organic eggs. I am going to make an effort to use coupons for my weekly grocery trips. I have considered giving Aldi another try, but I really have no desire (or time) to go to more than 1 grocery store each week.

I have been eating lunch out about once a week, which is always a visit to Pam's for a regular kitchen sink salad, a cup of soup and a Diet Coke. It costs around $12. That's $48 a month that I could save if I pack my lunch. Or at least cut back to every other week or just once per month. I do love her salads. And soup. And her canned Diet Coke is the best. :) I do love supporting local businesses, but I am going to try and cut back.

I'm not going to quit WW. Although, I do need to take it more seriously.

We leave for Niagara Falls on Friday. I am not in any way prepared for this trip. This is very uncharacteristic of me. I typically have lists made, directions and itineraries printed, suitcases out, etc by now.

We come back on Monday. Hubby and I are both off Tuesday and are taking the boy to the sitter. Hubby is going to re-side our garage (or at least the 1 side he can get to easily) since he's had the necessary materials for about 6 months now, and I am going to take loads of crap to Goodwill/Salvation Army. I am also going to donate about a thousand pairs of shoes to Soles for Souls. Some of the clothes I am donating have been on my 3rd floor since I lost weight with WW 5 years ago! Thankfully these clothes are all still way too big...but what on earth am I keeping them for? It's things like this that make me crazy. But I feel like I never have time to do things like this. I am taking the time. Tuesday, October 21st. It's gone. It's all gone. Besides...I want the tax credits, so it has to be donated soon anyway.

The boy is getting taller and therefore thinning out (he's not really very big around anyway, despite the way he eats). He has 3 pair of pants that fit around the waist and in length. He has 4 pair of pants that still fit in the length (good enough for the sitter anyway) but are absolutely enormous around the waist. I'm giving them to goodwill. He does have 3 pair of sweatpants that fit as well...so I am trying not to run out and buy him new pants. I am TRYING.

I am obsessing over a pair of boots, a new cell phone and 2 tattoos...but I am making myself earn them. Weight Watchers style.

Corn Stalks and whatnot

2008-10-13T13:03:00.002-04:00

Hubby was off all weekend, so we decided to have some family fun. Grandma and Grandpa (daddy's parents) came over Saturday and we headed to Monroe to check out Farmer Charley's. We went for a hay ride, pet some goats, ran thru corn mazes & the pumpkin patch, played in the toddler area and tried to go for a train ride - but the conductor was no where to be found for about 5 minutes. The boy was over it. The boy really thought the corn maze was a blast as Daddy ran ahead and hid around the corner. The boy had a great time trying to find Daddy, and tried, several times, to make his own path thru the corn.

Sunday we headed over to a friends house to play with their [almost] 5 year old. The boy had a great time. After his nap, we headed to dinner - El Camino, the boy's favorite place - with Grandma and Grandpa (mommy's parents), and then they came over to play afterwards.

Oh, did I forget to mention that we went to El Camino on Saturday night as well. Pathetic, yes. Delicious, yes.

I am definitely sick. I have that same sinus garbage I've had about 4 or 5 times this year. Starts with a dry, scratchy throat and sinus pressure. Then along comes the sinus drainage down the back of the throat and the overall feeling of being run over by a truck. Yippee.

I was heading up the basement steps, after putting clothes in the washer, and saw that the boy was heading down the steps. Our basement is gross. Yucky, old, dirty, gross basement. I NEVER let the boy come down there. Never. Over-protect much? Yes. Anyway, I started up the steps, scooped him up and started to carry him back up the steps. My slipper slipped and I nearly fell - but was able to set him down on the landing. I ushered him up the steps and felt pain as I climbed the rest of the steps. My foot was sore all day yesterday and throbbing throughout the night. Today...it's black/blue and swollen and I can barely put any pressure on it. I think I may have broken my big toe! ACK.

Good times. Good times. Sick & broken...days before vacation.

Snake! I like Snakes!

2008-10-09T08:35:00.004-04:00

My husband brought home this tube from his brothers construction business. He thought it would be a good toy for the boy. I was like...are you kidding me? Get that thing out of the house. Well, he didn't get it out of the house, and the boy does love playing with it. Monday night, the boy crawled in it and hubby picked it up and started swinging it around. See below... So, last night, I asked the boy what he wanted to be for Halloween. Since mommy doesn't particularly like Halloween, we've never really talked about it, so he really has no clue. So, I tried to explain the whole costume thing and then starting making suggestions as to what he could dress up as. He shot down most of my suggestions (Fireman, Police Man, Mail Man, Kitty, Puppy, Dinosaur, Bob The Builder, Scooby Doo, Shaggy, a tiger, turtle, bear, bug, Thomas The Train [or Thomas the Tank Engine, as he calls him], dragon, Elmo, horse, on and on and on), but as we were watching Bob The Builder last night...he said "Mommy, I wanna be Wendy for Halloween". Um, ok. I have no problem with that.

I was prepared to try and find a Wendy costume online today, but when I asked him this morning what he wanted to be for Halloween, he said "Ummmmm. I dunno." So, I started making suggestions again and he interrupted me when I was listing off different animals and said "Snake! I like Snakes! I want to be a Snake!". So...ok, a snake.

Do I start looking for a snake costume? Or, do I continue to ask him for a few more days? Should I just take him to a Halloween store and see what happens?

Tricky

2008-10-08T13:48:00.002-04:00

Those scales. I tell ya. They are tricky.

So, 2 weeks ago - my weigh in just after the boy had been sick was not good. I was up around 2 lbs. It didn't make much sense to me. I guess I really did nothing but sit on the couch with him for 3 days straight, and crammed food in my mouth when I had 30 seconds to myself. But, I wasn't eating bad food.

I used my "no weigh in pass" the following week because I felt like I have completely fallen off the wagon. I've only journaled 1 or 2 times in the past 2 weeks and just feel terrible for letting myself get so out of control.

So, today was the day. The dreaded scale day. I decided I had to face the music. After {ahem} having a little visitor arrive this morning, I was doubly terrified of the scale.

Oddly enough, I lost .6 lbs. I am in shock. I even ate out 3 times in the past week (I *rarely* eat out), and had a couple beers (and I even more [less?] rarely drink). Odd. Very odd.

So, I feel pretty focused. I just ate my 4 pt lunch and am still sort of hungry and may eat my breakfast that I didn't eat this morning because I don't eat before weigh ins. I'm gonna do this. I am going to get this weight off. As mentioned in yesterday's post, there are 2 (actually, 3 now) items I really want. I am going to force myself to work for them.

One of the members who joined the same day as me has lost 12 lbs. That is supposed to be ME!

Anyway...on to other trickery. What the heck should my son be for Halloween? I am NOT a Halloween person (I actually do not like Halloween at all) and could care less if we participate, but I feel like a bad parent if we don't. What to do, what to do? ARGH.

Rewards

2008-10-07T16:37:00.002-04:00

I'm going to make myself earn them. I swear!

That whole shopping disorder thing...well, it's real people. It's real.

I am currently VERY OBSESSED (read: can't stop thinking about and/or researching online) with 2 items.

I have to make myself WORK for these two items.

I have fallen off the WW bandwagon. Why, oh why, is it so hard this time? It's stupid. I am bigger and better than this. I need to gain control.

So, goal #1....15 lbs gone, I get 1 of the items. Another 5, I get the other. Realistically - if I try hard, I can lose 20 lbs by the end of the year.

I have to work for these items. I can't just keep buying crap willy nilly.

Ok...day #1. Here we go.

Here and There

2008-10-06T16:15:00.002-04:00

So, last Friday was AHS' homecoming. Typically, I could care less about homecoming and especially football. But, since I missed my 20 year class reunion this past summer, I was very excited to go to the game and catch up with some old classmates. A few of us were in charge of getting donations for baskets to raffle in the alumni tent to earn money for our class. We ended up with over $800 worth of donated items & money. Everyone really pitched in. Sadly though, we only made $198 on raffle tickets. It's better than nothing, but not better than the class ahead of us. Urgh.

Hubby was working, so I brought the boy to the game with me. Grandma was working in the alumni tent for the first half of the game and then I worked the second half. I had to try and entertain that little monster for over an hour - when all I really wanted to do was visit with old friends. In an effort to try and keep him in his stroller (which he fought almost the entire time) I fed him a hot dog and 3 (yes THREE) full size donuts. He kept saying "I want a white one mommy! I want a white donut!" I did not give him a white one...only plain ones. So, half way thru the 3rd donut he was bouncing out of his skin and could not - COULD NOT - sit in the stroller anymore and was causing a scene. So, I let him get out.

It was chilly Friday night. Mommy was sweating her arse off running up and down the hills at the stadium. That little boy had so much energy. I was a sweaty pig. Finally grandma was done working and took him home. Whew.

Had a great time visiting with old friends at the game and then at the Barley House after. Picked the boy up at midnight, he had only been sleeping for an hour and half (too much sugar perhaps?). I tried my best to gently move him from his bed to the car. He woke up. And remained awake and chatting my ear off the entire ride home. We got home around 1am. He went right to sleep. And so did I...that's like 3+ hours past my bedtime! He woke at 8:30am! ICK! Saturday was exhausting.

So, 10 days from today, we leave for Niagara Falls/Buffalo. I'm seriously thinking of just winging this trip. I mean, there is a ton of stuff to do and I don't think I need to plan out every minute of every day like I usually do. It's a little weird for me but I almost sorta "forget" that we are going until I look at the calendar.

I really need to get rid of some crap at our house. I have a TON of clothing and shoes to give away and a TON of designer shoes and handbags to try to sell on Ebay. I need this clutter out of my life. It's making me crazy.

I think I may need medication for Compulsive Shopping Disorder. I spent most of the morning at work looking for winter boots. HELP ME. (I did not, surprisingly, purchase any)

Doctors. Dreaded Scales. Duds.

2008-10-01T10:49:00.002-04:00

I really don't want to jinx it. But, I have to give props to a few new products that were recently recommended to me by my lovely friend Meg.

I do hope that saying these things out loud this soon does not come back and bite me in the butt.

I've been battling adult acne since I was 29 years old. 9 years now (yes, that makes me 38, shut up). I have been to a slew of dermatologists who have prescribed not only medication but whacky diets, I've tried Proactive, and just about every other OTC acne product on the market. Sure, some of them have seemed to work...for a very short period. But, the acne always comes back - and sometimes with more vengence than ever - even while still using said product.

So, Meg told me she hasn't had such clear skin since she was a kid. I asked what she was using. The following combo: Dr. Hauschka's Cleansing Cream, Jurlique Calendula Cream, Kiehl's Non-Detergent Washable Cleanser and Kiehl's Calendula Herbal Extract Alcohol Free Toner.

I'm not entirely sure...but I think the key ingredient here is "calendula".

The Dr. Hauschka's Cleansing Cream is a bit strange, I'll admit. It smells a bit like vomit, and you press it onto your face with your fingers and palms. It's weird at first, but easy to get used to. After just ONE day I saw a difference in my skin. The Jurlique Calendula Cream has a funny smell and an odd color, but feels lovely on your skin.

I've used Kiehl's products off and on for years and find them to be wonderful, although they haven't always done what I have needed them to do. I do love the way the cleanser makes my skin feel and the toner feels great too.

I don't know if it's 1 product, or a combination of the products, but my skin has not been this healthy in...9 years, perhaps. Acne scabs (disgusting, I know) I've had for months are gone. I've had a couple new pimples pop up...but they are gone within a couple days. My skin is glowing. I'm so thrilled. Thank you MEG for the recommendations. I will buy these products until the end of time if they continue to work for me.

Today is WW. I'm using my "no weigh in pass". I sort of fell off the wagon. I'm not exactly sure why, but I stopped journaling. Only 4 weeks into the game and I'm already falling apart. It likely has something to do with the gain last week, and I honestly tried not to let it bother me. But, apparently it has. Humf. I've got the journal out and have journaled my food today, so I'm back on track. I will weigh in next week and deal with what the scale says. I was supposed to have lost 10 lbs by now. Damnit.

Everyone who knows me knows that I HATE SUMMER (weather). Oh sure, I like the activities that summer brings, but I do not like being hot...and I especially hate the clothes. It's very difficult to be comfortable in summer clothes when you are so self conscious about your body. I want to be covered up...ALL THE TIME. Tank tops? Perish the thought. Shorts? Pfft. Needless to say I am very hot in the summer because I simply cannot dress in summer clothing.

So, when I woke up this morning I was DELIGHTED by the temperature. I dug out a pair of black boots, threw on a black sweater and a pair of corduroy gauchos and literally bounced out the door! This is ME people. Boots. Sweaters. Jeans. Tights. Scarves.

Hello Fall. I welcome you with open arms. Ahhh.

Bus Face

2008-09-29T11:33:00.004-04:00

We went to the Clinton Fall Festival yesterday (Clinton MI). We took a shuttle from the parking lot to the festival and back. This was the look on his face the entire time we were on the bus. I call this "Bus Face".

So, he was as thrilled as can be to ride the bus. But, not so thrilled to ride in his stroller. It was a constant battle. And I did get him out a couple times. He will walk & hold my hand for a while and then want me to carry him. Well...darn it...he's heavy. Too heavy to carry around all over the place - especially in the sweltering heat of yesterday. (It was HOT in Clinton, anyway) So, after carrying him for 5-10 minutes, I would plop him back in the stroller. He would fight, get out and walk, end up being carried...repeat.

The parade started at 2:30. He is usually napping at 2:30 (from about 1pm to 3:30pm +), so I'm sure you can imagine how exciting the parade was. We had a great seat - in the Subway driveway apron. He loved seeing the fire trucks, the horses, the Shriner's little cars and motorcycles and the bands. He could have cared less about half of the parade (the longest parade in the history of parades) though. And during that time, he would battle to get away from me, insist upon sitting in a pile of dirt and digging, and then pouring the dirt on me.

I know it's because he missed his nap. And because he's 2. He is typically a really good boy and a total joy to be around, but when he's cranked up...I just find it miserable. I told my parents (who was with us) and my husband (who was home sleeping because he's on night shift) to remind me of this day the next time I decide it's OK for the boy to miss his nap.

It's not going to happen people. Not going to happen.

Anniversary Day Trip

2008-09-26T14:17:00.003-04:00

So, yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. Since it fell on a Thursday, and since my husbands schedule is not very cooperative, I decided to take day off and spend it with him. He was off on Thursday, but has to work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Go figure. But, such is life.

We took the boy to the sitter and headed up to Motor City to the Detroit Institute of Arts (DIA). I've never(!) been, and it's been a very long time since he has been. What a wonderful museum. Nestled in a very hip and happening part of Detroit - right near Wayne State University campus. They have a great collection of European Art - which we always love. And some awesome pieces of Phyfe furniture and pieces from renowned A&C potter Robineau. What I wouldn't give to own a piece from each!! And Kenro Izu's photography was AMAZING! There were so many awesome pieces, and it's such a nice museum, we will definitely make a point of visiting again. AND...even more exciting is that the Detroit Science Center is right across the street!

Even with all of the construction and detours on 75, it only took a little over an hour to get there which is just fine for a little day trip.

We headed over to the Rattlesnake Club for lunch. This is award winning Chef Jimmy Schmidt's acclaimed restaurant and is situated along the completed portion of the RiverWalk. Very cool. We started with a pomegranate martini. And then a cup of cauliflower cheese soup. For my entree, I choose the Wild Alaskan King Salmon, which was served with sweet corn polenta and topped with roasted sweet chile salsa. It was divine. My husband had the Angus Beef RattleBurger topped with caramelized onions, seared wild mushrooms, honey tellicherry pepper bacon, cheddar and a side onion stack. During conversations with our fantastic waiter, he learned that we were celebrating our anniversary, so minutes after they cleared our lunch plates he appeared with a slice of no-flour chocolate cake, topped with vanilla ice cream, caramel & berry sauce, berries and a cute sugar nest (I have no idea what it's called and I don't claim to be a foodie) - and a sparkler!

It was a wonderful Anniversary Day Trip. I'm looking forward to the BIG 10 year next year. Could a trip back to Paris (our honeymoon spot) be on the horizon? Stay tuned...

**Again, the spacing...not my fault**

September 25, 1999

2008-09-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

September 25, 1999 at half past 4 in the afternoon, Hidden Lake Gardens, Tipton Michigan.

2 years after we officially started dating, we exchange wedding vows before Uncle Harold.

You see, ours is a love affair that was meant to be.

I met him in the hallway at Adrian High School in 1986. We had a lot of mutual friends, his best friends and my best friends. So, we ended up becoming very good friends and hung out (as a group) a lot. I thought he was a sexy skinny boy with punk rock hair, black chuck high tops, and black trench coat. He was such a rebel.

We hooked up in High School. Several times. Ok, many times. I had major hots for him. I even wrote on my off-white chucks that I loved him.

After graduation, he went off to the USMC. At his going away party, he cut off his long braid and gave it to another girl in our group. I was devastated. Well…to be fair, I was dating another guy and had been for a year or so and ended up engaged to and moving to Florida with this guy. However, I did cheat on this guy with him...every chance I got.

I would see him during leave of absences from the service – and would, you guessed it, hook up with him - no matter who I was dating at the time. I loved him, after all. Plus...he went from skinny punk rock guy to "Holy Shit, look at those MUSCLES!" No matter who I was dating, I always loved him and always hooked up with him when the opportunity {ahem} arose.

He got out of the service, moved to Ann Arbor to attend college, ended up dating a girl and moving to California with her. They broke up and he moved to Arizona, where he continued school. I saw him occassionally over about 4 years...and we hooked up each time. Get this...we were at a party in Grosse Ile Michigan, and my boyfriend at the time was with me. My boyfriend fell asleep on the couch, and I hooked up with HIM in the back room! Gawd. What a slut.

He came home for a mutual friends wedding in the summer of 1997. He was in the wedding and I was invited to the wedding. Neither of us had dates, so we decided (after hooking up the night before) that we would be each others date. Well…that pretty much sealed the deal. He was home for the summer (summer break from school) and we spent every waking and non-waking hour together.

One night, in his parents hot tub after some hot hooking up, I told him “I think I’m falling in love with you” (I knew that I was TOTALLY in love with him, but I didn’t want to scare him), to which he replied “I KNOW I’m in love with you!”

That was it, we were exclusive. We were official. He went back to Arizona to finish school. I went out there as frequently as I could, and he came home whenever he had a break.

The next summer he asked if I would want his mom’s old engagement ring (she got a new one for their 30th). Being the totally spoiled and ungrateful bitch that I am I told him that I didn’t want some used old ring. On my drive home that night, I realized what I had said and what he was TRYING TO SAY. I called him and told him that “yes, of course, I would love to have your mom’s old ring!”

We didn’t talk about it again for a week or so. I felt so terrible. I thought I had really screwed things up. Then I went to pick him up for one of my softball games and he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. There was something in my mouth. Gross! I spit it out…on the ground!

Then I looked on the ground. It was the ring. Wet and dirty, he picked it up and put it on my finger and asked if I would marry him. YESSSSSSS!

Fast forward NINE YEARS. We have a wonderful 2 year old son, 2 cats, a house, and he’s still the LOVE OF MY LIFE. Happy Anniversary, Boo!

The Boy & The Weight

2008-09-24T11:00:00.005-04:00

Just a couple quick updates. The boy seems to be doing better. Daddy stayed home with him yesterday and told me that they played, they went for a bike ride, he ate the following: 2 scooby doo graham crackers, 2 bites of ramen noodles, 1 top of a blueberry muffin, 4 marshmallows, and drank a half jug of NutriPals. He said he didn't sleep much all day, and wasn't clingy at all. He has had an adversion to Daddy touching him since he's been sick though.

So, I got home from work and he's ok for about an hour or so. I made him some cheese ravioli's. One of his most favorite things. He usually eats about 20 (yes, 20 - they are about the size of a silver dollar), so I made 20. He ate 9. I think that's pretty good. Shortly after dinner he started getting whiney/clingy and all he wanted to do is sit on my lap. I think he's playing me. He's a playa.

This morning was much of the same...whiney/clingy. I felt absolutely terrible taking him to the sitter and he cried crocodile tears when I walked out the door. I told the sitter to call if she thinks I should come get him. There weren't any other kids there yet, so I'm sure he will be totally distracted and will be fine once they arrive...but it still breaks my heart.

And he's SO SKINNY! I can't believe it. I hope these steroids kick in and make him hungry hungry hungry! I miss my boy who eats as much as a grown up!

So, my 4th weigh in was this afternoon. Pretty much a bummer. Must be I spent too much time worrying about the boy and not enough time worrying about what I was putting into my mouth. I honestly didn't eat much for 3 days, and don't think that I overate. But, I certainly didn't get any exercise, and my stomach is a mess. I'm up 2 lbs. Oh well. Onward. It will come off next week...and then some (I hope).

But, I wonder...why can't I get the croup?

One Sick Boy

2008-09-21T20:11:00.003-04:00

Early last week, the boy had a slight cough, runny nose, runny poop, etc. Just some basic signs of a cold - or as I was convinced it was - signs of teething. He has had the exact same symptoms (above) with every tooth.

Friday morning when I dropped him off at the sitter, his symptoms seemed about the same, but he was a little clingier than usual. I told the sitter to call me if she wanted me to come get him.

She didn't call. I picked him up after work and he was still clingy and the symptoms seemed the same. I put him to bed at his usual time (8pm) and by 9:15 he was coughing so hard I felt terrible. Standing outside his door...I debated going in. Hoping it would pass. Well, it didn't. And he began SCREAMING for me...and coughing/barking at the same time. I went in. He jumped up and said "mommy! {sob} mommy! {sob} wanna get me out". How could I argue?

So, I got him out. We sat on the couch in his room for a little while. Neither of us could get comfortable. So, I asked if he wanted to get in mommy's bed. "Uh huh". He's never slept in our bed. He's only played/jumped on our bed. So, hmm. This should be fun. He fell right to sleep, arm thrown around my neck. I sort of fall asleep. It was difficult...what with a foreign object in my bed and all. Then the coughing/barking starts up again. He can't stop. He can't get comfortable. He tries. I try. We spend the next few hours trying to get sleep. It doesn't work. We end up awake at about 3:15am. He wants to come downstairs and watch Scooby. I tell him that it's too early and we'll watch Scooby later. That's not what he wanted to hear. Crying, coughing/barking begin. So, we spend the next couple hours watching Scooby. He is in my arms, dozing on and off. Me, I'm sitting upright. I'm wide awake.

We run out to Target to get some milk and cough meds. We get home, I give him the meds, and wait for them to kick in. And I wait. And wait. They never kick in. Meanwhile, he is coughing/barking non-stop. Literally. Non-stop. I'm heartbroken, and scared, so I load him in the car and head to the ER. Everyone in the place knows instantly that it's croup. They didn't even triage him because they wanted to get him in and get him treated. He was that miserable.

They give him a shot of steriods (apparently this is how they treat croup) and tell me I should see improvement within the next 6 hours. Great. What am I going to do for the next 6 hours. So, we head home, plop down on the couch, and watch dvd's all day.

I tried to put him to bed at 8pm. He wants to sleep in mommy's bed. Mommy's so damn tired, she doesn't protest. Well. Another restless night. Up at midnight...in a hot steamy bathroom. Up at 1:30am, sitting on the front porch breathing in cool night air. Neither of which bring any relief. I tried to put him in his bed. Nope. So, we laid, restlessly, in Mommy's bed, for another half hour or so only to get up and come down to the couch and watch Scooby Doo.

Thankfully, Daddy is home today and can help. Only...the boy wants nothing to do with him. Daddy tries to hold the boy, the boy protests "No daddy, not you, only mommy". This is how we spent the rest of the day. Anyway, we tried the steamy bathroom a couple more times and I do think the last time helped. He was sound asleep in my arms at 7:30pm, so I carried him upstairs, changed his diaper (to which he didn't move or make a sound), and put him in HIS bed, closed the door and walked away. We'll see.

I stayed home with him today. We went to the Pediatrician in the morning. The Doc was very concerned with his breathing. So they gave him a breathing treatment. No change. And another, different kind of breathing treatment. His breathing calms, and so does the cough. If it wouldn't have worked...he would have been admitted to the hospital! She sends us home with a prescription for steriods. He took the steriods like a trooper and I could tell that it made him feel better. We spent most of the day laying on the couch watching cartoons.

Daddy is staying home with him tomorrow. Hopefully the boy will accept that.

Z and the TV

2008-09-19T15:18:00.003-04:00

Ok, so my friend Danielle is having a contest for a $25 gift card for Build-A-Bear, and to enter, all I have to do is write about my child's TV habits. Here goes:

When Z was little, I hoped to keep him from watching regular TV as long as possible. He was too little to care about TV before he was mobile, and after he started moving he could never be still long enough to watch TV. So, the first year and half of his life were pretty much TV free. He used to love the beginning of Jeopardy - and would clap and holler "JEPERDEE!!!" when it came on, but he never really "watched" it.

Somewhere around 1 1/2 to 2 he started showing interest in some cartoons, but as mentioned above...he can't really sit still long enough to watch anything. Scooby Doo was on the Cartoon Network a lot at this time, so he started to really like Scooby.

Somewhere along the line, the reality of my life set in, and TV became a sort of babysitter for me. I didn't want for this to happen...but it had to happen. My husbands work schedule is not very conducive to normal family living, so in order for me to cook dinner peacefully, or pack lunches and get out the door by 7:25am on weekdays...I rely on TV to entertain my child. I HAVE TO in order to get things done. I play single parent 50% of the time.

I don't know how real single parents do it.

So, the reality is...my son watches cartoons. He loves Scooby, Bob the Builder, Thomas the Train and Caillou. He really only watches when I NEED him to as he still can't sit still for very long. I ask him if he has ants in his pants...and he usually replies that he has spiders/monkeys/worms/kittys/etc in his pants. He's very silly. Anyway, once that NEED is over, we're running around inside, outside, upstairs, downstairs.

He's only 2 yrs and 4 months old (TODAY!), so he doesn't have chores or homework. And I do hope to keep the amount of time he spends in front of the tube under control...unless I need a babysitter.

OUCH

2008-09-17T20:37:00.004-04:00

Severe frickin diaper rash? You have got to be kidding me.

He is RAW.

I am going to cry my eyes out.

2 Yr Molars?

2008-09-17T20:37:00.002-04:00

Ok, so, I'm pretty sure he is cutting his 2 year molars.

He's been working on them for MONTHS. These are - by far - the worst ones - as far as teething symptoms goes.

He is still sleeping thru the night, so no problem there. But, he has that rattly cough he's had with all of his other teeth. The rattle has been going on for about a week now and so has the burning poop. Poor thing will have a burning flaming poop - it will hurt his butt - and next thing we know he has diaper rash. Now, he hasn't had a diaper rash since he was a wee little one. And it looks very painful and is all over his bottom and around his penis and in the creases. I feel so terrible and slather a gob of desitin on it. It goes away in a day-ish, and then returns a couple days later...when he has another flamer. Repeat.

It has to be the teeth. He really doesn't ever get sick, hasn't been sick in probably a year. And this cough...it sure does sound familiar. He still uses a pacifier (I know, I know) and has been cramming it to the back of his mouth and chomping on it. He's very whiney and clingy, and his appetite comes and goes. And he's an eater...so when he doesn't eat...I get concerned.

Tonight...he wanted marshmallows for dinner. I didn't care. He didn't feel good. He was laying on the couch with a sore butt and a rattly cough. If he wants marshmallows...he gets marshmallows.

Hurry up you damn molars. I hate seeing him like this.

I'm down with it

2008-09-17T13:28:00.003-04:00

Lost 2.2 today. Total of 5.6.

That's almost 2 lbs per week - for 3 weeks. The healthy way to do it.

I'm down with it.

I'm craving El Camino though...I guess if I'm gonna have it...tonight's the night. No other plans to eat out before my next weigh in.

You see...I can't eat out and do WW. Technically, I could, because with WW you can eat anything - it's all about making healthy choices and portion control.

Well...I simply cannot do that in a restaurant. If someone else is cooking for me...I'm not going to order something healthy. I'm going to order my favorite thing at that particular restaurant. Which is typically very un-healthy.

So, if I'm going to eat out while doing WW, my best bet is to get it done at the start of my new week, so I have the whole week to reverse the damage! HA!

Oh well. It's just the way I am. I'm down with it.

General Babble

2008-09-15T21:04:00.004-04:00

There's just so much to think about.

This is a crazy time for us. We had court today. I can't really talk about it, but phase 1 is complete. My husband has an interview this week (via phone, maybe) for a position in Columbus. I don't necessarily want to move to Columbus, and there are a lot of things they would have to offer in order for us to pack up and move, but it's exciting. It's a step closer to getting out of his current place of employment. Plus, it's a large company with an office here in Toledo, so if the Columbus thing doesn't work out, hopefully he will be considered for anything that opens up around here. I do, after all, have connections there.

My husband's upcoming work schedule puts him working all weekend for the next - at least - 3 weeks - so I'm debating if I want to tackle potty training by myself. I'm planning to do the fast track method. I have the doll, both a potty and the insert thing you put on a regular toilet to give the boy a choice, big boy underwear, etc. We talk about it all the time. He likes to watch himself pee in the bath. He knows he can control it by contracting his bladder, and will start and stop it while in the bath. It really is funny. I'm really not interested in taking 6 months to potty train my child by putting him on the potty once in a while or whenever it is convenient. I'm really hoping the fast track works. He's very strong willed, so he has to be into it too. I'm still on the fence about this one.

Our 9 year wedding anniversary is next week. I have no idea what to get my husband. He said he only wanted one thing...and I can't repeat it. He's a simple man. We have a date planned though. More about that later.

I'm starting to freak out about a little pre-school and real school. I have no idea where to send the boy. We kicked around Montessori...and aside from the cost, we decided that we don't want our child to be a robot. He's far to outgoing, energetic, excited. He's never been to daycare, only a home sitter. I did visit a couple daycares when he was brand new, but they scared the heck out of me, so I never looked again. I really have no interest. I do, however, want to get him into pre-school next year, at least for half days a couple days a week. I really need to start talking to people to get some recommendations.

I want to transition him into his big boy bed at Christmastime. I found the bedding today. Now I'm nervous about the transition. Why? I have no idea. I'm afraid that my awesome sleeper will change when he has freedom. He has slept thru the night since he was 12 weeks old, with only a few incidents over the past 2 years (I can count them on one hand), involving puke or teething, where he woke in the night. I'm just worried he will feel the need to get out of bed a hundred times per night.

I'm anxious for my weigh in tomorrow. I'm ready for something exciting on the scale. We'll see.

I'm excited to get a Blackberry. I just need to find the time to make it happen. While we were waiting for "court" this morning, my husband was playing with the Voyager (my current phone which will become his) and almost instantly locked it up. Bizarre.

I like my new bangs and I think they make me look younger, but I have a couple weird frizzy sections that are making me nuts. I think I may quickly run the flat iron over them tomorrow and see if that helps.

Just more of the same. General mindless babble.

Remembering

2008-09-12T13:03:00.004-04:00

Well, no, I didn't forget. I could never forget. I just didn't think to blog about it.

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the first plane hit. I remember getting a phone call from my husband telling me about it. I remember passing that information on to co-workers. I remember the comment from an idiot I worked with at the time.

I remember sitting on the floor in the media room. My hand over my mouth, tears streaming down my face.

I remember gathering my things and heading for home. I remember calling my friends in NYC. Over and over and over again. I remember receiving a call from my friend that evening. It seemed like days, weeks, before he called me back. I know it's because it was difficult to communicate at this time. He told me that he and the rest of my NYC friends were ok.

I called my friends in Alexandria. I knew they were ok, but I wanted to make sure.

I remember sitting on the couch, bundled in a blanket - bundled with nerves, watching the tv for days on end. My hand over my mouth, tears streaming down my face.

This was happening in MY city. These were my people. My heart was broken. I was so sad. Yet, I couldn't stop watching. Over and over again. I watched. And I cried.

I remember everything about that day. Despite being in a fog. I even remember what I was wearing.

I remember our trip to NYC in late November. I remember going down "there". I remember seeing the soot that was still on the surrounding buildings. I remember the smell. I remember the memorials. I remember so much that I will never forget.

I remember wandering around down there...hand over my mouth, tears streaming down my face. So many others were doing the exact same thing.

Tears are streaming right now. Only my fingers are typing. They'll be over my mouth soon.

Week 2

2008-09-10T15:58:00.002-04:00

Ok, so my second weigh in was today. I am down .6 lbs.

I had, of course, hoped for more. But, it is going in the right direction, so I should be happy about that. I will get this weight off....one ounce at a time.

I need to re-evaluate what I'm eating and doing and see if I can create some excitement on the scale next week.

We have a bday party this weekend, so I need to be cautious about what I'm eating & drinking. Otherwise, I have no plans to eat out (which is what always gets me in trouble) or do anything otherwise un-WW-friendly.

I'm going to the gym tonight, tomorrow and Friday. Maybe I'll try to jog on the treadmill again.

Ok...here's to a great weigh in next week!

All Boy (& A Pretty Little Girl Too)

2008-09-07T21:24:00.002-04:00

So, we went to a family reunion today in Adrian. It was held at Heritage Park. I was a little nervous at first, because I didn't remember there being a jungle gym/play area there and was concerned..."what the heck are we going to do with this kid for a few hours?"

Well, we weren't disappointed, there was a wonderful jungle gym thingy, larger than most I've seen here in T-town. It was awesome. And the boy had a great time playing on it. He can scale a ladder like he's been doing it all his life, and they had a rock wall too, and he scaled it like a pro! There's also the face first sliding he likes to do...this kid is fearless.

But, none of this pales in comparison to what we found about a couple hundred yards away. The people who maintain the park live on site and have a barn full of all sorts of things boys love. We saw tractors, trailers, lawnmowers, miscellaneous farm equipment, so on and so forth.

He rolled the thing above down a big hill and back up again (well, daddy had to help). What a great time! And yes, the tongue is always out when he's working hard.

Tonight after his bath, I was helping him put his jammies on and I asked him if he was my best boy. "Nope. I'm a girl." Hmm. I asked if he was sure. He said "No, I'm a baby". I told him he sure was a big baby. He then said "Yep".

Gustav, Hanna, Ike?

2008-09-05T14:32:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure which of these rolled through T-Town yesterday, but it poured...for about a half hour and then sort of rained off and on for another hour. We haven't had rain here since early July.

I was thankful to get this rain (and also, obviously, thankful we live in Ohio and not on the coast)...I'm tired of watering our lawn every day. But it was drying up like a slug does when you pour salt on it.

The boy and I were out exploring after the rain. Checking out all the puddles, the sticks that had fallen off the trees, the new critters crawling around. Whoa...let me back up and tell this cute little story before I go any further. I let him jump in a couple puddles on the way to the car when I picked him up from the sitter, and as we're driving home, he looks at his shoes and says to me: "Look Mommy, I'm dirty in my two shoes!". This kid. Cracks.Me.Up.

Ok, on with the story. He discovered that his pool (which has been turned upside down in the back yard for a week or so) had a puddle in it.

Next thing I know, he is in the puddle. Jumping up and down like a mad-man. Bouncing off the inflated edges and sliding into the puddle.

He was soaked. He was filthy. He had THEE BEST TIME EVAH!

The fun never stops.

This spuds for you (me)

2008-09-04T08:29:00.002-04:00

The little cuties pictured here are the inspiration for the points friendly potato soup that I scorched on Monday.

It's hard to tell from the photo, but they are just a hair bigger than a cherry tomato! They are so incredibly cute.

I was craving some soup, and thought I would try to come up with something. Here's the recipe (I really never ever measure anything when I cook, so the quantities are a guess - for the most part):

5.4 ounces of potatoes (2 points and = to about 10-13 little potatoes)

about 3 cups of water

3 chicken bullion cubes

about 1/2 onion - or however much you like

a spoonful of crushed garlic

about a 1/2 cup of frozen peas

1/3 cup of instant potato flakes (2 pts)

A dash (or 6) of crushed red pepper

Fresh ground pepper to taste

Sautee onion and garlic until carmelized. Boil potatoes (leave them whole...they're so cute, and bite size) w/bullion cubes, red pepper and pepper. Once potatos are soft, add onions, garlic and peas. Boil for a few minutes until peas are no longer frozen. Remove from heat, stir in potato flakes to thicken.

It's REALLY REALLY good...and only 4 points for the entire pot! YUM!

**Again - I have no idea what is going on with the spacing. It's not me.

anticlimacticness

2008-09-03T13:50:00.002-04:00

My first official weigh in. I'm down 2.8 lbs. Now, that's OK, it really is. I'm OK with that. Really.

It's just that...well, I had hoped for more. Always.Want.More.

I have been a SALT addict this past week. That is probably part of the problem.

I journalled every day. So, there's no problem there.

I measured my food. So, we're good there.

I maybe didn't make the best choices, but I still ate my allowed points and used only 11 of my flex points.

So, my goal for next week is to lose 5 lbs. I'm heading to the gym tonight and will make it there at least 3 more times before my next weigh in. I'm upping my water intake and limiting my salt...right after I eat this sour apple with salt on it.

So, onward and upward. Or, downward? No matter...I'm losing it.

Digits and kids

2008-09-03T09:09:00.008-04:00

So, the 90210 premiere last night. Was I excited? YES! Very! A little part of me died when it went off the air in 2000. Did the premiere live up to my expectations? Um, I'm still on the fence.

Sure, there was a lot of drama. There was a lot going on all over the place, none of the scenes lasted very long, and it just seemed to jump jump jump all over. I hated the music - there was WAY to much of it. It seemed as though they were trying to pack way to much into a season premiere. But, I think that is often the case.

I love Kelly Taylor. As always. Brenda Walsh looks TERRIBLE, and is an equally terrible actress, and I still hate her.

As for the rest of the characters, I wasn't particularly blown away by any of them. The girls in the show are emaciated. I cringed as Annie ate a small bowl of lettuce for school lunch in one of the scenes. They need to EAT! The show left me feeling a little "meh". The original 90210 was my guilty pleasure for 10 years. They were my family. I will likely continue to watch the new 90210 in hopes that it gets better with time.

I asked my son this morning if he was my best boy. He said "I'm your super best best orange boy". Not sure why orange...but that's ok. He is my super best best orange boy.

And...it's comforting to see that ridiculously beautiful hollywood types can have ugly children. Did you see Nahla? Not cute.

Labor Day

2008-09-01T20:59:00.003-04:00

My normal boring existence was filled with fun activities this weekend. My husband was off ALL WEEKEND and MONDAY! We went to the Toledo Zoo on Saturday and again on Sunday. You see, on Saturday, we never made it past the Africa side of the zoo (the west side of the trail). We never walked over the sky walk. We rode the carousel - over and over and over again - and went on the train too! We spent some time in the misters - because it was hotter than hell (if you ask me, anyway), and spent a lot of time running in and out of the Polar Bear exhibit. So, on Sunday we entered through the back entrance (Broadway) and spent a lot of time in the Aquarium before heading over to the playground and then a few minutes checking out the monkeys.

And Sunday evening headed to the Toledo Botanical Gardens so the boy could run run run!

He was exhausted, and slept until 9:30 am on Monday....that's 13 1/2 hours! Monday morning after we got around, we headed up to the lake to visit (& play with) friends. I'm not a big fan of the water - and will not wear a bathing suit in front of anyone - so the boy hasn't spent much time at the lake. He ran into the crashing waves like he was born to do so.

We had a great weekend. It's nice having my husband around. I miss him.

**I was so engrossed in writing this that I burned the 'points friendly' potato soup I was making for lunch tomorrow. It's scorched, the house is full of smoke and my soup (& probably pan) are ruined. Do I try again? Argh. PS: I have no idea what is going on with the spacing on this blog but it's not my fault.

On second thought

2008-08-29T12:51:00.001-04:00

Mr. Turtle...we are just going to release you right back where we found you.

You are a protected Box Turtle and while we are permitted to have you for a pet, we really shouldn't. And we shouldn't relocate you either. You have excellent homing instincts and if we take you to - say, the park - you will probably try to find your way home and may get killed along the way.

So, welcome, little guy. Welcome to my flower beds. Stay as long as you like.

Hello, Mr. Turtle

2008-08-29T10:01:00.003-04:00

Good morning! And welcome to my front flower beds. The boy thought you were pretty cool. You sure are pretty!

We were concerned that you were someone's pet. But, really, how could someone lose a turtle? Just to be safe, we put you in a big tub with a little dish of water, some leafy greens and carrots to munch on and some small branches so you could hide. We put you in the shade, under our only tree in the back patio. I emailed our neighborhood email connection to see if anyone lost a turtle. If not, I think the kids around the corner want you. I like you and think you are very cute, but I can't see you as our pet.