A Brown Christmas

The day started with excitement oozing out of my 3 1/2 year old. He woke up at 6:30am, came downstairs and was thrilled to see that Santa did indeed make a stop at our house.

Santa overdid it, of course, because if it's worth doing...it's worth overdoing. That's just this Santa's policy. We spent the day playing trucks, legos, Candy Land, Dominoes, Bendaroos, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and learning how to use the Leapster 2. It was fun, for about a couple hours.

Then the overstimulated "fortunate" boy (read: spoiled rotten) started getting whiny, cranky, etc. (See? See what I did there? I talk about overdoing...and then complain that my child is a brat. What the?) Anyway, we popped in the new Tom & Jerry DVD and while that worked for a while, he was still pretty wound up. Obviously overstimulated.

After fighting to get dressed (just like any other day...because he hates clothes, remember), we scooted out the door and headed to Grandma and Grandpa's. Thank goodness for that trip! He took a nap in the car, all 45 minutes of it. It was nice to get out of the house and have the opportunity to pawn him off on G'ma and G'pa for a bit. Plus, there's the fact that he is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT child when around G'ma and G'pa.

Anyway, he had piles more gifts from G'ma and G'pa, and was pretty well behaved for about 2.5 hours...then it went way down hill. Tired. Overstimulated. Time to leave.

He was awake the entire ride home, but once home and laying in bed, he fell asleep within minutes. Barely made it through the first book. Thank goodness!

Speaking of books...THEE coolest gift of all. "Twas the Night Before Christmas" narrated (recorded) by G'ma and G'pa. This is something I think the boy and I will both treasure forever.

It rained the entire day and the dusting of snow we had is now gone and we are left with mud. A brown Christmas. Pfft.

Check. Check. Is this thing on?

Hi, yes, it's me. I am alive. Just caught up in, er, life, I guess. I'm just going to ramble on a bit, how's that?

The boy started his new school. He cries every morning, doesn't want me to leave. But when I pick him up, he rambles on and on about how much fun he had. He has been going almost a full month, and still cries every morning, was sent home with a fever of 101.5, still has a cold, has had the croup. The joys of new germs. Yummy.

They've been practicing for their Holiday Program, which I am insanely excited about. If we wouldn't have made the switch from home sitter to daycare, I wouldn't get a Holiday Program until Kindergarten. So excited I can't stand it, and it hasn't even happened yet.

The boy occasionally asks why he doesn't go to Pat's anymore. I wasn't sure what to say. So, I said "Because Pat wasn't teaching you anything and we want to make sure you are ready for Kindergarten when you get bigger". He bought it. He talks about his little friend Tommy (at Pat's) a lot. I should probably try to get Tommy's moms phone number.

My job is insanely busy. This is good, yes, but I am absolutely beat at the end of the day. I wear about a dozen or so different hats throughout the day and am amazed each and every day when I look up and it's 5pm. Where did the day go? Did I finish one thing from start to finish...likely not. Hats strewn about my desk are very distracting.

The husband quit working with his brother because they can't seem to get along. The 2 days he was working with him were also making it difficult for him to get his school work done. So, now he is staying home all week. He is doing all of the cooking, all of the laundry, and most of the cleaning, which is lovely to come home to. Not sure how long we are going to survive on my salary plus unemployment, but we're going to give it a shot.

I feel like a slug. Failing miserably at WW. Needed a "break" from spin. That was 2 weeks ago. I want to go to spin, and I want to follow WW...but all of those hats are very distracting.

Christmas shopping is done except for nieces and parents. Everything is picked out, just need to buy it. Should be done tomorrow.

Dying for a vacation. Out of my mind that I don't get my annual trip to NYC this year. Have to keep reminding myself that this situation won't last forever and will be in NYC again soon. Also need to remind myself that we are going to Myrtle Beach in the summer. GADS. Every time I say it, it makes me want to barf. Summer in the South. I can't think of anything less appealing. Well...frogs are less appealing. But, that's about it. OMG, and especially if I don't lose this weight. Can you imagine.

Need new living room furniture desperately. No money for it. Husband says it's at the bottom of the priority list. Completely disagree.

Time to wash this L'Oreal Dark Brown hair color out of my hair and hope the gray is gone. If not, I guess it's a good thing I have so many hats.

15 minutes = $30

[googly eye glasses that Grandma and Grandpa were handing out}

The first costume Zane picked out was a Tiger. It was sized for age 3-4. I didn't think to try it on him before we left the store. Because, well, he's size 3-4. A couple hours after we got home, he said he wanted to try it on. Well...we tried to put it on. I think the size was more like 24 months...it was a 1 piece "suit" and it was about 5 inches too short from going over his shoulders, and the legs were 4-5 inches too short as well. So the Halloween Store's policy...No Returns, No Exchanges, No Refunds.

Well, that is, unless you are me. Natch.

We went back to the store that night, about 4 hours after we purchased the Tiger costume, and I explained the situation. She hemmed and hawed a bit and then decided that as long as we pick something that is the same price or more we could exchange it.

YIPPEE.

So, we settled on the Thomas the Tank Engine costume, $30 - more expensive than the tiger. Again, natch.

He wore it for approximately 15 minutes tonight. We went to 2 houses in Adrian (Grandma and Grandpa Owens' neighborhood) and then he was done. He didn't even want to sit on the porch and hand out candy. He wanted to sit inside and play with his trucks/trains. He didn't even want to eat any candy.

Daddy is disappointed that he appears to have developed his mother's love (read: dislike) of Halloween.

FREE BREAST IMPLANTS!

Doctors. They're supposed to help, right? They are supposed to be healers. They are supposed to make us feel better. Right? Right???

Well, last week I noticed a wet spot on the cups of my bra. Nipple discharge.

After the fog cleared around me, I picked up the phone and called my Dr's office. I was able to get in first thing the next morning.

I arrived 10 minutes early (why do I always do that for Dr appointments, knowing damn well they will be late) and was under the impression I would see MY Dr. It wasn't until this obnoxious red haired bitch walked in that I realized I got in so quickly because I was seeing the Dr that was available.

Her ramped up demeanor, belittling attitude and obnoxious tone of voice had me retracting the instant she walked in. I told her why I was there, and that I had recently had a mammogram which said that the large (um, nearly the size of a tennis ball) cyst in my breast was perfectly normal...and now I have stains on my bra from discharge. I also told her that several people, including someone who HAS breast cancer right now that started with finding a "perfectly normal cyst", have recommended that I have the cyst biopsied. This is when she went off the deep end.

The attitude got even worse and she spoke to me as if my concerns and the concerns of other people were inconsequential. She told me I shouldn't take advice from anyone who isn't a "Dr" (complete with the finger "quotes"), and that the cyst is completely normal and I should think of it as a FREE BREAST IMPLANT and stop worrying! Yes! She said this to me. A female fucking doctor, talking to a freaked out patient who is convinced she has breast cancer! How inappropriate was that?

Anyway, my mind was whirling the entire time I was there. I wanted to ask her who the hell she thought she was. Or who she thought she was talking to. I wanted to tell her to leave the room and send in Dr. W. I wanted to PUMMEL HER.

She did refer me to a surgeon who could drain the cyst (for comfort sake) and told me that if I wanted to have it biopsied, to go ahead but she wouldn't refer me to anyone, and she ordered blood work to have the levels in my pituitary gland checked. If I have a tumor on my pituitary gland, that can cause nipple discharge. We'll see.

*the discharge could be any number of things: stimulation, from the pressing and squeezing of the mammogram, tumor on the pituitary gland, etc...

Infinity Plus Ten

Ten years ago today, Dan and I exchanged vows in the Evergreen Hill area of Hidden Lake Gardens. I had big plans of surprising him with a visit to the site in which we exchanged vows, we were going to have wine and a picnic lunch. We were going to be driven by limousine. We were going to have the day to ourselves to celebrate 10 years of marriage.

Then reality hit. The boy has Zoo Preschool from 9am to 11:30am on Fridays. My husband has school from 8am to 2pm on Fridays.

My plans...out the window.

Then my mom made an offer we couldn't refuse. "How about if your dad and I keep Zane Saturday night (over night)?"....well, HELLS YES! This would be the first time in Zane's 3 years, 4 months and 6 days that he has ever slept in a house/hotel/apartment without us. Which also means this is the first night in 3 years, 4 months and 5 days that we've had a night alone.

So, how exciting is that? Wow!

No clue what we'll do (heh!)...but it will be fun. And I can't wait. Was supposed to go back to Paris for our 10th, but I suppose a night alone is second best.

Anyway, Happy Happy 10th Anniversary to my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life.

9/11/09

This day of rememberance has always left my heart heavy. I will never forget where I was, what I was doing or how I was feeling. I will never forget my visit to NYC just over a month after the attacks. I will never forget the site. I will never forget the smell. Oh, the smell. I will never forget the mourners. The still standing church just mere feet from the rubble. I will never forget the photo's of victims...some already declared dead. Some "missing". Walking up and down the streets surrounding the WTC was perhaps the most humbling experience of my life.

But this day, 9/11/09, will be a day I remember forever for the good things it brought.

The boy started Preschool today at The Toledo Zoo. We've been talking about it a lot in hopes of preparing him to go to school, with people he doesn't know, without mommy or daddy. He did a SUPER job. He instantly made friends with a boy named Jake. When the teachers arrived and told all of the kids to hang onto the rope, my son abliged without any argument. I wasn't aware he could follow instructions.

He held the rope (if one of the kids drops the rope, the group stops) all the way into the school. He didn't look back. He didn't cry. Meanwhile, I was standing around the corner (peeking) with tears streaming down my face.

I finally got in my car and headed to my next destination. St. Anne's Mercy Cancer Center.

2 weeks ago I experienced sharp shooting pains in my left breast which lasted for about 2 hours. I scheduled an appointment with my GP and she felt a large mass, and ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.

At 10am this morning, I had both tests. I have been a NERVOUS WRECK for 2 weeks. There is history of breast cancer on both sides of my family. Not first degree relatives, but 2nd and 3rd.

Since my tests were "diagnostic" and not just preventative, the radiologist read the results immediately.

Turns out I do have a cyst. A PREFECTLY NORMAL LOOKING CYST. So normal, in fact, that they said no further tests or procedures were necessary.

So, thank goodness. My 2 week breast cancer scare is over.

I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER.

I.DO.NOT.HAVE.BREAST.CANCER.

*breathe*

Sand and Surf

We went to the beach today. Lake Erie, Vermillion Ohio, Volunteer Bay beach area to be exact.

85 degrees and blue skies. Too hot for my blood. But, I suppose it wasn't about me.

The boy had a great time. From digging, to driving trucks in the sand and the big hole, to looking for shells, to floating in the water, running along the shore, acting like a dog, running up the steps, etc.

None of it held his interest for long. It was non stop from one thing to the other and back again.

We had fun, oh sure. Could I ever see myself doing this every day? No. Could I ever see myself vacationing on a beach? Highly unlikely.

He dumped sand on his friends head. He got a time out. ON THE BEACH.

Miraculously they said they wanted us to come back up again soon. And we will. It was a good time and the boys played great together, except for the whole time out ON THE BEACH thing.

Good news is that I'm feeling good about Weight Watchers. Had an excellent and super motivating meeting this morning. So, maybe someday I will get in a bathing suit and in the water with him. Maybe someday I will be back in front of the camera instead of always behind it. And maybe someday I will want to take a beach vacation. Maybe. Someday. Maybe.