My boy!

Daddy worked all weekend (gawd, I can't wait until he is done working at that awful place!) so it was jut me and the boy. Saturday morning we had a play date. A friend of Mommy's and her 2 boys came over for a few hours. The boys had a BLAST and it was super fun for me to A) not have to be the one playing with him all day long and B) see him have so much fun with his friends and C) visit with my friend.

They left shortly after lunch (for naptime, natch) and my son cried for 20 minutes.

"I need my friends!"
"Mommy, I want my friends to come back!"
"Ma-a-a-me-e-e-ee! I neeeeed them!"

It was sad. It was pitiful. I felt terrible, actually. I realized how much this boy NEEDS to play with other kids. Sure, he plays with other children at the sitter. But, we're down to only 3 days there per week now, which means 4 days are spent with adults only. As much as I LOVE winter, and I do love love love it, it seems that we spend all of our time holed up (and alone) in the house. It's been really cold too, too cold to play outside on most days. And that's sad too because we all really dig playing in the snow. Plus...going places for me typically means buying stuff and I've really been trying to adjust to living on a budget. It's really really hard, so I would rather just not go anywhere. Not be tempted, which turns out to actually mean...I'm punishing my child for my own lack of control. Urgh.

So, Sunday morning I decided we needed to get out. We headed to the mall. I do think the play area at the mall is disgusting. A breeding ground for germs and gross kids I wouldn't really choose for him to play with while their parents yap-yap-yap on their cell phones. While their 10+ year old children run rampant in a baby/toddler/preschool play area. The type of parents who consider this area their "free babysitter". I hate it.

Anyway, so we headed into the mall. He spotted the "Build A Bear" store immediately. He wanted to go in and see if they had any "Dinosaur Bones" (not sure why, but he was convinced he would find dinosaur bones at the mall). He spotted a Panda Bear who he thought looked like "Little Pim", from his Mandarin Chinese DVDs. I asked if he wanted to watch them put stuffing in his belly and pick out an outfit for him. He sure did. So, that was fun. 20 minutes and $26 later, we had a bear named "Pim" and a whacky shirt and hat for him.

After adopting Pim, he told me he was hungry for lunch. We headed to the food court where he decided he wanted noodles. I spotted Nori Japanese. I ordered noodles and breaded chicken (like sweet n sour chicken), we split it. It was decent, and he loved it. The people sitting next to us couldn't get over his vocabulary and his noodle slurping abilities. We had one noodle that was, no joke, at least 18 inches long. I held it out while he slurped it up. The people just giggled.

We headed over to the ride on's after lunch. The ones that are NOT near the germy play area. The ride on's are germy, but they just don't seem as disgusting. He rode the dump truck 7 times. Finally, I told him I didn't have any more money and asked if he wanted to see if we could find some dinosaur bones.

We looked for dinosaur bones but didn't find any and headed out the door.

He was getting snoozy on the car ride home, so I told him he could watch 10 minutes of Scooby and then it was nap time. I got the typical throw yourself on the floor, hide your face and whimper and say "I don't want to take a nap. It's not nap time". Sorry, little man, it IS nap time. So, we headed up read a couple books, I hugged & kissed him, plopped him in his crib, covered him up, closed the door and left.

I started my typical naptime ritual of sitting on the couch with my laptop, catching up on all the Facebook happenings. I hear him CRYING! SOBBING!

I rarely go back in his room after I close the door for naps or night time, but this time it sounded different. I opened the door to find him sitting in bed, tears streaming down his face, holding Pim. Pim's hat had fallen off. He was devistated. He couldn't put it back on.

It's one of those hats that just has little elastic loops that fit around the stuffed animals ears. I put Pim's hat back on, layed his head on the boy's pillow, covered them both up, patted the boys head only to see that he was already sound asleep. Ahhh.

After his nap, we headed to the grocery store. I never, ever, ever, take him to the grocery store with me. But, I thought I would rather go when it was light out than deal with going after daddy gets home from work. So, he refused to sit in the cart, which I figured would happen sooner or later. He wanted to push. He loves to "help", so I put him to work. I told him which things to get and how many, and he got them and put them in the cart. More like threw them into the cart, but it's hard when you're only 37 1/2 inches tall. He was a great helper...and it wasn't as miserable of a experience as I anticipated.

Fun times, people, fun times.

Pride & Eloquence

WOW! What a day!

Yesterday was really something special, and something I will remember for the rest of my life.

Barack Obama, the first black President.

Do I really care so much that he is the first black President? Well, sorta. Do I care that he is a Democrat and that we finally have control back? YES! Do I believe he, and his staff, will do everything they can to fix America and that he is the right man for the job? YES! YES! YES!

I feel a new sense of hope. A new sense of pride. A new sense of accomplishment. A new sense of desire. Desire to be better. Desire to be a better person / wife / mother / daughter / friend / employee / neighbor.

It's refreshing to have an eloquent President. To be able to comprehend his words. To be INTERESTED in his words. To smile when he speaks. To cry when he speaks. To feel proud when he speaks. To feel compassion in his words. To feel urgency in his words. To feel desire in his words.

I hope this man inspires others (and you know who you are) to be better. To do better. To have pride. To have hope. To have desire. To strive to accomplish.

I'm excited to see what each new day / month / year brings.

And, his smile. It's infectious.

snippet

Daddy worked yesterday, so it was just me and the boy. The hilarious little guy that he is...

*****

Boy: "Mommy, do you have feet?"

Mommy: "Yes, of course I have feet. Don't you?"

Boy: "Nope, I don't not got feet anymore"

Mommy: "You don't? Where did they go?"

Boy: "They got smashed by a MONSTER truck!"

*****

(mommy peeing)

Boy: "You pee'd mommy?"

Mommy: "Yep, I sure did!"

Boy: [hug] "I'm so proud of you! You are such a big girl!"

*****

(boy ON dining room table, eating lunch)

Mommy: "Please get off the table and eat your lunch sitting in your chair!"

Boy: "I can't! My back hurts!"

(think he's heard that a few times?)

*****

New words (pronounced perfectly, I might add): Constantinople and Timbuktu, thanks to Dr. Seuss' "Hop on Pop"

*****

Boy: [lick] "Hi Mommy, I'm your new doggy!"

Mommy: "Yuck! I thought you were my big boy, not my doggy"

Boy: [twirling around] "I'm a cook-a-roo!"

*****

(on potty)

Boy: "I pooped! I did a super great job!"

Mommy: "Yep! You sure did!"

Boy: "Wanna look at it mommy?"

Mommy: "No thanks sweetie, I heard it plop"

Boy: "Me too! It PLOPPED loud!"

*****

He never ceases to amaze me, and can always make me crack up. As exhausting as it is to solo parent, and doubly exhausting with a bad back, he still brightens my every day.

Jammin'

I just love the way he is holding his guitar now.

It's almost like he knows what he is doing.

My little rock star! Rock on, big boy!

(Yes, his father is building with foam blocks behind him...what of it?)

I was dreaming when I wrote this...

2009. The year of ME. Right?

Well, I got my hair chopped off. Needed to do something with it. It was too long and stringy. And too MOM.

Got my nose pierced. I've wanted to get my nose pierced for like...forever. What better time than when you're weeks away from your last birthday. Not my last birthday because I'm dying. My last birthday because I turn 39 & there will be no more.

I'm going to a chiropractor to fix up my back and neck. X-rays reveal that my neck curves almost the exact opposite way it is supposed to, my mid back curves to the left, my hips are crooked, and the very last disk (low back) on my spine has worn down over time and is well...almost gone. So, it's practically bone on bone down there. Mmmm.

I knew about the low back last disk problem...it stems from playing "catcher" during my 4-5 years of playing softball in the 90s. I've been dealing with the pain for many years. It is, however, the worst it has ever been. Some days, I can barely move.

Visits to the chiropractor seem to be helping my neck pain considerably, but I'm afraid the low back stuff just isn't going to be fixed by adjustments/alignments. The chiopractor wants me to have an MRI and will likely refer me to a pain specialist. Mmmm. I guess that either means...drugs or injections. Well...whichever. If it makes me whole again. I'll do whatever it takes...and whatever my insurance covers.

On to the eating healthy, exercise, weight loss part of the "year of ME". Well, I'm a major f*ck up. I can't seem to stop eating crap. I go to the gym a couple days a week, but miss a day and then fall off for several more days. It's a terrible cycle.

I have MANY dreams of running on the treadmill at the gym. I see a lot of other women doing it. Thin women. Were they thin when they started running? Did running make them thin? Will running make me thin? I suspect it can't hurt...if I can make myself eat healthy. I have reconnected with a lot of friends via Facebook, and many of them run. I want to be like them. I have one friend who lost 25 lbs in 4 months by only adding running to her day. No diet changes.

I'm going to try. I'm going to try tonight. I worry what I will look like trying to run on a treadmill. I need to get over that. We are all at the gym for the same reason, right?

Must.Get.Over.Fear.Of.Image.

I have fear that it will hurt my back too, but I must try. Must.Try.

I decided to quit WW since I am throwing money down the drain by not following the program. Plus, well, my husband is losing his job and it's a cost that can be cut. I'm going to continue to try to do it on my own though, which shouldn't be hard since I know the program inside and out.

We're potty training the boy. He's doing a great job. Pooping is taking some coaxing, and getting him to actually slow down to pee is a bit of a challenge, but he is getting there. Still wearing underpants all day, and pull ups ("sleep underpants" for naps and nighttime). He had 1 accident all weekend. Doritos for pee, kitkats for poop. Mommy has eaten as much of these treats as he has. Bad mommy.

He's the funniest kid ever. We played in the snow a lot this weekend. He plopped his butt in the snow, cracked up and said "look mommy, I made snow butts". He also enjoyed sledding, helping to shovel, pushing (or trying to push) trucks in the snow, throwing snowballs at mommy, taking snowballs for sled rides, and just plain being outside. We got several inches of snow, but it wasn't as bone chilling cold as it has been, so we spent a lot of time outside. It was fun.

While reading a book this weekend, I asked what letters he saw on the page. I don't know why I do this...he knows the alphabet. I guess it's habit. He replied "no mommy, I don't need to talk with those letters right now". I guess he told me.

Now if he would just tell me to stop eating his snacks we'd be all set.

Too funny not to post

Thanks ladies at "Go Fug Yourself" for this one...


I am still laughing. The trash shoes crack me up.

I needed this today. Thanks. XOXO

Oh crap!

It's official. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.

2 weeks ago, I got a new tattoo. I've been wanting another one for a long time and finally got around to doing it.

Last Wednesday, I went to see a Chiropractor. I have been needing to see one for many years - I think the last time I saw one was 2001. My back has progressively gotten worse since having a child, but I rarely take time to take care of myself so I have been letting is slide. This isn't really a "mid-life crisis" thing...but it is something unusual.

Last Friday, I got about 8 inches of hair cut off & my nose pierced.

I've done absolutely nothing to try to lose weight recently. But that is going to change too. This fat person isn't me. I'm over it. It's time for a new me.

I'm not really sure if this is a mid-life crisis as I'm only 38 (gonna be 39 in a few weeks - ick), I think it's more of a "boring mom crisis". Boring ME crisis. What happened to ME crisis. I think a lot of women go thru that phase...after having a child...where you put everyone and everything else before you. True, true, my son is nearly 3 years old...and I do buy a lot of things and that is self indulgent, but I rarely do anything to "take care" of myself. Well, I'm over it. It's time for a new me.

*****
We got a letter - or, rather, a MEMO - from my husband's employer. They are closing the location where he works. There were rumblings that this was going to happen, so we knew, but it didn't become official until we received the MEMO, on plain white paper, on December 31st. Happy Friggin New Year. The "permanent layoff" is effective March 1, or within 2 weeks after. So, he'll be unemployed. Unless he finds another job, that is. Which is a great possibility since there are so many darn good opportunities out there (insert sarcasm here).

A national statistic. Yippee.

A few weeks ago his employer announced a 10% paycut, across the board, in an effort to keep people employed. The pay cut became effective on January 1st. So, we're coping with 10% less money until March 1st, and then 50% less (unemployment), which will actually equal 60% less than he was making on December 31st, thanks to the 10% pay cut. So, yippee. We're going to try to live on my income plus 40% of my husbands previous income. This should be, um, interesting, to say the least.

Of course, we have completely mixed feelings about this. On the one hand...he's been wanting to get out of there FOREVER, and has been looking for a new job for some time. The need to leave was exacerbated by recent events involving physical harm to my husband by a subordinate, which resulted in some unpaid time off and a slap on the hand for the assailant and basically no support or protection for my husband from the company. And on the other hand...well, you can guess. Unemployed = less $. There are opportunities within the company, if we want to relocate. I really don't have a problem relocating...but not for this employer. Forfuckingetit.

It is interesting to see the change in my husband though. Knowing his time there is coming to an end. He's happier. He's sleeping better. He's more agreeable and less arguementative. So, I am going to think positive - and call this a good thing.

Of course, if he doesn't find a job right away we will save on childcare as the boy will be home with Daddy a minimum of 2 days per week. And we're confident that the home improvement business will pick up once the weather breaks and once people start receiving tax refunds, so he will be able to supplement by working with his brother. It will be ok. Really, it will. I do, sortof, feel like I have to keep saying that though. It.Will.Be.OK.

We're not broke. We do have a nest egg. He will likely get a severance. We aren't in debt up to our eyeballs. BUT.STILL. Who wants to go through this?


So, all of my talk about being on a budget and learning how to curb my spending...well, now it's a reality. And that's ok. And my vehicle lease is up on March 1st. What timing. My plan is to get something before March 1st, that way they won't know we are in the poor house. Without 2 incomes, I can't get what I want, but I can get another Altima. And I do like my Altima. So, there, it's settled. Unless of course, he finds a new job making lots n lots of fat cash, then I will get the car I want.

Surprisingly, there have been quite a few nearby positions that my husband seems suited for - but we have to remember that there are, oh, about 500 thousand other people applying for those same jobs. Humf.

*****

This past weekend, we tackled Potty Training. We talked about it with the boy on Friday night. He seemed hip to trying to use the potty the next day. We've talked about it for several months, and every once in a while he has wanted to sit on the potty, but we never encouraged it. I really don't want this to take forever. I have friends who say their child(ren) took a year to potty train! No thanks!!! I want it to be done in a weekend and move on.

Anyway, Saturday morning rolled around and after he ate breakfast and drank some milk, we took off and said good bye to his diaper, sat on the potty, and then put on big boy underwear. About every 15-20 min, we asked if he had to go potty. And about every half hour or so we went into the bathroom and sat on the potty, just to see if there was anything in there ("my penis is empty, mommy"). He successfully peed on the potty after about the third time sitting on it, he was very excited! He did have 2 accidents in his underwear. But, as soon as he started going, he told me he was going, and we ran to the bathroom. He peed in the potty again before his nap. For his nap, he wore a pull-up, which he hates. Since I already knew he hated them, I called them "sleep underwear". He thought that was ok, and agreed to put them on.

After his nap (he woke up dry!!) we changed into big boy underpants and spent the rest of the day asking, trying, and going. His typical poop timeframe rolled around (right after dinner, go figure) and when I heard a "toot" we headed to the bathroom. We read books and held our hand up to our ears to "hear the toots in the toilet" and low and behold...PLOP PLOP. The look on his face was awesome. He told me that he pooped. And sure as shit (pun intended) we looked in the toilet, and there was his poop. He thought that was cool. I was very impressed as I have heard that pooping in the toilet is the hardest part. He's advanced, I can't help it.

Day number 2 went just about the same as day number 1. A couple accidents in the underwear, but a pretty successful day with several pees on the potty and a poop too. And day 3 was spent at the sitter. She said he had 1 accident.

Since this kid is motivated by food, his rewards for peeing = doritos, and reward for pooping = kitkats.

He is doing such a great job and I am so very impressed and proud of my big boy. I realize that, going forward, my days with him are going to be spent asking if he has to go to the bathroom, but I'm so sick and tired of changing diapers and having all that crap (pun, again intended) in my house. I can't wait to throw away the changing pads and diaper champs. Can't.Wait.

Plus, hello, cost savings! No more diapers! Hopefully the 20 pair of underwear I bought him last until Daddy gets a job. Ha ha.

auf wiedersehen, 2008

The author of one of the awesome blogs I read posted a list of things that happened in the year since her last birthday (she turned 35, damn it), and I thought it was an awesome post. I am posting something similar, only, this post covers the year 2008, instead of the year between birthdays. I am sure I cannot compare to her awesomeness, and I am sure I will miss some things, but here's my futile attempt.

2008: A Year In Review
ο I had an evil monster (Mirena) expelled from my uterus
ο I cried & celebrated when my son turned 2
ο I spent some time in a job trailer
ο I got a 12% raise at work - because I asked for it (and deserve it)
ο I celebrated 9 years of wedded bliss
ο I thought I was losing my mind, and was relieved to learn it was just the IUD making me crazy
ο I celebrated my husband's vasectomy
ο I traveled to NY 2 times - NYC and Niagara Falls
ο I got locked out of my house, and out of my running car and spent 2 hours outside in 25 degree weather dressed for work, not dressed for "outside". I cried when my husband finally saved me
ο I got a new tattoo
ο I celebrated 9 years of being smoke-free
ο I joined weight watchers (again) and am struggling to lose the "baby" weight
ο I donated clothing to Goodwill and shoes to Soles4Souls
ο I donated more shoes than I purchased this year
ο I sold stuff on eBay
ο I dreamed about cigarettes
ο I reconnected with some long-lost friends
ο I started blogging
ο I joined a gym (and actually go occasionally)
ο I celebrated my son's 3rd Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas...and all the other holidays after May 19th
ο I proudly voted for Barack Obama, and sobbed when he won the election
ο My house has a new driveway and is partially insulated
ο I took my son to the Emergency Room for the 1st time
ο I took my son to the Emergency Room for the 2nd time
ο At 38, I am the oldest person in my office
ο I mourned the loss of a parent of 4 of my friends, and the loss of 1 friends husband
ο I missed my 20 year high school reunion
ο I celebrated my husbands 10% pay cut...it beats losing his job altogether*
ο I attended my first NYC wedding
ο I proudly put a political sign in my yard for the 1st time
ο I supported my husband as he prosecuted one of his employees for assault
ο I celebrated 5 years with my employer
ο I went to my high school homecoming, to catch up with friends I missed at the 20 yr reunion - it was the first football game of any kind I have attended in, oh, 20 years
ο I converted our spare bedroom into a playroom for the boy, and he loves it
ο I re-connected with my long-lost niece, who turned 18 this year
ο I got a Blackberry and now completely understand the moniker
ο I still love the taste of beer, but rarely drink it or any other alcohol
ο I gave support to friends who were diagnosed with Hepatitus C and Stage 2 Breast Cancer
ο I gave Bratwurst a second chance and have decided it's not half bad

*More exciting news on this later…


All in all, it was a good year for us. A few bumps and bruises but I think you can always expect that.

Here's to 2009. The year of ME, where I intend to get the weight off, get my back fixed/aligned, get my acne cleared up, get my hair cut off, get another tattoo or two, and many many other things.