I was dreaming when I wrote this...

2009. The year of ME. Right?

Well, I got my hair chopped off. Needed to do something with it. It was too long and stringy. And too MOM.

Got my nose pierced. I've wanted to get my nose pierced for like...forever. What better time than when you're weeks away from your last birthday. Not my last birthday because I'm dying. My last birthday because I turn 39 & there will be no more.

I'm going to a chiropractor to fix up my back and neck. X-rays reveal that my neck curves almost the exact opposite way it is supposed to, my mid back curves to the left, my hips are crooked, and the very last disk (low back) on my spine has worn down over time and is well...almost gone. So, it's practically bone on bone down there. Mmmm.

I knew about the low back last disk problem...it stems from playing "catcher" during my 4-5 years of playing softball in the 90s. I've been dealing with the pain for many years. It is, however, the worst it has ever been. Some days, I can barely move.

Visits to the chiropractor seem to be helping my neck pain considerably, but I'm afraid the low back stuff just isn't going to be fixed by adjustments/alignments. The chiopractor wants me to have an MRI and will likely refer me to a pain specialist. Mmmm. I guess that either means...drugs or injections. Well...whichever. If it makes me whole again. I'll do whatever it takes...and whatever my insurance covers.

On to the eating healthy, exercise, weight loss part of the "year of ME". Well, I'm a major f*ck up. I can't seem to stop eating crap. I go to the gym a couple days a week, but miss a day and then fall off for several more days. It's a terrible cycle.

I have MANY dreams of running on the treadmill at the gym. I see a lot of other women doing it. Thin women. Were they thin when they started running? Did running make them thin? Will running make me thin? I suspect it can't hurt...if I can make myself eat healthy. I have reconnected with a lot of friends via Facebook, and many of them run. I want to be like them. I have one friend who lost 25 lbs in 4 months by only adding running to her day. No diet changes.

I'm going to try. I'm going to try tonight. I worry what I will look like trying to run on a treadmill. I need to get over that. We are all at the gym for the same reason, right?

Must.Get.Over.Fear.Of.Image.

I have fear that it will hurt my back too, but I must try. Must.Try.

I decided to quit WW since I am throwing money down the drain by not following the program. Plus, well, my husband is losing his job and it's a cost that can be cut. I'm going to continue to try to do it on my own though, which shouldn't be hard since I know the program inside and out.

We're potty training the boy. He's doing a great job. Pooping is taking some coaxing, and getting him to actually slow down to pee is a bit of a challenge, but he is getting there. Still wearing underpants all day, and pull ups ("sleep underpants" for naps and nighttime). He had 1 accident all weekend. Doritos for pee, kitkats for poop. Mommy has eaten as much of these treats as he has. Bad mommy.

He's the funniest kid ever. We played in the snow a lot this weekend. He plopped his butt in the snow, cracked up and said "look mommy, I made snow butts". He also enjoyed sledding, helping to shovel, pushing (or trying to push) trucks in the snow, throwing snowballs at mommy, taking snowballs for sled rides, and just plain being outside. We got several inches of snow, but it wasn't as bone chilling cold as it has been, so we spent a lot of time outside. It was fun.

While reading a book this weekend, I asked what letters he saw on the page. I don't know why I do this...he knows the alphabet. I guess it's habit. He replied "no mommy, I don't need to talk with those letters right now". I guess he told me.

Now if he would just tell me to stop eating his snacks we'd be all set.