Three

Dear Zane,

The time has past so fast and I am amazed and awed by you on a daily basis.  Who would have guessed my little Sweet Potato Pumpkin Pie would have turned into such a big boy so quickly. There's no way I could ever compile a comprehensive enough list of YOU, so here are just some tidbits I can think of...

*Vocabulary = incredible.  Our neighbor (an early education teacher of many years) claims that you have the vocabulary of a 6-7 year old.  I'm not sure I believe that, but you are awesome.

*You have an outstanding memory.

*You have started to spell a few words.

*You know your full name and birthdate.

*You were potty trained (pee) in 2 days, and about a week and half for the other.

*You are about 36 lbs, 39" tall.

*You wear a size 8 shoe.

*You are very excited that Daddy is home more and you want to play with him around the clock.

*When you are tired/hurt/sick/crabby, you only want Mommy.

*You are very nice and gentle with the kitties and they are now showing you how much they love you.

*You weren't afraid of Santa Clause, or the photographer who took our family pictures and your 3 yr portraits.

*You say cheese and look at me (usually) when I want to take your picture, which is a welcome change from you saying NO and running the opposite direction.

*You act like a wild boar when it's time to put jammies on for bedtime, but after 2 books, you still settle right down in bed.

*You are still in a crib although we have been talking about your big boy bed recently.  Grandma and Grandpa gave you big boy bedding for your birthday.

*You like to have your door open at night now, and you occassionally talk about monsters, but believe mommy when I tell you that monsters can't get into our house because the kitties would eat them.

*You love trucks, trains, rocks and dirt.  You are all boy.

*You hate time-out, but you continue to do the things that get you there.

*You like to use several different voices and like to make up your own words.

*You love when I use differnt voices when reading books and you always tell me to "talk like the truck/cow/kittens/car wash/slide, etc". 

*You are wearing mostly 3T clothes, but many of them are too short.  4Ts are huge around if they don't have an adjustable waist.

*You went to the dentist for the first time and acted like you have been there a hundred times.

*When mommy is acting silly by calling things in books by the wrong, or goofy, names, you either say "nooooo, it's a ____" or you look at me like I am crazy but you don't want to hurt my feelings and say "okay".

*You have recently started picking up your things when I ask you to...which is very helpful.

*You love to HELP with anything.

*You are obsessed with the hose.  You love to water the plants (you tell everyone..."I'm growing tomatoes by feeding them with the hose"), and the rocks in the back yard.

*You are still a great eater.  Sometimes it's hard to keep you in your chair, but you still eat well and a lot.  And you like most everything.

*You are still addicted to milk, and have never had juice or pop.

*You are a junk food junkie, but it appears you have your father's metabolism.

*Sometimes when I ask you to do something, you reply with "I can't, my back/neck/arm hurts" and it makes me feel terrible.

*You are very outgoing and will talk to anyone.  You very rarely act shy around anyone.

*You pout, and sometimes cry big crocodile tears, when you don't get your way.

*You say you don't need a nap anymore and cause quite a ruccus sometimes but you settle right down once we are in your room reading books.

*You love to snuggle under a blanket on the couch with me.

*You hate brushing your teeth and fight it almost every day.

*You love to look for bugs.  

*You collect sticks, rocks, leaves, grass clippings, etc. whenever we walk around the neighborhood.

*You love to talk on the phone and can actually hold a conversation (well, as much as a 3 yr old can).

*You love playing with your dad's tools.

*You love to push big trucks up and down the sidewak (and anywhere and everywhere).  You are a pusher.

*You are on the go...go...go, around the clock.

I have so much love for you.  People without children can never truly understand how much a child changes your life.  

I love you buddy,

Mommy.

What a Girl (Mommy) Wants

Mother's Day 2009

Sleeping in until 8:30am followed by a home cooked breakfast followed by a gift card to her favorite makeup store and a Zane original on canvas followed by Daddy and the Boy heading out to the park/woods/swamp to play for a few hours while mommy did whatever she pleased. 

Ending with dinner with Grandma and Grandpa, in which the boy was incredibly well behaved even after waiting an hour for a table.  

It doesn't get much better.

Ramble On

As I was sitting on my office buildings City Room deck during my lunch break, I was thinking about some of the things that I love these days:

*The current weather.  Rain or shine...60s and low 70s are just my style.

*Neurontin.

*That my new company offers tuition assistance.

*That when my son gets a boo-boo, only "I" will do.

*"It Sucked and Then I Cried", by Heather Armstrong.  So much of it seems so familiar.  I'm not sure I needed to be admitted to a mental hospital, but I guess we will never know.  (and thanks Steve for getting me a signed copy)

*That my husband is home EVERY night and EVERY weekend.  At last.

*That my new company dress code is a little more business casual and less slob.

*That my son corrects me when I call a piece of construction equipment by the wrong name.

*My new tattoo, especially after the touch up and added magenta heart.

*That I feel OK about having to take my check card out of my wallet in order to make our new budget work.

*The 75% off ($6) leather and suede flats I bought at Target to replace the $100 fsny flats that fell apart from too much love.

*That I feel good about cutting carbs and caffeine.

*That my husband agreed to do a "family only" 3rd Birthday Party for the boy.

*My Scion xB.

*My flower beds/yard/pots.

*That my best friend of 35+ years found a "nice guy" who treats her well and makes her happy.  I won't mention that I tried to hook them up 15+ years ago.

*The Toledo Zoo, Metroparks and 'Hood adventure walks with the boy.

*That the parts of my job I dislike most will no longer be my responsibility.

*The sound of my son's laughter, even if he does occassionally sound possessed.  That's part of his charm.

Throat Slitting

I was out of my mind with anxiety over the thought of having this cervical surgery.  Out of my friggin mind.  Out.Of.My.Mind.  Did you get that?

OUT.OF.MY.MIND.

On Tuesday, I met with an Orthopedic Surgeon at UT Medical Center.  After talking to his assistant (a cute-ish Dr in training), he and the Ortho reviewed my MRI.  They both came back in and did a couple strength tests, and then the Ortho said this (kinda sorta verbatim):

You do have a ruptured disc, but since you've only been feeling this way for a few weeks, I do not think surgery is the right thing to do at this time.  Lets start with some medication and physical therapy.  We'll do that for about 4 weeks.  If that doesn't work, we will schedule a steroid injection.  And if that doesn't work, then maybe we will talk about surgery.  BUT, I think you will find much relief from the medication and physical therapy and won't even need to get the shots.

WHA?

Then he said this:  I am very surprised that the Neurosurgeon you saw said your only option was surgery.  That is not at all how we feel about your condition, and we feel other options should be explored/exhausted before we consider surgery.  

WHA?

So, my PT starts next week and I am taking Methylprednisolone (a 6 day pack) and Neurontin.  I'm thankful that the Methylprednisolone is only for 6 days as there is the chance of weight gain.  That't the last thing in the world that I need.  The Neurontin could cause all sorts of weird mood issues like "frank psychotic manifestations"...whatever the heck that means  But, it could also cause euphoria.  So far...euphoria is the only side effect I have had.  And I rather like it.

My arm is a leetle bit sore, my index finger is still numb and I occassionally have muscle twitches, but the terrible pain and feeling that my arm is going to fall of, or rather is being PULLED off has gone away.  I am giddy and giggly and feel good.  It's very weird.  Sort of...er, euphoric.

I'm diggin it.

And lastly, my son named his stuffed dog "Rudy Kazootie"....where does this random weirdness come from.  

Lemony Snicket's Got Nothin On Me

I've been absent.  I know.  I'm sortof just trying to keep my head above water right now.

On Friday, April 3rd, sitting at my desk at work...not really doing much of anything, my left arm started feeling tingly, heavy, painful, twitchy and my index finger and middle finger went numb.  I shook it off to just weird "me" and enjoyed the weekend.  Monday morning I still felt weird, so I got in to see my massage therapist right away.  After an hour long massage...I felt the same.  No relief whatsoever.

I made an appointment with a General Practioner.  I have been terrible about having regular checkups with a doctor and was long overdue for a visit.  Part of the problem was that I needed to find a new one, which seemed like a miserable daunting task.  Since it was an emergency, I asked around and found a Doctor who was recommended and also a preferred provider on my insurance.  

10 days after the initial incident and 10 days of eating Motrin & Advil like candy, I saw the doctor.  First off...I love the Doctor.  Her bedside manner was great, she was a new mom and was actually carrying her baby in a sling (oh, and the nurse was cool...tattooed, and her daughter works at the tattoo shop I go to)...anyway, she ordered bloodwork and an MRI.  

I have the blood drawn on the 14th, the MRI on the 15th.  The Dr's office calls on the 16th to tell me I have a protruding disc in my neck and they want me to see a Neurosurgeon.  I ask if they can tell me what to take, or prescribe something, for pain because Motrin and Advil are doing nothing.  She gives me a prescription for Ultram.  

I see the Neuro on April 20th, and after a couple strength tests, and before reviewing my MRI he tells me exactly what is wrong.  A ruptured/herniated disc at C6/7.  He puts the MRI up and confirms that it is indeed a ruptured/herniated disc and it is actually pressing on my spinal cord.  Hence the arm issues.  I also have a ruptured/herniated disc at C5/6, but not as bad.  

His recommendation?  Anterior Cervical Microdisectomy/Fusion...which consists of an incision in the FRONT OF MY NECK, navigating thru my neck tissue, carotid artery, voice box, trachea, and esophagus to get to my spine where the ruptured discs are removed and replaced.  

Recovery period is 2-8 weeks!  I wouldn't be able to lift more than 10 lbs for 3 weeks and 20 after 4 weeks, which will make life with a 3 year old very difficult.  

I am SOBBING when I leave the Neuro's office.  There HAS TO be another option.

I decide I should get a second opinion and after talking to a friend, have made an appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon.  My appointment is tomorrow.  

I have no idea what I will do if his only recommendation is to CUT.  I realize they are surgeons, but it sure seems like some sort of therapy or other method of recovery/pain management would have to be exhausted before jumping into CUTTING MY NECK OPEN!

And...on top of all of this nonsense, my employer announced their merger last week.  The merger is a good move for the company and I have very positive thoughts and feelings about this merger, but there's still a bit of me that is scared.  I've been down this road before.  

And, And...my husband's severance has run out.  We are now living in reality.

And lastly...our 1 and only credit card company (Bank of Fucking America In The Ass) sent a notice that our 6.99% FIXED rate is being changed to a VARIABLE rate...currently 25.65%!!!  We have a modest balance, pay on time (automatic payments), pay the minimum, etc.  We have never ever done anything wrong.  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  Mother fuckers.

Must.Remain.Positive.

I love this little boy...that's positive.  

 

four-oh

My love is 40 today.  FORTY!  

And still as hot as hell.  

WOW!

So sweet

How did my baby get so big?   I am in denial that he is going to be 3 years old next month.  The "almost three" has been a bit of a challenge, but he still brings me so much joy.

I know I boast about his vocabulary and brilliance frequently, but this kid is really and truly amazing.  No matter where we are, another parent asks how old he is and seems to be amazed when he tells them how old he is.  He's very sweet and very polite.  

I really only have one other child to compare him to, and that's a little boy at the sitter who turned 3 in February.  He talks very little, is very shy, is very short and just overall tiny.  Zane and this boy seem miles apart in their development.  

I'm so proud and so much in love with this kid.