FREE BREAST IMPLANTS!

Doctors. They're supposed to help, right? They are supposed to be healers. They are supposed to make us feel better. Right? Right???

Well, last week I noticed a wet spot on the cups of my bra. Nipple discharge.

After the fog cleared around me, I picked up the phone and called my Dr's office. I was able to get in first thing the next morning.

I arrived 10 minutes early (why do I always do that for Dr appointments, knowing damn well they will be late) and was under the impression I would see MY Dr. It wasn't until this obnoxious red haired bitch walked in that I realized I got in so quickly because I was seeing the Dr that was available.

Her ramped up demeanor, belittling attitude and obnoxious tone of voice had me retracting the instant she walked in. I told her why I was there, and that I had recently had a mammogram which said that the large (um, nearly the size of a tennis ball) cyst in my breast was perfectly normal...and now I have stains on my bra from discharge. I also told her that several people, including someone who HAS breast cancer right now that started with finding a "perfectly normal cyst", have recommended that I have the cyst biopsied. This is when she went off the deep end.

The attitude got even worse and she spoke to me as if my concerns and the concerns of other people were inconsequential. She told me I shouldn't take advice from anyone who isn't a "Dr" (complete with the finger "quotes"), and that the cyst is completely normal and I should think of it as a FREE BREAST IMPLANT and stop worrying! Yes! She said this to me. A female fucking doctor, talking to a freaked out patient who is convinced she has breast cancer! How inappropriate was that?

Anyway, my mind was whirling the entire time I was there. I wanted to ask her who the hell she thought she was. Or who she thought she was talking to. I wanted to tell her to leave the room and send in Dr. W. I wanted to PUMMEL HER.

She did refer me to a surgeon who could drain the cyst (for comfort sake) and told me that if I wanted to have it biopsied, to go ahead but she wouldn't refer me to anyone, and she ordered blood work to have the levels in my pituitary gland checked. If I have a tumor on my pituitary gland, that can cause nipple discharge. We'll see.

*the discharge could be any number of things: stimulation, from the pressing and squeezing of the mammogram, tumor on the pituitary gland, etc...

Infinity Plus Ten

Ten years ago today, Dan and I exchanged vows in the Evergreen Hill area of Hidden Lake Gardens. I had big plans of surprising him with a visit to the site in which we exchanged vows, we were going to have wine and a picnic lunch. We were going to be driven by limousine. We were going to have the day to ourselves to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

Then reality hit. The boy has Zoo Preschool from 9am to 11:30am on Fridays. My husband has school from 8am to 2pm on Fridays.

My plans...out the window.

Then my mom made an offer we couldn't refuse. "How about if your dad and I keep Zane Saturday night (over night)?"....well, HELLS YES! This would be the first time in Zane's 3 years, 4 months and 6 days that he has ever slept in a house/hotel/apartment without us. Which also means this is the first night in 3 years, 4 months and 5 days that we've had a night alone.

So, how exciting is that? Wow!

No clue what we'll do (heh!)...but it will be fun. And I can't wait. Was supposed to go back to Paris for our 10th, but I suppose a night alone is second best.

Anyway, Happy Happy 10th Anniversary to my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life.

9/11/09

This day of rememberance has always left my heart heavy. I will never forget where I was, what I was doing or how I was feeling. I will never forget my visit to NYC just over a month after the attacks. I will never forget the site. I will never forget the smell. Oh, the smell. I will never forget the mourners. The still standing church just mere feet from the rubble. I will never forget the photo's of victims...some already declared dead. Some "missing". Walking up and down the streets surrounding the WTC was perhaps the most humbling experience of my life.

But this day, 9/11/09, will be a day I remember forever for the good things it brought.

The boy started Preschool today at The Toledo Zoo. We've been talking about it a lot in hopes of preparing him to go to school, with people he doesn't know, without mommy or daddy. He did a SUPER job. He instantly made friends with a boy named Jake. When the teachers arrived and told all of the kids to hang onto the rope, my son abliged without any argument. I wasn't aware he could follow instructions.

He held the rope (if one of the kids drops the rope, the group stops) all the way into the school. He didn't look back. He didn't cry. Meanwhile, I was standing around the corner (peeking) with tears streaming down my face.

I finally got in my car and headed to my next destination. St. Anne's Mercy Cancer Center.

2 weeks ago I experienced sharp shooting pains in my left breast which lasted for about 2 hours. I scheduled an appointment with my GP and she felt a large mass, and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.

At 10am this morning, I had both tests. I have been a NERVOUS WRECK for 2 weeks. There is history of breast cancer on both sides of my family. Not first degree relatives, but 2nd and 3rd.

Since my tests were "diagnostic" and not just preventative, the radiologist read the results immediately.

Turns out I do have a cyst. A PREFECTLY NORMAL LOOKING CYST. So normal, in fact, that they said no further tests or procedures were necessary.

So, thank goodness. My 2 week breast cancer scare is over.

I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER.

I.DO.NOT.HAVE.BREAST.CANCER.

*breathe*

Sand and Surf

We went to the beach today. Lake Erie, Vermillion Ohio, Volunteer Bay beach area to be exact.

85 degrees and blue skies. Too hot for my blood. But, I suppose it wasn't about me.

The boy had a great time. From digging, to driving trucks in the sand and the big hole, to looking for shells, to floating in the water, running along the shore, acting like a dog, running up the steps, etc.

None of it held his interest for long. It was non stop from one thing to the other and back again.

We had fun, oh sure. Could I ever see myself doing this every day? No. Could I ever see myself vacationing on a beach? Highly unlikely.

He dumped sand on his friends head. He got a time out. ON THE BEACH.

Miraculously they said they wanted us to come back up again soon. And we will. It was a good time and the boys played great together, except for the whole time out ON THE BEACH thing.

Good news is that I'm feeling good about Weight Watchers. Had an excellent and super motivating meeting this morning. So, maybe someday I will get in a bathing suit and in the water with him. Maybe someday I will be back in front of the camera instead of always behind it. And maybe someday I will want to take a beach vacation. Maybe. Someday. Maybe.

A more deserving couple there is not

Very good friends of mine are hoping to adopt a child.

Please visit their website to learn more about them and their dreams of having a family.

I am asking you to spread the word...keep your eyes and ears open...contact my friends or I if you learn of a mother considering adoption.

They are everything that parents should be and more...

Sleep with me

On, Friday, June 3rd, Mommy put together your big boy bed. A full size bed with super cute truck/car bedding.

You were incredibly excited to see it and immediately climbed up and began jumping and twirling and singing.

On your first night, Mommy crawled into bed with you and read you two books. You wanted Mommy to stay. So I did. I woke up to you tapping my shoulder saying "Mommy, I woke up in my big boy bed, lets get up". It was 7:40am. Good job buddy.

Day two naptime came. I sat in your bed and read you a book and then told you that you could read and play IN your bed, but we need to have quiet time. I heard you horsing around for a bit but then it was quiet. You napped for 2 hours.

Day two bedtime was the same as the first night. Mommy woke up at 11pm and went in her own bed though, instead of staying with you all night.

Day three nap was not such a success. Daddy laid with you (mommy was out running errands) and said you were jumping all over him, so he left you to nap. An hour later, Daddy said you were wandering around upstairs. No nap.

Bedtime that night you were exhausted. So, bath time and then mommy laid with you for 15 minutes, read 2 books and told you that you could continue reading or playing IN your bed and I would check on you in a little bit. 5 minutes later I hear you padding around upstairs. You have to go to the bathroom. You use the bathrom and it's back to bed. I peek up 15-20 minutes later, your light is on. I open the door and tell you lights out, to which you reply "I'm reading and I need the light to see my book". Ok! Lights out when you are done with our book. I checked back in 15 minutes, your light was out and you were quiet.

Day 4, I laid with you for a few minutes and told you that you could read. You turned your light off after 15-20 minutes and were quiet. Naptime at the sitter, no clue how that went.

Day 5. Same routine only you were pretty wound up. You were jumping around and acting like a maniac for what seemed like forever. Mommy and Daddy left and I heard you padding around upstairs after just a few minutes. You had to pee. After your business, you went back to bed. 15 minutes later, you are sitting at the top of the steps calling my name. You want to show me the string you pulled off your jammies. I send you back to bed, only to hear you (fake) crying 10 minutes later. I come in and you tell me you need the yellow duckie from the hanging stuffed animal bin. I gave you the duck and left. I come up to bed at 10:15pm to find you awake with an enormous amount of stuff (everything else from the hanging bin) in your bed reading books. I turn out the light and tell you I am going to bed and not coming back in. You go to sleep. Or, at least I think you do. Sitter...no idea about the nap.

Day six...wound up, acting like a crazee, had to pee, want me to stay, etc. I left after 15 minutes. You screwed around until I came in at 10:15pm. You said you were afraid of the firecrackers. I crawled into bed with you and slept with you until 12:30am. You were up at 6:15am. Nap at the sitter...I think.

Day 7 - had to pee, acting crazy, insisted that I stay after reading. I stayed for 15 minutes. You were up there screwing around for quite some time, I was exhausted and couldn't deal, so I crawled into bed with you. At least that way I knew where you were. Sitter for nap.

Will someone tell me why it was so necessary to get him in a big boy bed? Was three and a month and a half really too old to sleep in a crib? Because we never had sleep issues in the crib. He has been a dream of a sleeper since he was 3 months old. And now I have to deal with this?

MEH. MEH, I say. MEH.

Before and After

Thank you Gus&Max for 3 great years of Mod Cube Bedding.

Thank you Land Of Nod for the next (hopefully) many years of Department of Motor Vehicles Bedding.

I can't wait to see my big boys face when he see's his new room.

Exciting and sad at the same time.